Growth doesn’t always look like a glow-up.
This has taken me a lifetime to learn.
Sometimes it looks like crying on the floor at 2am, questioning everything you ever believed about yourself.
Sometimes it’s losing people you thought would be in your life forever. It’s waking up and wondering who the hell you even are anymore.
I speak from experience.
They say “healing isn’t linear,” like that makes it easier. But it doesn’t.
It just means one day you’re fine, and the next day you’re spiraling over something dumb like an old song or a photo you forgot was still on your phone.
It’s weird, right?
You’re doing the work. You’re journaling. Going to therapy. Cutting off toxic people. Setting boundaries for the first time ever. And still… you feel like crap. Still, you’re tired. Lonely. Sad. Confused.
And you start to wonder:
Is this really growth?
Or am I just falling apart?
Here’s the truth no one tells you—those two things can look exactly the same.
You are growing. Even when it’s messy.
Even when you can’t see the light yet. Even when you feel like you’re going backwards.
So this post is for you—the one who’s been quietly breaking and rebuilding. The one who feels lost but keeps showing up. The one who’s growing, even if it doesn’t look like it yet.
Let’s talk about the signs.
1. You’re questioning things you used to accept without thinking
You used to just go along with stuff. People’s expectations.
The version of you they wanted. The job. The routine. The relationships that didn’t feel good but felt… familiar.
But lately, you’re starting to ask: Why am I doing this?
Why do I keep saying yes when I wanna say no?
Why do I shrink myself around certain people?
Why do I stay where I don’t feel seen?
That questioning? That discomfort? It means your awareness is growing. You’re no longer operating on autopilot—and that’s huge.
Even if you don’t have the answers yet, the fact that you’re asking is proof you’re not asleep anymore.
2. You’ve outgrown certain people, and it’s breaking your heart
Losing people hurts—even when you know it’s necessary.
I sometimes still think about the people I no longer talk to and it does make me feel sad.
I understand what it feels like.
Maybe it’s a friend who no longer feels like a safe place. Or a partner who doesn’t support your growth. Maybe you just can’t relate to people the way you used to.
It doesn’t mean you’re better than them. It just means you’re different now. You’re changing. And not everyone can come with you.
Sometimes growth means grieving the version of yourself that needed them.
And that grief? That ache in your chest? That’s not failure. That’s transformation.
3. You’re more emotional than usual—and it’s not a bad thing
You cry more. You feel things deeply. Stuff hits you that never used to bother you. Old pain bubbles up outta nowhere.
You’re probably thinking, Why am I so sensitive all of a sudden??
But here’s the thing: growth softens you. It cracks open the parts of you that you buried. And it lets you feel again.
This isn’t weakness. This is healing.
And yeah, it’s uncomfortable as hell. But it means you’re not numb anymore. And that’s powerful.
You’re becoming more human, not less.
4. You’re setting boundaries—even if people don’t like it
You used to people-please like it was your full-time job. You hated conflict. You’d rather be uncomfortable than make someone else mad.
But now? You’re starting to say, “I can’t do that.” Or “That doesn’t work for me.” Or even just… silence.
And guess what? Some people won’t like it. They’ll call you selfish. Dramatic. Cold.
But that’s because they benefited from the version of you that didn’t have boundaries.
I have a post on how to say to no to people without feeling crappy.
Keep going. The people who respect the real you will stay. The rest were never really on your team anyway.
5. You’re uncomfortable in your old life—but not quite comfortable in the new one
You’re in between.
Your old life doesn’t fit anymore. But the new life? The one you’re working toward? It’s not fully here yet. You feel stuck. Like floating. Like you don’t belong anywhere.
This stage is called the void.
It’s the space between who you were and who you’re becoming. And yeah—it’s lonely. It’s confusing. It’s uncomfortable AF.
But it’s also sacred.
This is where the real growth happens. Where you let go of what’s no longer you—and start choosing what is.
6. You’re more aware of your patterns (even if you haven’t fully changed them yet)
Maybe you still go back to people you shouldn’t. Still procrastinate. Still self-sabotage sometimes.
But now? You see it. You catch yourself in the act. You know what’s happening.
And that self-awareness? That’s the first step toward real change. You can’t shift what you’re not even aware of.
I used to binge-eat. I’m nowhere near perfect. But I have managed to reduce it just by becoming self-aware.
So don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect yet. You’re reprogramming years of behavior. Give yourself some damn grace.
7. You’re tired—but not the same kind of tired as before
This tired feels different.
It’s not just from work or lack of sleep.
It’s soul-tired. Transformation-tired. “I’ve been feeling everything all at once and trying to stay afloat” tired.
Because growth requires energy. And you’ve been doing so much emotional labor—internally, silently. Every single day.
That exhaustion? It’s not weakness. It’s the cost of becoming someone new.
Rest. Don’t quit.
8. You’ve stopped pretending to be okay when you’re not
You used to smile through the pain. Brush it off. “I’m fine.” “It’s whatever.” But now? You admit it.
You say, “I’m struggling right now.” Or “That really hurt.” Or even just, “I don’t know what I need, but I know I’m not okay.”
That vulnerability? That’s not falling apart—that’s becoming whole.
You’re finally giving yourself permission to be real. And that’s one of the strongest things you can do.
9. You’re starting to value peace over attention
You used to chase validation. Wanted to be liked, wanted to be chosen. Maybe you posted for likes. Said things to impress.
Stayed in things longer than you should’ve, just so you wouldn’t be alone.
But now? Now you crave quiet. You want deep. You want real.
You’d rather sit in silence than force fake conversations. You’d rather be alone than be around people who drain you.
You’re choosing peace—even when it means letting go of the noise.
That’s growth.
10. You don’t recognize yourself anymore (in a good way)
You look in the mirror and you’re like… who is this person?
You’re not reacting the way you used to. Not texting the people you swore you’d never let go of. Not biting your tongue just to keep the peace.
You’re making choices your old self would be so proud of—even if they scare the hell outta you now.
This unfamiliar version of you? That’s growth, baby. That’s you becoming.
11. You keep going—even when it’s hard, even when it hurts
Maybe you’ve cried more times than you care to admit. Maybe you’ve questioned yourself. Maybe you’ve wanted to give up.
But you didn’t.
You got out of bed when it felt impossible. You showed up to life when it felt pointless. You kept trying, even when nothing seemed to be changing.
That’s not weakness. That’s strength. That’s grit. That’s resilience.
If that’s not growth, I don’t know what is.
Final Words
So yeah—growth is messy. It’s not always cute or fun or easy.
It doesn’t come with a trophy or applause.
Sometimes, it just looks like surviving. Like trying again. Like crying in your car and still showing up the next day.
But please hear this:
If you’re doing the work—even if it’s slow, even if it’s ugly—you’re growing. You’re doing it. And you’re not alone.
The fact that you even clicked on this post? That means you’re already becoming the version of you that future-you will be so proud of.
Keep going. The light you’re looking for? It’s already inside you.
