I’m writing this post because one of my best friends is turning 40 this year and she was telling me how lost she felt 2 years ago during her divorce and how she’s trying to reset her life.
We talked about it quite a bit and I realized that so many people must be in her shoes.
It’s just this pause where you realize you’ve been running on habits you didn’t exactly choose.
Some of them worked for a long time. Some of them quietly stopped working years ago but you never stopped doing them.
At 40, you start to see your life more clearly, I feel.
You see where you settled. It’s realizing you could keep going exactly like this for another 20 years if you let them.
A hard reset means choosing, on purpose, what stays and what doesn’t.
It means admitting you’ve outgrown parts of your life and letting yourself grieve that before moving forward. It’s uncomfortable but freeing.
You can do this at 40. I promise it’s not too late.
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1. Decide what you’re officially done tolerating
Take some time to think about this.
A hard reset starts when you get brutally honest about what drains you.
That might be a job that makes your stomach tight every Sunday night or maybe a friendship that feels heavy instead of warm.
Even small things like clutter, noise, or obligations you resent but keep agreeing to.
I have started looking at my things around me and I’ve come to realize that I want more freedom, less clutter.
Write it down. Literally.
Make a list of things you’re done tolerating. Not things you want to fix.
Things you’re done carrying. For example, being available to everyone all the time. Or saying yes out of guilt. Or pushing through exhaustion like it’s a personality trait.
This step is uncomfortable because it forces clarity.
But clarity is power.
Once you name what’s no longer acceptable, your choices start to change naturally. You stop explaining yourself so much.
A notebook like Atomic Habits by James Clear helps here because it frames change as identity based.
2. Change your mornings before you try to change your life
This is when most people do their best work, including me.
Also, you don’t need a fancy morning routine.
You need one that suits the life you want to lead.
Most people at 40 wake up already stressed because they roll straight into notifications, news, and obligations. That tone sticks with you all day, so change that!
A hard reset can start with 20 quieter minutes.
No phone. Make your bed slowly. Drink water. Open a window. Stretch your back. Sit with your coffee without multitasking. It sounds boring but it changes how your nervous system starts the day.
Try anchoring your mornings to something grounding like journaling or reading a few pages of The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.
Small changes here ripple outward. You become less reactive. You make better decisions by noon and your life will change. I promise.
3. Clean up your physical space like you mean it
I’ve come to realize that if I mean to purge my closet, it won’t get done till I actually schedule time to do it.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
So, get it done.
Your environment is not neutral. It affects your mood whether you notice it or not.
A hard reset at 40 often begins with cleaning out things that belong to old versions of you.
This isn’t about minimalism, although I’d like it to be.
Get rid of clothes you don’t wear but keep out of guilt, objects tied to memories that no longer feel good or furniture arranged for convenience instead of comfort.
I just throw it in a bag for donations. If I can’t donate it or sell it, I just throw it out.
Take one area at a time. Your bedroom. Your desk. Your kitchen counter. Make it feel supportive, not crowded. Add softness. Light. Calm colors. Remove visual noise.
Books like The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo helped me seriously declutter. I also realized how much stuff I actually had!
When your space feels better, your thoughts slow down too and you feel more free!
There is less to clean, less to maintain and more time for you!
4. Audit how you actually spend your time
This requires some serious self-awareness.
For one week, track where your time goes. Scrolling. Errands. Helping others. Overworking. Watching shows you don’t even enjoy. This isn’t to shame yourself. It’s to see the truth.
I realized I was actually spending time on reddit scrolling while I was in the bathroom, and sometimes I’d spend time reading Quora.
I had deleted all other apps but not the ones that actually claimed my precious headspace.
At 40, time becomes more precious because you finally feel it.
A hard reset means protecting it. That might look like fewer social plans. Fewer favors. Less multitasking or social media. More space between things.
Replace some passive habits with active ones. Reading. Walking. Cooking slowly. Creative hobbies. Even doing nothing on purpose.
A gentle guide like Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman helps you stop trying to optimize time and start respecting it.
5. Stop outsourcing your self-worth
By 40, most people are exhausted from seeking approval from bosses, partners, parents or even the internet.
A hard reset means bringing that validation inward.
Asking yourself if something feels right instead of asking if it looks right.
Maybe do things because they matter to you, not because they impress others.
This might mean making decisions people don’t fully understand
Like changing careers later or ending relationships that look fine on paper or even starting hobbies you’re bad at.
I recommend readint this book Untamed by Glennon Doyle to help normalize choosing yourself without apology.
You don’t need to prove your life makes sense to anyone, remember this.
6. Rebuild your relationship with your body
I understand that all your life, you may have sacrificed your body to help others around you.
Exercize may have been your last priority because you may have been looking after your partner or kids.
But at 40, your body talks louder. Ignoring it stops working.
A hard reset means listening instead of punishing.
This is not about losing weight. It’s about trying to get back your energy, strength, sleep or digestion. It’s about asking what your body needs now, not what it needed at 25.
That might mean walking instead of intense workouts. Stretching. Swimming. Lifting lighter weights. Eating foods that don’t make you crash. Resting without guilt.
When you treat your body like a partner instead of a problem, everything shifts.
7. Learn how to be alone without numbing out
Most people just can’t sit alone these days.
They will instantly pick up the phone and doomscroll or just call someone to talk to.
Ask yourself if you have been filling silence with noise for the last decade?
A hard reset involves learning to sit with yourself again. Just a little.
Walking without headphones. Drinking tea in silence. Sitting on the floor and thinking.
At first it feels uncomfortable.
You start hearing thoughts you’ve been avoiding. You also start hearing what you actually want.
Solitude stops being scary when it becomes familiar.
8. Rewrite your money rules
At 40, money anxiety often peaks. It happens to everyone, I believe.
A hard reset means understanding your money instead of avoiding it. Knowing where it goes. Why you spend. What you’re afraid of.
This list involves a lot of introspecting, I get that.
But it’s so important because if you really want to change your life, you need to analyze where it’s going wrong.
Think about simplifying your expenses or automating savings. Maybe spending less on things that don’t matter and more on comfort, health, and peace.
Books like The Simple Path to Wealth help make money feel practical instead of emotional.
Money is a tool. Not a measure of your worth.
9. Let go of relationships that only exist out of history
I understand that you like having people in your life. We’re social creatures.
But some relationships survive on shared past, not present connection. At 40, this becomes obvious.
A hard reset doesn’t require dramatic endings. It’s not a movie.
It can be a gentle stepping back. Fewer check-ins. Less emotional labor. More space so that the friendships fade away.
Notice who energizes you and who drains you. Who listens. Who dismisses. Who grows with you.
This is so important.
You’re allowed to choose depth over familiarity. It’s not a sin.
10. Start learning something just because it excites you
You’ve spent your whole life following rules.
Why not break away and do something that makes you happy?
Learning doesn’t expire at 40. In fact, it becomes more joyful because there’s less pressure to monetize it.
Take a class. Learn an instrument. Study a language. Read about something random. Curiosity wakes parts of you that routine puts to sleep.
Books like Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert remind you that creativity doesn’t belong to the young.
You don’t need to be good at it.
You just need to enjoy it.
11. Build routines that support the future you
Think about building something sustainable.
Future you is watching. And hoping you’ll make things easier.
A hard reset means setting up systems. Meal planning. Regular movement. Weekly resets. Sleep routines. Not perfectly. Just consistently.
Think in terms of support, not discipline.
A planner or habit system inspired by The 12 Week Year by Brian Moran can help without feeling overwhelming.
Future you deserves care too.
12. Accept that some chapters are meant to close quietly
We don’t always get closure when friendships or relationships end. We may not get the answers we need.
Some chapters end because they’re done.
Grieve them. Even the good ones. Especially the ones that shaped you.
Then let them go.
Growth is quieter at 40. And deeper.
13. Choose one small thing to change and actually commit
Don’t try to reset everything at once. Choose one thing. One habit. One boundary. One routine.
Do it imperfectly. Miss days. Start again.
Consistency beats intensity every time.
A book like Essentialism by Greg McKeown reinforces this beautifully.
Your life doesn’t need a makeover. It needs alignment.
I hope this post helped you. If you have any more ideas of what I should write, do leave a comment. I’d really appreciate that!
