I’ve been there.
Stuck in a relationship that felt like a slow unraveling.
One minute, everything seemed perfect, and the next, I was questioning if I was even truly happy.
Although my relationship involved systematic abuse, I still want to talk about this because I notice that so many women stay in relationships that don’t make them happy.
I too ignored the signs, made excuses, and convinced myself that maybe I was just overthinking things.
But I wasn’t.
The truth is, love shouldn’t feel like a puzzle you’re constantly trying to solve.
It shouldn’t leave you doubting your worth or wondering where you stand.
The right person won’t make you question if you’re enough. He won’t make you feel small, unimportant, or like you’re begging for the bare minimum.
I wish someone had told me that earlier.
So, if you’re feeling that nagging uncertainty, pay attention.
If he does these eight things, he’s not the one. And you deserve better.
1. He Makes You Feel Like You’re Hard to Love
Love isn’t supposed to feel like a constant battle for approval.
If he makes you feel like you’re too much—too emotional, too sensitive, too needy—he’s not the one.
You shouldn’t have to shrink yourself to be loved.
The right man will embrace every part of you, not make you feel like a burden.
Listen to me on this.
2. He Doesn’t Make You Feel Safe
Emotional safety is everything.
If you can’t open up to him without fear of being judged, mocked, or dismissed, that’s a red flag.
This is what an equal partnership is supposed to be.
Both of you are supposed to be open-minded and be able to talk each other.
You should feel safe to express yourself, to be vulnerable, to share your fears and dreams without hesitation.
If he makes you second-guess whether you can trust him, that’s not love.
3. He’s Hot and Cold
One day, he’s all in.
The next, he’s distant.
One week, he’s talking about a future together.
The next, he’s acting like you’re barely part of his life.
This push-and-pull dynamic is exhausting and unfair. Love should be steady, not a guessing game. If he’s inconsistent with his feelings, he’s not the one.
Remember, some people thrive on drama. They actually love the rollercoaster the man takes them on.
But it’s only fun for a while.
After a while, it gets exhausting because you never know where you are with this person.
4. He Talks, But He Doesn’t Listen
When you speak, does he actually hear you?
Or does he nod along while waiting for his turn to talk?
A man who truly cares about you will listen—not just to respond, but to understand.
I once went on a date like this. The man refused to let me talk. And even when I did, he would bring it back to himself.
He was downright obnoxious.
And it was my first and last date with him.
If he dismisses your feelings, interrupts you, or makes everything about him, that’s not a relationship.
That’s a one-sided conversation.
5. He Doesn’t Show Up When It Matters
Words mean nothing without actions.
If he only makes an effort when it’s convenient for him, he’s not the one.
Love isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about showing up, time and time again.
When you need support, when you’re struggling, when you just need him to be there. If he flakes when it matters most, that’s all you need to know.
6. He Makes You Feel Like You’re Walking on Eggshells
Do you feel like you have to filter everything you say?
Like one wrong word will set him off? That’s not love. That’s control.
A real relationship lets you be yourself without fear of upsetting the other person. If you’re constantly tiptoeing around his moods, he’s not the one.
And these are the most dangerous men to be with.
Since my ex was really violent, it was very difficult living with him.
Anything would set him off and it would be small things, like leaving a water ring on the coffee table or asking him why he was late coming home.
I’m genuinely so glad to be out of that relationship.
7. He Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries
Your boundaries are not suggestions.
If you say no to something and he pushes anyway, that’s a problem.
If he disregards your feelings or pressures you into things you’re uncomfortable with, he’s showing you exactly who he is.
And that’s not someone you want to build a future with.
Don’t let these things go – it might seem tiny, but they build up to bigger things as you go further into the relationship.
8. He Makes You Feel Alone in the Relationship
Being with someone should feel like a partnership.
If you feel lonelier in the relationship than you did when you were single, that’s a huge red flag. Love is about connection, effort, and presence.
If he makes you feel like you’re in this alone, then it’s time to walk away.
Final Thoughts
You deserve a love that feels safe, certain, and whole.
You deserve someone who makes you feel like you’re enough—just as you are. If you see these signs, don’t ignore them.
Don’t wait for him to change. The right man won’t need to be convinced to love you the way you deserve.
Let him go.
Make space for someone who will truly show up for you.
