I woke up today in a perfectly good mood, and then I made the mistake of reading a comment on Reddit.
Actually, a few comments.
And that was apparently all it took.
I had posted some of my artwork online. It was something I made myself, something I had spent time drawing, coloring and fussing over until I was happy enough with it to show other people. I had posted it on my Etsy store. Most of the responses was positive. Hundreds of people liked it. Some people left really sweet comments.
But one person decided to crosspost it in another community tearing it down and overanalyzing it and the haters piled on.
And guess which comments my brain decided were the important ones?
Not the hundreds of upvotes.
Not the people who liked my art.
Not the kind comments.
My brain picked the mean ones, put them under a giant spotlight and apparently decided we needed to think about them for the rest of the day.
I knew how ridiculous this was while it was happening too, which somehow made it worse.
These were strangers.
They didn’t know me. I didn’t know them. They had absolutely no effect on my actual life, and there was a very good chance they had already forgotten about the comment five minutes after writing it.
Meanwhile, I was still thinking about it hours later.
I tried telling myself all the normal things.
- “Who cares?”
- “Just ignore it.”
- “It’s Reddit.”
- “Don’t let random people ruin your day.”
None of it worked.
Because unfortunately, knowing that something shouldn’t bother you doesn’t magically stop it from bothering you.
And that got me thinking about how often we do this.
Someone says something slightly rude and we replay the conversation while we’re making dinner.
Someone doesn’t reply to our message and suddenly we’re wondering if we did something wrong.
A coworker says something dismissive in a meeting and we’re still mentally arguing with them in the shower six hours later.
Someone criticizes something we made and suddenly all the nice things people said about it seem to disappear.
Sometimes its not even criticism, right? It could be someone cutting you off in traffic, a friend cancelling plans, somebody giving you a weird look, an awkward conversation, a mistake you made three years ago that your brain randomly decides to replay at 11:47 PM.
Tiny things can take up an unbelievable amount of space in our heads.
So today, partly because I needed it myself, I started thinking about what it actually means to stop letting things bother you.
I don’t think the answer is becoming a person who doesn’t care about anything.
I think it’s learning what deserves space in your head, and more importantly, what doesn’t.
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1. Stop Expecting Yourself to Immediately “Get Over It”
Being kind to ourselves should become a priority!
This is probably the first mistake I made today.
I was upset about the comments, and then I got upset with myself because I was upset about the comments.
Yes, as you can tell, I am a very anxious person.
Instead of dealing with one uncomfortable feeling, I now had two.
I think we sometimes imagine emotionally strong people as these incredibly calm humans who receive criticism and immediately think, “That person’s opinion doesn’t define me,” before peacefully continuing with their afternoon.
Maybe those people exist.
I am not one of them, lol.
Sometimes something hurts.
Let it hurt for a minute.
If somebody insults something you’re proud of, you might feel embarrassed. If someone excludes you, you might feel rejected. If somebody is rude to you at work, you might spend the next hour feeling angry.
That doesn’t mean you are overly sensitive, there I said it!
The trick is not making the feeling permanent.
There’s a big difference between saying, “That really bothered me,” and saying, “I’m going to spend the next six hours investigating why this person said that.”
The first is acknowledging an emotion.
The second is basically giving it a furnished apartment in your head.
Today I probably could’ve said, “Okay, that comment hurt my feelings. I’m going to make coffee and stay off Reddit for a while.”
Instead, I reread it.
Which brings me to the next thing.
2. Stop Going Back to the Thing That Hurt You
Why do we do this?
You read a comment that makes you feel terrible.
Then you read it again.
Maybe the second reading will reveal a hidden compliment?
It does not.
I’ve done the same thing with messages before. Someone sends something that annoys me and suddenly I’m examining punctuation like I’m working for the FBI.
“Why did they put a full stop there?”
“What does fine mean?”
“They normally use an emoji.”
I’ve done this even with my best friend.
Meanwhile the other person is probably eating a sandwich and has no idea I’m conducting a forensic investigation into their WhatsApp message.
We do this with social media too.
- We check whether somebody replied.
- We check whether our comment got downvoted.
- We look at someone’s profile.
- We reread the argument.
- We check again twenty minutes later.
Every time you do that, you’re basically reopening the wound to see if it still hurts.
Spoiler: yes.
Sometimes the easiest way to stop something bothering you isn’t a deep psychological breakthrough. Sometimes you literally need to close the damn app.
Mute the notifications.
Put your phone somewhere else.
Go shower.
Walk your dogs. Waltz with your cat.
Make lunch.
Read ten pages of a book.
Do something that physically interrupts the loop.
Your brain needs new information. Sitting in the same chair rereading the same comment isn’t going to provide it.
3. Ask Yourself Whether This Person Actually Gets a Vote
This one has helped me before, and I clearly need to remember it more often.
Not everybody’s opinion deserves equal weight.
If somebody I love tells me I’ve hurt them, I want to listen.
If a close friend tells me I’m behaving badly, I’ll think about it.
If someone who understands art gives me thoughtful criticism about my work, maybe there’s something useful there.
But a random Reddit account saying something nasty?
Why am I giving that opinion the same emotional importance?
Imagine actually handing out voting cards for decisions about your life.
Your partner gets one.
Your closest friends probably get one.
People you respect might get one.
You definitely get one.
Does RandomUsername84726 get one?
Probably not.
This works outside the internet too.
If somebody who has never started a business laughs at your business idea, do they get a vote?
If someone who constantly complains about their own life criticizes the way you’re living yours, do they get a vote?
If somebody who doesn’t know your relationship has an opinion about your relationship, how much should that really matter?
Criticism isn’t automatically valuable just because somebody was confident enough to say it.
4. Remember That Your Brain Is Terrible at Treating Praise and Criticism Equally
I wish I could scream this from a rooftop.
You could receive twenty compliments and one insult, and somehow the insult gets promoted to CEO of your thoughts.
Imagine posting a photograph.
Twenty people say:
“Beautiful!”
“Love this.”
“This made my day.”
“You’re really talented.”
Then one person writes:
“This sucks.”
And your brain goes:
Interesting. Let’s investigate this one.
Suddenly the twenty compliments feel like background noise.
We do this in real life too.
Your boss tells you that you’re doing great work but mentions one thing you could improve. You drive home thinking about the improvement.
Someone compliments your outfit, then another person makes a weird joke about it. Guess what you’re thinking about later?
Knowing your brain does this doesn’t completely stop it, but it does help you catch it.
Today I had to deliberately remind myself that hundreds of people had reacted positively to what I posted.
5. Don’t Build an Entire Story Around One Moment
This is one of my worst habits.
Something happens, and instead of allowing it to remain one isolated event, my brain starts writing a screenplay.
Someone doesn’t like my art.
Suddenly:
“Maybe my art isn’t good anymore.”
Then:
“Maybe people don’t actually like what I make.”
Then:
“Maybe I shouldn’t post my work online.”
We’ve travelled an impressive distance considering the original event was literally one person typing something on Reddit.
Our brains love stories.
A friend cancels dinner and suddenly you think they’re avoiding you.
Your boss sends, “Can we talk tomorrow?” and you’re mentally unemployed before you’ve even gone to bed.
Someone doesn’t respond to your message and you start thinking they’re angry or cheesed off.
Maybe your friend genuinely got busy.
Maybe your boss wants to ask you something completely normal.
Maybe the person didn’t reply because their phone is sitting on 3% battery underneath their sofa.
And maybe the person who hated your artwork…
just hated your artwork.
That’s allowed too.
It doesn’t have to mean anything bigger.
Sometimes a bad moment is just a bad moment.
Don’t turn it into a prophecy.
6. Give Yourself a Time Limit for Overthinking
I’m actually quite fond of this because telling myself “don’t think about it” has never worked.
If anything, it makes me think about it more.
So instead, give yourself permission to be annoyed.
Ten minutes.
Twenty minutes.
Go complain to someone. For me, it’s my partner.
Write an angry paragraph in your notes app.
Pace around the house dramatically.
Say all the things you wish you’d said.
Then stop.
Not because your feelings suddenly became invalid after twenty minutes, but because eventually you’re choosing between processing something and feeding it.
There are things that deserve days, weeks or even years of processing.
Grief does.
Trauma does.
The end of an important relationship might.
Random internet criticism probably doesn’t.
A rude cashier probably doesn’t.
Someone overtaking you aggressively probably doesn’t.
The difficult part is learning to match the amount of emotional energy you spend on something with the actual importance of the event.
I’m still learning this.
Clearly.
7. Don’t Argue With People Who Are Enjoying the Argument
This applies particularly well to the internet.
Some people aren’t trying to understand you.
They want a reaction.
You can write the most thoughtful, detailed explanation imaginable and they’ll simply find another sentence to argue with.
So you reply again.
They reply.
You clarify.
They deliberately misunderstand the clarification.
You write another paragraph.
Congratulations, you’ve now spent forty-five minutes of your actual human life arguing with someone called something like PotatoLord6969.
And they might be having a fantastic time.
You are not required to attend every argument you’re invited to.
You can explain yourself once.
You can correct misinformation.
You can defend yourself when you genuinely want to.
But eventually, you need to value your time and energy and leave it alone.
Mute.
Block.
Close the tab.
Go outside.
The internet will survive without your closing statement.
8. Ask, “Will I Care About This Next Week?”
I know this advice sounds almost too simple, but I think that’s why it works.
Think about something that annoyed you three weeks ago.
Can you remember it?
Maybe.
Can you remember what annoyed you on a random Tuesday six months ago?
Probably not.
Yet at the time it might’ve felt incredibly important.
That’s useful evidence.
When something happens, zoom out.
Will this matter tomorrow?
Next week?
Six months from now?
Will I remember this person?
Will this change anything about my life?
Sometimes the answer will be yes.
Those situations deserve attention.
But often the answer is no.
I seriously doubt I’ll remember the usernames of the people who annoyed me today a month from now.
Which makes it slightly ridiculous to give them the whole of today.
9. Do Something That Reminds You Your Life Exists Outside Your Phone
This might be one of the most important things I’ve learned.
The internet makes tiny things feel enormous because when you’re staring at a screen, the screen becomes your entire field of vision.
A comment fills the screen.
An argument fills the screen.
A notification fills the screen.
Then you go outside and suddenly there’s a dog sniffing a bush for three minutes.
Someone is buying vegetables.
The sky looks nice.
There’s coffee.
There’s laundry you forgot to do.
Life is continuing with absolutely no knowledge of the dramatic situation occurring in your notifications.
I love that.
Do something physical when your thoughts get stuck online.
Walk.
Cook.
Clean something.
Draw.
Water your plants.
Do the laundry, it’s piling up!
Play with your pet.
Go to a bookstore.
Take a ridiculously long shower.
Anything that reminds your nervous system that the internet is one tiny room inside a very large house.
You don’t have to live in that room, okay?
10. Remember That Being Misunderstood Is Part of Being Seen
This is probably the hardest one for me.
If you put anything into the world, eventually someone will misunderstand it.
Someone won’t like it.
Someone might even dislike you because of it.
The only guaranteed way to avoid criticism is to make absolutely nothing, say absolutely nothing and show absolutely nobody who you are.
And even then somebody would probably complain you’re too quiet.
If you make art, somebody won’t like your art.
If you write, somebody won’t like your writing.
If you start a business, somebody will think your idea is stupid. I’ve watched enough Shark Tank to know this is true.
If you dress differently, somebody will judge your clothes. Some people compliment my style saying I’m sharp and smartly dressed. Some people tell me I’m not feminine enough.
There is no version of yourself that everybody approves of.
I’ve spent a lot of time wishing that wasn’t true.
11. Keep Evidence of the Good Things Too
Our brains collect evidence for whatever we’re currently feeling.
If I feel like my artwork isn’t good enough, suddenly every negative comment becomes evidence.
What about the positive comments?
What about people buying something I made?
What about someone saving a post?
What about a person saying my work made them smile?
Why aren’t those allowed into evidence?
Keep the nice messages.
Screenshot compliments.
Save kind emails.
Remember the person who told you that something you made helped them.
This isn’t about feeding your ego.
It’s about correcting an unfair record.
If your brain insists on maintaining a folder called Reasons I Might Be Terrible, you’re allowed to create another one called Evidence That I Might Actually Be Doing Okay.
Open that one occasionally.
12. Be Careful Who You Hand the Rest of Your Day To
This might be the biggest thing I’m taking away from today.
Somebody can say something cruel to you in thirty seconds.
They spend thirty seconds writing it.
Then they close Reddit.
Maybe they make breakfast.
Maybe they go to work.
Maybe they completely forget you exist.
But you carry their thirty seconds around for six hours.
When you think about it like that, it’s such a terrible deal.
They paid thirty seconds.
You paid six hours.
I’ve done this with arguments, criticism, rude people, awkward encounters and things people probably didn’t even mean badly.
I’ve given entire afternoons to moments that lasted less than a minute.
I’m trying to stop doing that.
Not because those moments aren’t allowed to hurt.
But because my time is worth more than that.
13. Accept That Some Days You’re Going to Fail at All of This
I think this belongs on the list because otherwise this becomes another impossible self-improvement guide.
You can know every technique in this post and still have days where one stupid comment ruins your mood.
Today was one of those days for me.
I knew better.
I still checked.
I knew strangers on Reddit didn’t know me.
I still felt misunderstood.
We humans are messy like that.
Progress probably isn’t reaching some magical point where nothing ever bothers you again. Something is going to definitely get under your skin but it will get better because you will make faster recoveries.
14. Don’t Let One Cruel Person Change What You Do Next
This is the one I needed today.
My immediate reaction after reading those comments was basically:
Fine. I won’t post my art there anymore.
And maybe I won’t. Sometimes a community genuinely isn’t worth your energy.
But I don’t want the decision to come from hurt.
There’s a difference between deciding, calmly, “This place isn’t good for me,” and thinking, “Someone was mean to me, so I’m going to disappear.”
15. The Goal Isn’t to Stop Caring. It’s to Recover Faster.
After thinking about all of this today, I’ve realised I don’t actually want to become someone who doesn’t care.
Caring is probably part of the reason criticism hurts me.
I care whether something I’ve created connects with somebody.
I don’t want to lose that just so strangers can’t hurt my feelings.
Maybe emotional strength isn’t becoming completely bulletproof but becoming better at healing from the tiny wounds.
You don’t need to become someone who can’t be hurt.
You just have to stop giving every person who hurts you the power to decide what you do next.
I hope this post helped in some way, I feel I may have ranted a bit but I think it was necessary to speak up and cover this topic properly!
Let me know if something is bothering you in the comments below, I’ll reply asap!
