Last Updated on May 12, 2022 by Angela Vaz
You feel trapped.
You feel like you can’t take it anymore.
You’re honestly trying to think of the last time either of you was happy or spent a good moment together.
The days move by very slowly.
Your patience is dying.
Should you keep trying, or have you reached a place where it is done?
When is enough, enough in a relationship?
In this post, I will discuss whether it is time to end the relationship and give you signs that enough is enough.
These signs will help you look into your own relationship and figure out what steps to take next.
Let’s dive in.
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What does it mean to reach the end of a relationship?
When is enough, enough in a relationship?
It means that you both may have had genuine feelings toward one another at some point, but things have changed.
Maybe both of you have grown apart, or both of you now have different values.
Either way, your needs are not being met.
This means that things are no longer working for you.
So, you cannot sit just wait it out or pray and hope that things fall into place.
You have to take action.
But how do you know you’ve reached this place?
That’s what we will discuss today.
17 signs that enough is enough in a relationship
How do you know enough is enough in a relationship?
You may not have all the signs, but if you feel that even the few signs (that hold true) have a lot of weightage, you definitely need to take some action.
Let’s discuss the signs that a relationship may have reached its end.
1. Your partner does not respect you
Do you feel like your partner does not value you?
As if everything you do doesn’t matter, and they are somehow able to cling to the little things that you didn’t get right?
They either make fun of you or just admonish what you say with a sarcastic tone.
They constantly take you for granted and don’t appreciate you.
Or they mock you, criticize you and just don’t believe in you or your dreams.
Love is full of ups and downs.
But it is important to realize when you are being taken for granted and when your partner is not giving you the respect you deserve.
Love is a two-way street.
And if 2 people cannot respect each other in a relationship, it will not last.
Suppose you constantly battle with feelings of humiliation, anger, and sadness because your partner refuses to take you seriously or even pay attention to you.
In that case, it may mean that they don’t value you.
It also means that they have very little regard for the relationship you both share.
2. You find communicating very hard
Do you find it close to impossible to communicate with them?
Either everything you say offends them or just goes over their head?
It may be a sign of toxic communication.
Toxic communication can come in many forms.
- You may find your partner stone-walling you, constantly being defensive, and rejecting what you say.
- They may constantly gaslight you every time you try to bring up something important.
- They may get angry and argue with you, using rage to communicate.
- Or they may just plain ignore you like you mean nothing to them.
Communication is the key to a relationship.
If you cannot communicate healthily in your relationship, how will you solve any problem that crops up?
This is a major sign that maybe you two are just not compatible with each other or that your partner is just not right for you.
3. Your values and goals are very different from each other
You may love your partner to the ends of the earth, and perhaps they may feel the same about you.
But if your values are different, it will be very difficult for the relationship to last.
My second ex was very religious.
I remember talking to him one day, and he discussed with me how being gay was wrong and a sin.
He even firmly believed that sex before marriage was wrong.
We weren’t married, but we were physically intimate.
I found it funny that he could use religion for his own convenience – when it suited him best.
Our values weren’t aligned.
And our relationship was doomed, to begin with.
I could never live with someone who believed in an all-powering God’s love but refused to show love to people who were different.
It can be very difficult to see the truth when you have strong feelings for your partner.
Maybe you both love one another, but your partner can’t stop doing drugs or alcohol.
Maybe you want children, but your partner doesn’t.
It is important to take a long, hard look at your goals and values and then your partner’s.
Some values are easy to compromise on.
But this requires a lot of thinking, communication, and compromise.
For instance, my current partner loves to travel, and I’m perfectly happy indoors.
He takes a few solo trips to trek and explores nature. And we also go on mini-vacations.
We do spend some time outdoors, but we also spend time indoors doing activities we both enjoy.
Ask yourself if the value you both don’t share is a deal or no-deal situation.
If it is something that you both can work on and have a common ground on, you may be able to make the relationship work.
4. Every day feels like a struggle
Do you feel like the days move very slowly?
Do you go to sleep at night wondering how you’re going to get through the next day?
Or do you feel like you can’t remember the last time you felt peace and contentment?
It may be a sign that you are just not happy, or your relationship is bringing you nothing but pain.
It is important to self-introspect and understands why exactly you aren’t happy with your relationship.
Why does it feel so hard?
- Are you finding it difficult to agree on anything?
- Is communication hard?
- Are there so many differences between you both that you can’t see a future?
Once you understand what is so hard about your relationship, you can make a proper diagnosis and conclude how you want to proceed.
5. Your partner is abusive
It doesn’t matter if your partner is physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive.
Abuse in any form is abuse.
It is called that for a reason.
And a relationship is no longer equal or beneficial if both partners when one partner decides to take advantage of the other.
Some forms of abuse can be treated with therapy and couples counseling.
Especially if it’s verbal abuse.
But no person should have to wait for their partner to change if the abuse is sexual or physical.
I highly suggest getting out of the relationship as quickly as you can.
You aren’t safe. And it is crucial that you place your physical and sexual health as your priority.
Please know that enough is enough in a relationship if your partner abuses you.
There is no fixing this relationship.
And it is time to walk away.
6. Your partner doesn’t let you out of their sight
It’s one thing to love your partner.
It’s an entirely different thing to be obsessive.
If your partner sees you as their entire world and their whole reason for living, there is a chance that your relationship with them is toxic.
You both are 2 individuals with very different personalities.
A relationship should never reach a stage where your partner is your end-all-be-all.
That’s just unhealthy.
If they don’t have friends or hobbies and just don’t have a life of their own apart from you, it can feel incredibly suffocating.
This isn’t fair to you or them.
Your life is much more than your relationship.
It involves your work, your passions, and, of course, relationships with other people.
However, being your partner’s everything can put a huge strain on you and your relationship.
It may be time, to be honest with your partner and ask them to make a change.
7. Zero accountability
Do you find your partner irresponsible and reckless?
Maybe you found it cute initially, but as time went on, you realized that it’s you doing all the heavy lifting?
You are constantly taking care of them while they don’t lift a finger to do the same for you?
Or are you constantly picking up after them while they make no attempts to change or be responsible?
Do you feel like you are a parent to them and no longer see them as an equal?
In this case, the romance you both share may slowly die as you feel you are parenting your partner or spouse.
Irresponsible and reckless behavior is a huge turn-off.
Especially when it leaves you almost no time to care for yourself.
If you are constantly running behind your partner trying to pick up the pieces and you’re the only one doing everything to keep this relationship afloat, then there is no future.
You are no longer in love. You just view the relationship as a charity.
It may be time to put yourself first and realize that you deserve a lot more than you’re getting.
8 Your partner doesn’t trust you
It’s not about them constantly checking your phone or your whereabouts.
It’s about trust.
At the end of the day, if your partner doesn’t trust you, it could signify their own impending infidelity.
My first ex was very dominating and controlling.
He wanted me to stay at home all the time, and I wasn’t even allowed to keep friends.
Four years into our marriage, I discovered he had been having an affair for over 2 years.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship.
If your partner can’t trust you, it might mean that they are:
- Terribly insecure (something they have to work on)
- Have serious abandonment issues (something only they can work on)
- Or have been cheated on before (this is again something that they have to work on)
Your partner’s trust in you has nothing to do with your character unless you have cheated before or given them a reason to doubt you.
Either way, if there is no trust, your relationship is not going to last.
It may be time to end the relationship.
9. You are not a priority in your partner’s life
Are you constantly ignored?
Or do you feel like you’re constantly fighting for a morsel of their attention?
This is not a good sign in a relationship.
If your partner doesn’t make time for you and always prioritizes other things, then your needs aren’t getting met.
It is important to sit down with your partner and find out the real reason why they aren’t making time for you.
Only then can you make an informed decision about this.
10. You feel emotionally drained
Are you emotionally drained all the time?
Do you feel like you’re fighting a losing battle with your partner, and you just don’t have the energy to do anything else in your life?
Do you dread even being with your partner?
It is very crucial to understand why you are emotionally drained or what is causing you to feel this way.
- There are a lot of fights in your relationship
- One of you is not getting your needs met
- Your values and goals are no longer aligned
- You feel like you’re doing all the heavy lifting in your relationship
- There may be substance abuse
Either way, it is important to take a deeper look into this before asking yourself if enough is enough in the relationship.
11. You are always fighting
If both of you are always fighting or arguing and you just can’t agree on most things, something is definitely wrong.
It may be that you both have some very serious issues that you need to sort out amongst yourselves or that both of you are incompatible.
All couples have their ups and downs.
But take a closer look and see how long you have been fighting.
If it’s been months or years, perhaps it’s time to get couples counseling or find out what kind of toxic communication pattern your relationship falls into so you can get more support and help.
12. Your partner is emotionally and physically distant
Do you feel ignored?
Do you feel like you’re fighting for attention with your partner?
That you have to genuinely struggle to get them to pay attention to you or talk to you or spend time with you?
If your partner is not being physically or emotionally close to you, then something is most definitely wrong.
Ask yourself if it’s always you making the effort.
- Are you the one that is always initiating conversations or romance?
- Are you the one that’s trying to constantly plan and make dates for both you and your partner?
You may have to take a closer look into the relationship and then talk to them about it.
The key is to listen without bias and interruptions.
13. You don’t enjoy physical intimacy with them
A lot of people ignore this point blatantly because they associate sex with pleasure alone.
But physical intimacy is very important in a romantic relationship.
If you cannot look at your partner with love and respect and you are unable to have sex with them, it is a huge indication that something is very wrong with the relationship.
- If your partner is abusive, doesn’t respect you, or just treats you very inhumanely, you may start despising sex with them.
- It could even be their ability not to be responsible, causing you to no longer feel attracted to them.
- Or maybe they just don’t treat you as a priority – so you feel rushed and unseen.
Either way, look into this.
Try to understand why you don’t feel attracted to them or why the sex is so bad.
There is a deeper answer to this than just “not being in the mood.”
14. You just aren’t happy
If you can’t remember the last time both of you were genuinely happy or went about your day without fighting, it may be a sign of the end.
Maybe you no longer have things you both look forward to.
Or your life is just not growing.
Either way, you feel trapped.
Sometimes you feel numb and don’t know how the days are going.
Every day with your partner feels like another day wasted.
You ask yourself if this is what life has come to, and you feel deep down that you would be happier apart.
These feelings aren’t normal.
And it’s not something people are supposed to feel in a relationship if they are happy and content.
So perhaps both of you have some of the issues mentioned above.
Take a deeper look and understand why you feel this way.
15. Your partner has cheated on you
I’ve already written a long post on how I got over my cheating ex, but cheating isn’t something that will go away.
It’s a habit.
And it’s almost never a 1-off thing.
Rest assured that if your partner has cheated on you once, they will most likely do it again if given the opportunity.
In this case, enough is enough.
And it is time to leave.
No amount of work or communication can fix the broken trust.
It’s not about sleeping with someone else.
It’s about the complete disregard of respect to your feelings and your relationship and your partner’s priority of their physical needs over yours.
It’s the absolute betrayal of trust and the ability to lie to you without being able to communicate their feelings to you in a healthy manner.
People who cheat will often blame their partners for not giving them enough attention.
But let me lay it down for you.
If a person is unhappy in their relationship, they should either fix it or walk away.
Cheating is a cowardly move on their part.
It is inexcusable and a major relationship killer.
Don’t bother waiting for your partner to change.
It doesn’t matter if your partner feels remorse or if they put the blame on you.
Enough is enough.
Walk away while you still can.
You deserve so much more.
16. Your partner can’t keep a promise
Perhaps your partner continuously tells you they will change.
They constantly blame other things for their bad habits.
Do you find them constantly making promises like:
- It’s difficult for me to do this when there’s alcohol involved.
- I’m sorry I forgot, it won’t happen again.
- I promise I won’t hit you again.
- I will never gamble on our savings in the future; you have my word.
- I’m sorry, I yelled. I won’t do it again.
- You pushed me to slap you.
- I’m sorry I insulted you. I didn’t mean to.
- It’s the kid’s fault. I didn’t do a thing.
- It’s your fault. You pushed me to do this.
- I promise I will change.
- I promise that is the last time I do that.
These aren’t apologies or excuses that you should take lightly.
If your partner makes poor excuses for their bad behavior all the time, then you need to realize that they are never going to change.
Your partner just doesn’t have it in them to be who they’re promising to be.
It is up to you to open the curtains and stop paying a blind eye to their excuses and apologies.
If it is something you cannot take anymore, you have to have the courage to talk to them or walk out.
17. Your partner brings out the worse in you
Do you feel like growth is a challenge with your partner?
Do you feel like they’re hampering your growth?
Or does everything your partner says or does just brings out the worse in you?
Your partner is someone you share most of your life with.
If they are constantly bringing you down or just bringing out the worse in you, you may be just not compatible with each other.
Maybe you want to grow.
Maybe you want a better future.
Or a better career.
Or a better life.
But you’ve begun to realize that it is close to impossible if you are with your partner.
You see no space for any kind of positive growth. You can see no improvement.
You’re wondering if your partner will ever change.
Please realize that you shouldn’t be waiting for your partner to change.
Take everything they say or do at face value.
They are showing you what they are really like.
If you cannot accept it, it may be time to walk away.
What to do when you feel enough is enough in the relationship?
Okay, you’ve read the signs, and you feel that your relationship definitely exhibits some of these signs.
What do you do?
1. Take some time to figure it out
You cannot decide in 1 day if a relationship is over unless they have cheated or are physically or sexually abusive.
Both of these instances mean that there is no remedying this, and you must walk out ASAP.
But if it is a mixture of other signs, then take some time to think about it.
Sit down and really think about your relationship and how far both of you have come.
Think about how much you have had to compromise and ask yourself if you see a good future for both of you if you continue to stay together.
2. Talk it out
Try to take some time to talk to your partner.
See where they stand.
Listen without bias.
And see where they are coming from.
Are they going through depression?
Are they being honest with you?
Are they really speaking from the heart?
In this step, just try to understand what your partner is saying and listen without interrupting.
It is important you have all the facts before you take a course of action.
3. Take the next steps
You can either move towards couples counseling or sit down and discuss what you both want to do.
It is important to understand if your needs are being met and if they aren’t, something needs to be done.
It is very crucial that you be honest with your partner about your feelings, your needs, and where you see this going.
Make a list of things to talk about with your counsellor and prepare yourself for the future.
If you do want to break up or divorce your partner, then be honest with them.
I hope this post helped you gain clarity on when is enough, enough in a relationship.
If you are unable to process your feelings or thoughts, please see a therapist.
They are unbiased and will help you come to see reason and give you the necessary steps to take so that you can make an informed decision yourself about your relationship.
You may find these posts helpful:
- 13 signs your partner doesn’t love you + what to do
- How to recover from a toxic relationship
- 7 types of toxic communication that is killing your relationship
- 11 relationship killers to watch out for
- 17 Signs he doesn’t respect or value you
- How to recover from a painful breakup
- 7 best books to read after a breakup