Last Updated on June 27, 2022 by Angela Vaz
You feel like you’re weird.
Like nobody really gets you. And even if they begin to scratch the surface, they just don’t show that much interest in getting to know you.
You feel alone.
And you’re beginning to wonder why you’re so odd or what you can do to remedy this.
No one will ever understand you completely. We are all unique individuals with complex brain structures and feelings that nobody can grasp fully. We need to accept that it’s okay to be different and it’s alright that nobody understands us completely.
In this post, I will explain how you can start to accept this fact and then guide you on what you should do moving on.
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Why does no one understand me?
First of all, understand that everybody is thinking about themselves.
We are very advanced organisms mentally compared to every other organism in this world.
This means that we mostly live inside our heads and in a day we have roughly 6200 thoughts.
We are thinking things like:
- What do we eat next?
- How much of this presentation do I need to work on today?
- Did I just give my dog her medicine?
- I have to call the plumber today.
- Did I turn the gas stove off before leaving the house?
- I have to remember to call mum for her birthday.
The number of thoughts a human being is processing every minute is countless.
And the reason why I am bringing this up is that I need you to understand that there is no personal vendetta against you.
People are just going around trying to get through their day and hopefully the next day.
Now, with that being said, let’s move on to the second part.
There are countless reasons why nobody understands you:
- You aren’t going out of your way to meet people and leave an impact on them
- You are trying very hard to be unique and therefore people cannot relate to that and they move on to other things
- You don’t really trust people because you’re scared they’ll hurt you and you find yourself holding back
- You have not accepted yourself for who you really are
More often than not, I find that most people who really ask this question, “Why does no one understand me?” have not really transitioned to understanding themselves or accepting themselves completely.
Remember, that nobody is ever going to understand you fully.
They may understand parts of you – the parts that relate to them, but as a whole, it’s going to be difficult for a person to know you completely.
Even your own parents or your life partner may only understand a certain percentage. But nobody will know you 100%.
And this is completely okay.
Let’s understand more.
Why do we want to be understood?
As human beings, we have evolved to fit in.
Rewind a few thousand years and you’ll realize that as human beings we were safer when we stuck together and formed packs.
This is how civilizations began. Those that were in a society or group were often stronger than those who wandered off as hermits or nomads.
It’s evolution at its finest.
We may be evolved in many forms, but we still yearn to be part of society and fit in.
We want to be understood because we want to be part of a society that shares similar values and constructs. We yearn to be respected and build a connection with other human beings. Basically, we are social creatures.
We may have different passions and aspirations, but at the end of the day, this is the one value almost every human being at their core share.
How common is it to feel alone and misunderstood?
For as many as 15-30% of the general population, loneliness is a chronic state.
Because of the rise in technology and work-from-home jobs, a lot of people are just used to communicating with others via text or email.
This has led to the rise of loneliness directly and indirectly.
Gone are the days when people would go to the store to buy groceries. Now, everybody orders stuff online.
Our human interactions are no longer necessary for survival so they have reduced dramatically.
So naturally, people have secluded themselves.
Over the last few decades, we as human beings have shifted our priorities to things rather than people and memories.
And this has caused us to feel more lonely and misunderstood.
Now, that we understand more about why we feel misunderstood and why it’s important for us to feel understood by people, let’s move on to how we should move ahead.
9 Things to Do when you Feel like Nobody Understands You
1. Pat yourself on the back
You have a wonderful personality.
And you’ve realized you’re unique.
Congratulations. It’s the first step to self-awareness.
Realizing that you don’t fit in and you’re different is a good thing. Asking yourself the question, “Why does no one understand me?” also means that you want to build a deep connection with other human beings and you’re a social person on some level.
It means that you’ve recognized that you want to be part of a society and you want to build a genuine human connection – this is a good start!
2. Take some time off to figure out what you really want from life
Ask yourself what is it you really want:
- Do you want a romantic relationship?
- Are you looking for friends?
- Do you want to hang out with people with similar interests as yourself?
- Do you want people to recognize your skills and appreciate you for them?
Once you realize what you really want from life and how you want to be treated, you can start to make progress from there.
3. Fall in love with yourself
It is important to note that when you are trying to find people to “vibe with”, you should never change who you are.
This will lead to friendships based on a perception of yourself and eventually either you will crack or your friends will find out.
Learn to love who you really are.
Here’s the thing that most people don’t realize: If you don’t really love who you are, then why should anyone else have reason to?
Know that nobody else’s love and validation can change how you feel about yourself.
You need to fall in love with yourself first.
Loving yourself means treating yourself with the same kindness you would treat a small child.
It means not being hard on yourself when you make a mistake.
Unless you learn to make peace with who you are as a person and love yourself for it, you will always feel misunderstood and lonely.
Once you learn to love yourself, you will realize that you actually enjoy your own company. You will radiate a certain vibe of peace, joy, and self-contentment and this will naturally attract other happy people to you.
This is something I have myself experienced. It took me about 28 years to fall in love with myself and accept myself for who I am. Once I started working on myself and making my peace of mind a priority, everything slowly started falling into place.
I started making friends who raised me up and I even found love.
4. Learn to communicate
Learning to communicate effectively will enhance and improve your relationships significantly.
Practice with family and friends and slowly move forward from there.
When you are upset about something, communicate it.
When you are not okay with someone or something, learn to communicate and be honest.
Learning to communicate well also involves:
- Being able to sympathize with other people
- Understanding how people feel just by watching their body language and expressions
- Anticipating your needs and the needs of the people you care about
- Being able to convey your emotions and feelings appropriately and clearly via words and actions
5. Start being more open
It’s all well and good to be protective of your feelings.
But know this, everybody is going to hurt you in some way or the other.
This is the risk we take when we start to mingle and talk to other people.
When we let other people in our lives, our expectations will not be met in some form and this can often lead to hurt and disappointment.
It’s perfectly okay to realize that someone is not right for you and move away.
By making more room for people who are compatible with you and have your best interests at heart, you slowly learn to make friends with people who vibrate on your level.
This takes time.
And you will never find those people if you sit inside your home and refuse to go out there and mingle.
So, let your guard down (not completely) and start making attempts to be more friendly.
Talking to people comes with practice.
For the first 18 years of my existence, I lived a very sheltered life. I never stepped out of my home and mingled with people so my people skills were pretty much zero.
It took me some time to learn to socialize and I can tell you from experience that there is a learning curve in the beginning but it gets better with time.
So open yourself up to people.
I’m not saying to share all your life experiences with people – but at the same time, you shouldn’t be closed off.
There should be a healthy balance of what you decide to share with people.
6. Look for opportunities to mingle more
Figure out what your interests are and what are the passions you really want to grow.
For instance, if you love cooking but want to become better, join a physical cooking class.
This will help you mingle with people who also want to get better at the same skill. You will meet people and be able to share your passion for cooking/baking with them.
Likewise, try to find opportunities for more physical interaction.
My boyfriend and I go out every Wednesday evening and play board games with our friends. We also make it a point to go out on weekends.
This is a very hard thing for me to do because I naturally tend to stay indoors unless I have a big reason to step out.
So, as comfortable as you are indoors, make a stringent effort to step outdoors and mingle more.
7. Get over your fear of rejection
When you start hanging out with people, you may find people whom you genuinely like but they may not return your feelings.
It is important to remember that you should not take it personally.
It’s okay if they don’t vibe with you.
If you feel like you’re the only one that is constantly making an effort to meet up with those group of people and you’re really not feeling that the feeling is mutual, it’s okay to walk away.
Learn to make peace with the fact that not everybody is going to like you.
You cannot please everyone.
This also means that it’s okay to set boundaries – in fact it’s very healthy.
Don’t be afraid that you’ll lose friends or lose connections when you genuinely want time for yourself or you just don’t feel like doing a certain activity.
Learn to embrace the fear of rejection.
It will really help you become a very mentally strong person.
8. Be kind
Being kind doesn’t mean you should not set boundaries and say yes to everything.
There is a healthy balance you should maintain.
Being kind mostly means being empathetic.
It means being able to listen to people without judging them. Just enhancing your listening skills and being empathetic to people is by far the biggest step you can make towards kindness.
It also plays to being a better communicator.
I’ve found that people are able to connect with me better just by letting them talk.
Have an open mind and an open heart.
Listening to people will also help you better understand people and yourself.
It allows you to grow.
You may be wondering why.
How can journaling help anyone be better understood?
But here’s how.
Journaling helps you understand yourself better.
Read your entries every few weeks or days.
And you’ll start to realize how you come across to other people.
You’ll understand your strengths and weaknesses.
When I reread my old entries, I realized how immature and naive I was when I was growing up. I could be very stubborn and blind to the truth.
But as I went through many adversities, I learned to be kinder and more patient. My resilience towards hardships and pain grew and I became more gentle and kind.
I’m not saying I’m perfect – I have so much to improve but journaling helped me understand how I could become better.
It helped me realize what mistakes I was making and I was able to become better faster.
Analyzing your growth is so important when you’re trying to navigate this world.
Give it a try.
Pair it with meditation and you’ll have a powerful combination for self-introspection and growth.
I hope this post helped shed some light on why you are feeling like no one understands you and I do hope you were able to shift your perspective so that you can start healing and moving forward with your life in the right direction.
Here are a few more posts you’ll find helpful:
- 9 reasons why friends come and go
- The ultimate guide to loving yourself as a single person
- How to focus on the present moment
- How I combatted loneliness and learned to be happy on my own
- How to make each day count
- 13 honest ways to reset your life
- 23 ways to let loose and be yourself
- 55 ways to comfort yourself without food
- 17 ways to start a new chapter in your life
- 17 small things successful people do every day