Last Updated on February 6, 2024 by Angela Vaz

Every single post I’ve ever written talks about how to navigate a breakup or how to deal with this devastating period.

But that’s the thing.

As long as you keep seeing your breakup as a devastating event – that’s all it will ever be.

I need you to understand that nothing in this world is inherently good or bad.

As corny as it sounds, there is, in fact, a silver lining in every cloud.

Both my breakups broke me.

They were 2 very different relationships (my first one being toxic and the second one just being very cathartic), so both affected me in very different ways.

However, I only began to truly heal when I saw the breakup as the ending of a chapter.

It was over.

No amount of crying or pleading with the Gods could bring back the person – I had to move on.

That’s what a breakup really is – you get over the dreams you thought both of you would have together, and you rebuild your life from scratch.

And that is why – I’m writing this post.

I want to show you that breakups aren’t all bad.

So, here are a few reasons why breakups are good!

Grab a cup of your favorite beverage, get comfy, and let’s dive in!

But before that really quick, get my free guide on how to really reset your life.

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1. You escaped that state of limbo

you escaped that state of limbo

You escaped a life of limbo.

When things aren’t okay between you and your partner – you aren’t exactly in a relationship, you’re stuck in limbo.

It means you aren’t a fully functional couple, but you’re not broken up either – and that’s not a nice place to be.

Breaking up gives you an answer.

It gives you both the chance to move forward and be happy.

Breakups are always going to hurt.

There is no such thing as a good breakup.

If you truly love each other, there will be pain – that’s a given.

This breakup happened because something wasn’t working.

One of you or both of you weren’t happy.

And that’s alright.

It’s okay to want more – it’s okay to want something different.

Whether you initiated it or not, the breakup happened.

And the best way to see it is to see it as the end of a very difficult chapter.

  • You’re no longer wondering if things are going to work.
  • You’re no longer going to keep trying.
  • You don’t have to wonder if things are going to be okay.
  • You’re no longer in a state of limbo, wondering, “Will they?” or “Won’t they?”

It’s over.

2. You’re no longer answerable to someone

you're no longer answerable to anyone

As much as you loved being in a relationship, there were times when you compromised.

Admit it.

You said no to the option you wanted to make your partner comfortable or happy.

If you wanted to wake up early or later, you may have had to adjust to your partner’s sleeping schedule.

Or you may have had to compromise on your food choices.

Think of all the adjustments you had to make when you were in a relationship.

That is no longer the case!

  • You can work 18 hours daily in an office or work on your side hustle without distraction.
  • You can read any book you want without judgment.
  • You can watch any TV show or movie.
  • You can decorate your house as you see fit.

If you want to go out, you don’t need to worry about telling someone – you just go out.

There is nobody to question your choices and nobody to answer to.

This means you now have the freedom to do whatever you want, however you want.

You are independent – you are free.

Enjoy it.

3. Pick up any skill you want

you can pick up any skill

I love my parents and my current partner.

But I cannot draw 18 hours a day like I used to.

Back when I was single, I could sit at my desk for hours at a stretch and focus on my skills.

I’m not saying it’s healthy; I know that’s not practical – but for a short period of time, it’s okay to be unhealthily obsessed with a skill.

Those days were good because that was a period of my life where I improved my drawing skills vastly!

I say this because we all have a hobby we can do 18 hours a day.

If you don’t have one, find out what that hobby is.

It’s just that we tone ourselves down when we live with people. We spend time with them, we do other things like exercise, eat leisurely and sleep more.

Again – I’m not saying you have to work on puzzle building 18 hours a day – but I’m saying its now possible.

It’s possible to delve deep into a hobby that you didn’t before because of your relationship.

But now that you’re single – use this as an opportunity to fall in love with something.

Become obsessed with it.

  • Do you love reading? Read.
  • Want to play video games that require no distractions? Get on Steam now!
  • Do you love playing music, or have you always wanted to? Pick up an instrument.
  • Have you always wanted to become a coffee Connoisseur? Become one!
  • Have you always wanted to volunteer at a shelter? Do it now.
  • Have you wanted to study something? Now is your chance.

Being single gives you an opportunity to become obsessed with a skill.

Use this opportunity to get your mojo back!

4. You get to step out of your comfort zone

you get to step out of your comfort zone

We don’t think much when we are comfortable.

Relationships are comfortable.

They help us stay where we are.

But when we are single – things change.

Our brains are forced to work more, our feelings come and go rather unexpectedly – new thoughts and emotions rush to the surface, and we have to learn to deal with them alone.

The spotlight is on you now.

All my life, I saw it as a bad thing – but when I became single, I realized that it was actually a blessing in disguise!

You get to ask questions and learn so many things about yourself.

You have the opportunity to start on a brand new slate.

  • Maybe you don’t like your job; you want to do something different.
  • Maybe you’re not a city girl; you want to live a slow-paced life in a town.
  • Maybe you’re tired of wearing your hair long; you’ve always wanted a pixie cut.
  • Maybe you’ve always wanted to check out a board game cafe, but your partner never wanted to go, so now you can!

You can be bold and brave and take one daring step at a time.

This is your chance to step out of your comfort zone and do something that’s been lingering in the back of your mind.

Do it.

5. You just got a whole lot stronger

you just got a whole lot stronger

I’ve lost a lot in my 31 years of living in this world – including my mom.

But nothing hurts like a breakup.

That sense of betrayal, loss, and sadness cuts deep.

This is why I say to you – that you’re so much stronger than you believe you are.

Breakups are hard.

And the fact that you’re navigating it each day makes you a very strong person.

You’re going to get through the other side.

And when you do, you’ll realize that you did it mostly all by yourself.

Yes, your family and friends might have helped – but you crossed this river alone.

And it’s no small feat.

You now have the capability to face anything.

Nothing will hurt like a breakup – it only goes up from here.

So give yourself some credit and know you’re doing an amazing job.

6. You have clarity

you get clarity

I am so grateful to have gone through 2 breakups.

I learned so much about people and relationships from them.

They taught me to be kind, patient, and understanding, and most of all, they helped me realize what I really wanted in my relationships.

I learned to value kindness and authenticity in a partner – I learned to value love.

If I hadn’t gone through a breakup, I’d still have searched for someone to make me laugh and listen to my stories.

Don’t get me wrong – those qualities are good; emotional maturity is more important to me now.

And I wouldn’t have known to look for that had I not gone through my painful breakups.

So, take a sheet of paper and answer the question truthfully: “After your painful breakup, what do you really want in your future relationship?”

Take your time with this question.

7. You can finally love yourself

you can finally love yourself

If you gave your all into that last relationship, you need a break.

You also need to define healthy boundaries – but more importantly, you must love yourself.

If you neglected yourself and your wants and needs in your past relationship, now is your chance to turn that love inwards.

Your partner isn’t here.

It’s you now.

So love yourself – because right now, that’s what you need.

  • You need love.
  • You need a break.
  • You need some pampering.

Take care of yourself – do things to recharge and make yourself happy.

Work on something that doesn’t feel like work.

  • Cook a meal for yourself.
  • Go out into the city and explore something peaceful/beautiful.
  • Go to the museum.
  • Get a haircut.
  • Exercise (join a group class if working out alone is hard)
  • Talk to people in a class.
  • Go to a stand-up comedy.
  • Read a mystery novel.

Do something that gives you butterflies.

Here are some solo date ideas I loved doing when I was single.

Rekindle that love for life that you have deep within.

You may feel it’s no longer present – but I promise you it’s there, it just needs to be lit.

Bonus: You have made room for more wonderful people to enter your life

you get to meet more people

Because your personality will change heavily after a breakup, and you will become a whole new person – you will attract new people into your life.

It inevitably happens to everyone after a breakup.

I made such wonderful girlfriends, and my new partner introduced me to a whole new bunch of people.

I now play board games every Wednesday with my guy friends, I go for walks with my girlfriends on Saturdays and watch a movie with them.

I have routines planned around my friends – it may seem so silly or normal, but I never got to live this kind of life.

We actually have group texts where we plan what we’ll do in the coming week, and it’s fun!

Sometimes we take road trips, sometimes we chill at home.

Those get-togethers are lovely.

The fact that my social life became so beautiful – makes me realize that the breakups were necessary.

Both my exes were controlling and didn’t like me keeping friends.

So, I’m very grateful to have gone through 2 breakups.

Conclusion

I want you to know that you won’t be happy every day.

A breakup is painful – I’ve been there.

I’ve also felt like I’d never get over it.

But I did.

I took time to see clarity and rekindle that passion and zeal for life.

Life can be so miserable one moment – but that’s all it is.

It’s a moment in your life.

Just like you were happy before, you will be happy again.

It’s just the current moment that is unpleasant, and I promise things will look up.

Things will get better.

Here are a few more posts you’ll love:

Angela is a 30 year old Illustrator and Blogger living with her 2 adorable labradors in Bangalore, India. She has a degree in Psychology and Human Relationships from the University of Toronto. When she's not writing her heart out or drawing, you'll find her sipping chai and reading non-fiction books.

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