Last Updated on August 15, 2023 by Angela Vaz

If you’ve been on any social media, you’ll end up running into posts/videos on “how to become that girl.”

Initially, I found it cringy and annoying because these videos would pop up everywhere all over my Youtube.

Eventually, I got drawn in and watched 1 video.

I was hooked.

It inspired me to turn my life around.

And here’s the kicker, once I incorporated small mini-habits, everything slowly started to fall into place.

The trick is to do it slowly and incorporate these habits one by one.

That’s how you build a sustainable routine.

So, in this post, I’m going to show you how to become that girl – tat confident, stylish, put-together woman who seems to navigate life effortlessly.

This post will show you how to become a more authentic, more productive version of yourself.

Please know that it’s possible for anyone.

It requires a simple mindset change.

So, whether you’re looking to upgrade your fashion game, build your confidence, or just find more joy in your everyday life – you’re going to love this post.

So, grab a cup of warm coffee or hot chocolate, get comfy, and let’s dive in!

But before that really quick, get my free guide on how to really reset your life.

This post contains affiliate links, meaning I may make a commission at no extra cost to you if you decide to click on a link and purchase something. Click here to read the full disclaimer.

What is That Girl?

what is that girl

Before I talk to you about everything I did to become that girl, let me just brief you on what exactly is “that girl?”

You know “that girl”.

She’s the one that seems to always have her life put together.

She has flawless skin, and hair and is always on point.

She’s the girl that everyone aspires to be and she has an inner light that is so bright and so attractive, that people can’t get enough of it.

But, please understand, “that girl” isn’t just about looks or popularity.


She’s also a state of mind.

It took me a long time to wrap my head around this, but “that girl” can be whoever you aspire to be.

For instance, if you have a job you hate, “that girl” can be a girl who loves her job and is passionate about her work and everything she does.

“That girl” radiates positivity, kindness, and self-assuredness.

She is extremely comfortable in her own skin and doesn’t need anyone’s approval to feel good about herself.

She knows what she wants and she goes after it with relentless passion!

Most importantly, “that girl” knows when to say no.

She also accepts herself for who she is. That means she knows where she falls short, she embraces her flaws and imperfections. She doesn’t try to fit into someone else’s mold.

She knows her USP (unique selling point) and loves herself for it.

That girl is also a girl who takes care of herself, both physically and mentally.

In today’s world, this is rare.

We are so ambitious and have a dying need to be ultra-productive, that we hardly take time to relax and rejuvenate.

And when I say rejuvenate, I don’t mean sitting in front of the tv – that’s not relaxing, that’s still work.

I mean eating well (nutritious food), exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep.

That girl is constantly reading books, listening to podcasts, or watching documentaries because she seeks to learn and grow.

Her mental health is a priority.

Above all, becoming that girl means being true to yourself and living life on your own terms.

It means becoming a way better version of yourself.

So, let’s see how we can do that.

How to become That Girl – 13 Habits to Follow

1. Know why you want this

know why you want this

Every single time, I have tried to incorporate a habit without understanding my real “why”, I have always failed.

I wanted to make more money in my online business, but I never reached my goal of being able to sustain it until I understood why I was doing this.

I wanted to become fit, but I was never able to keep the weight off and be sustainable until I really resonated with my why.

The “why” is important.

So, before you start doing all the things like waking up early and running 10 miles before breakfast – take some time to figure out why you want this.

  • What about this lifestyle is so beautiful and attractive to you?
  • What exactly is drawing you to this new change?
  • What do you want your life to look like? Draw a mental picture.

For me, I wanted to become that girl because I have this need to constantly become better.

I cannot lie still or not create.

I have to do something and I need to know that what I’m doing is making a difference to someone.

That’s why I write, that’s why I work. It gives me pure, unending joy.

I’ve always wanted clear skin, it’s something I am still working towards.

So, your goals can be anything but form a picture.

Really resonate with your why.

When you really, really want something, you’ll do anything to get it.

And another thing, do this for yourself.

Don’t do this to become popular or to get back at an ex.

In my post on how to glow up after a breakup, I talk about why it’s so important to glow up for yourself.

The ultimate way to become better is to do it for yourself. That’s when you’ll really stick to this!

2. Wake up early and develop a morning routine that works for you

wake up earlier

I’ve always been an early riser.

I used to wake up at 6-7 am.

But this year, that wasn’t enough.

It’s very difficult to make time for yourself when you live with people.

In my case, I live with my partner and dogs.

And I really like that quiet morning when I can do what I want, how I want.

So, I wake up at 4:00 am.

I know this sounds extreme.

But let’s say you wake up at 9:00 am.

Try to wake up just 30 minutes earlier.

These 30 minutes can be the time you need to freshen up and drink your morning coffee.

And right after that, you can do whatever you want to focus on.

Let’s say you’re a writer but you never get time to write.

Use those early hours to work on something you love.

For instance, I was very unfit.

So, I’d wake up 30 minutes earlier to walk on my treadmill.

When you finish the most important task in the morning, you feel productive.

Your morning routine can elevate the quality of your WHOLE day!

I feel so energized and pumped because I finish my workout, and take my dogs for a walk all before 6:30 am.

So by 7:00 am I’m eating breakfast and getting to work.

I don’t need to worry about getting exercise or exercising the dogs for the whole day!

This can apply to anything!

  • Working on a project but don’t have time to work on it? Do it in the morning!
  • Want to improve shooting hoops but don’t have time to play? Do it in the morning!
  • Want to become a Youtuber but never have time to record your videos? Do it in the morning!

Your productivity will skyrocket because you’ve finished the 1 thing that needs to get done in the morning.

3. Eat right

eat right

If you’re used to junk food like I was, this is going to take some time.

But start slow.

Here’s everything I did to start eating better and it actually works:

  • Start with small changes: Instead of completely starting a new diet (that will take your body and mind by surprise), do it small. Do little things, like adding one serving of greens to your lunch or dinner, or swapping out a sugary snack for a healthy one.
  • Plan your meals: I’ve found that I am able to eat better and healthy when I plan my meals in advance. Yes, this takes some time to get used to, but once you form a system, everything goes by so fast! Meal prep on the weekends makes it so easy to not think about cooking during the weekdays.
  • Cut out sugary drinks: This raises your blood sugar and causes sudden drops, leaving you hungry all the time. Cut out sodas, sweet drinks, juices, sweetened milkshakes, and lattes – trust me you’ll feel better!
  • Drink more water: Drinking more water will keep you hydrated all day and increase your metabolism. You cannot burn fat if you are dehydrated. Your body needs water to work. So, figure out how much water you need (based on your weight) and drink that much daily.
  • Eat more protein: Protein keeps you full. It also helps build muscle and this in turn burns more fat. Yes, more muscle in your body means more fat burning. It boosts your metabolism. Incorporate protein in every single meal you eat.
  • Substitute unhealthy food for healthy substitutes: Instead of eating a whole pizza, eat a pizza omelet. I love pizza omelets because they’re so healthy and keep you full for longer! I substituted chocolate ice cream with dark chocolate and it really helped me lose a lot of weight.

I am not a nutritionist so I am not going to tell you what to eat.

However, if I have to say one thing, eat more whole foods. Eat foods that occur naturally rather than eating packaged food or processed food.

Incorporate these changes slowly.

I was so used to take-out so I started by cooking 2 times a week. I followed easy-to-make 15-minute recipes on Instagram and Facebook and when I realized how much more healthy and tasty that was, I was more inclined to cook more.

Believe me when I say that this made the biggest difference in my life.

My skin became better, my overall energy went up, I stopped feeling bloated and lethargic throughout the day.

4. Move your body more

move your body more

As a person who’s never exercised because I’ve been a little hobbit all my life living indoors, this was by far one of my biggest challenges.

I’d always start some heavy workout on Youtube and give up after a week.

This time, I did something differently – I started small.

And it’s been over 4 months since I’ve been moving my body, and I’ve lost over 10 pounds.

So, here’s everything I did:

  • Start small: If you’re not used to working out or moving your body, just focus on showing up. Do 5 minutes of any exercise you love but show up. Just show up every day. That 5 minutes will slowly turn into 10 and 10 will turn into 30. But build the habit first!
  • Find an activity you enjoy: This will take some time to find out. For instance, I tried lots of things like running, yoga, dancing, walking, and so on. But I really like walking up on the treadmill and lifting weights while doing light cardio. I also love walking with my dogs.
  • Increase your pace as you grow: After 3 weeks of working out for 10 minutes, increase it to 20. The whole idea is to build a lifestyle that is sustainable – something you can do forever.
  • Move every chance you get: Park your car far away and walk to the store. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Walk while talking on the phone.
  • Listen to your body: Don’t push yourself to the point where your body hurts all over. And don’t be hard on yourself if you miss a day. If you miss a day or a week – that’s okay. Come back and show up the next day.

Instead of aiming for perfection, aim to show up. Aim to be consistent.

5. Cut out toxic habits and people

cut out toxic people and habits

Before you add more things to your life, take away what is not serving you.

If you have trouble understanding who are the toxic people in your life, just monitor your emotions after spending enough time with them.

When you hang out with someone, do you feel happy afterward? Or do you feel strangely drained?

My mom would call these people energy vampires.

You feel emotionally or mentally drained after hanging out with them.

If someone’s image popped into your head, that’s probably the friend you need to cut off.

My life became so much better when I slowly moved away from all the people that were not adding to my life.

I have a small circle of friends but I love them to death – the love and care I give them are reciprocated.

Similarly, cut off toxic habits.

I was a social drinker and pretty soon, I started enjoying drinking on my own as a way to relax.

I found that I was moody and lethargic in the mornings and it really got to me.

My productivity took a major hit.

And when I decreased my alcohol intake, I found my life so much better.

My skin improved!

And I realized that this is something I needed to reduce drastically.

So think about what habits are really not serving you, and cut them out.

I have a whole list of toxic habits you can cut off to improve the quality of your life.

6. Declutter your home

declutter your home

Your home is your sacred space – it’s the space where you live and thrive.

So if it doesn’t reflect a better version of you, how is it going to help you become your best self?

I’ve found that I am happy with less.

I always loved collecting things when I was younger but I realized how much stress it added to my life and I became a minimalist.

I worked towards owning less so that I could focus on experiences more.

I decluttered my home (I’ve written an extensive guide on decluttering your home here) and my life improved drastically.

Now, my world surrounds experiences and not things.

  • Because I freed up my home of possessions, I go out more.
  • I love creating food and experiences around food
  • I love meeting new people and talking to them
  • I’ve found I’m able to work better because there are fewer things to get distracted by.

You begin to want to focus more on people and activities when you start to own fewer things.

7. Work on your mental health

work on your mental health

For years, I always believed that if I did more, I was worthy.

I attached my self-worth to the number of successes I had.

I wanted everything to be a success:

  • I wanted my name to be on the top of the leaderboard in my online games
  • I wanted to be in the top 5 in class
  • I wanted to have the perfect relationship.

This striving for perfection and relentless need to never make mistakes eventually broke me.

There were many times in my life when I felt burnt out and I had phases of depression – I never understood why.

In 2021, I went through a painful breakup. I also lost my mom to cancer.

That year, everything was all over the place.

I felt like I was being torn apart and I couldn’t keep up with life.

That’s when I decided something had to change.

I realized that I couldn’t control what happened to me, but I could certainly control my actions.

I started paying more attention to my mental health.

I paid attention to healing.

I didn’t take on big tasks because I knew I needed to give my mind and heart space to rest.

There are so many ways you can improve your mental health and get that reset you need to become that girl, here are some tips that worked for me:

  • Listen to your body and mind: If you feel tired, worn out, or stressed, take the day off. Do something completely different from your regular routine. For instance, if your work involves a computer, disconnect on 1 day and take a walk in the park or call a friend and go have coffee with her.
  • Connect with other humans: We’ve evolved to do every single thing on our phones/laptops. Please understand that this has made us more introverted and secluded. This has increased our anxiety even more. And we as human beings are still social creatures. Once I started socializing every week, my life became so much better. I felt so relieved and happy. I discuss everything you need to know to make friends as an adult here.
  • Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness means being in the moment – focusing on the present. It means gardening and not thinking about the next task but actually gardening. It means kissing your dog and not thinking about your next presentation – you’re in the moment and you’re enjoying the moment. One of the best ways I’ve found to bring myself back to the present is to meditate.
  • Engage in offline activities: Do something that brings you joy. I love my laptop but at the same time, I’ve realized the importance of hobbies like cooking, drawing, writing, playing a musical instrument, or reading. These activities bring so much peace into your life. They also boost your mood and give you so much fulfillment.

8. Do something you love

do something you love

If you don’t love your job and you’re only working to make ends meet, then know that there’s something more.

I’ve never had a full-time job because I’ve always made money online (either by freelancing or building my own online businesses) but I know what it’s like to do work you don’t enjoy.

At one point, I was working for clients building websites and it was so gosh-darn boring.

I’d work 8 hours for the client and spend another 7 hours researching how to build a blog and draw comics.

When I was not working for my clients, I was busy working on my own business or learning about how to do something.

I would work 14-16 hours a day and yes, it was tiring – but it was so exhilarating.

I remember saving up for 6 months to buy a drawing tablet and man, was it worth it.

I enjoyed drawing comics on my drawing tablet and I eventually built a popular brand and was able to work with many companies and draw comics for them.

It was a dream come true.

I’ve done everything that I had my heart set on and I believe that this is the key to happiness.

So, work towards something you love.

Let it be a side hustle.

Focus on improving that skill and one day when you feel confident enough to launch – do it.

Market it and work tirelessly to build something you love and when it replaces your full-time job’s income, quit.

And work on your passion full-time.

I now write and draw for my own websites – I work for no one.

But of course, this journey wasn’t easy. It took me a long time to get here but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It has taught me to be patient, kind and most of all, accepting.

This is the key to finding happiness and becoming that girl!

9. Find your personal style

find your personal style

Ha ha, I’m not going to lie.

It’s taken me many years to develop my personal style and I love it now.

I like dressing up in pastel shades but I’ll add a pop of color either to my eyes or I’ll carry a very bright-colored backpack.

I’ll either go with a bright dress with huge hoop earrings, or I’ll wear a huge pastel hoodie with tight jeans.

If the situation demands it, I’ll go all out and wear a huge dress or a big skirt with a tight top.

Here are some ways you can discover your personal style:

  • Experiment: You cannot discover what you like till you try different clothes and different colors. See what looks good on you and what you feel comfortable in and do more of those.
  • Understand your body type: I am a pear-shaped woman and it has taken me years to understand how to dress according to my body type. If you wear clothes that suit your body type, you’ll look fabulous! And yes, there are jeans you can wear for pear-shaped bodies.
  • Look for inspiration: Once you know your body type, browse Pinterest and Youtube to understand what to wear. I also like looking for influencers with my body type and seeing what they wear. Make a mood board of clothes and styles. This will help you understand what to look for.
  • Develop a color palette: Understand your skin shade and your undertone. Once you do that, you’ll know what colors look good on you. I have brown skin with a yellow undertone, so greens and yellows look lovely on me.
  • Be comfortable: Always wear clothes you are comfortable in. I can never wear heels and I’ve never worn them. I have only 3 pairs of shoes (slippers, sneakers,, and flip-flops) and I’m super happy with them!

Remember, discovering your personal style is a journey.

You’ll have many phases in your life where your personal style evolves and that’s okay!

Just remember to stay true to yourself and wear clothes that you feel good in.

Wear clothes that reflect your personality and preferences. Don’t dress for others – dress for yourself!

10. Embrace failure

embrace failure

On your journey to becoming “that girl,” you’ll soon fall in love with this image of “being perfect.”

But no, nobody is perfect.

Please, please know that everything you see on social media isn’t real.

You may see a beautifully curated aesthetic field of a girl you find inspiring and beautiful.

But not every moment of every day is perfect for her.

She does have her weak moments, she cries, and things go wrong.

You’re only seeing what she wants you to see.

That photo or video is a 5-minute snapshot of her whole day.

You don’t know anyone else’s story but your own.

So, focus on your own story.

Stop looking at other people and comparing your life to theirs.

  • Do you want more money? Start learning how you can make more money and do the work to get there.
  • Do you want that promotion? Work hard and then ask your boss for a raise.
  • Do you want to find a good relationship? Become the person you want to date and actually say yes to people who are interested in you. Prepare yourself for a loving relationship.

Do you want something? Go get it.

But don’t sit around and envy others. That’s not going to get you anywhere.

Be kind, positive, and confident.

You’ll get what you want if you have that willpower and strive to be consistent.

In this post, I talk about personal goal examples you can set and strive for.

11. Learn something new every day

learn something new every day

There is not a single day I spend learning something new.

Please don’t mistake this for information overload.

I used to believe I learned a lot on social media, but think about how much you can actually remember after scrolling on Instagram or TikTok for 45 minutes.

Not much, right?

The key is to do something very mundane and objective.

For instance, read a book.

When the message is repeated over 50 times, it’s more likely to stay in your mind.

That’s why I love reading books.

I usually read non-fiction but once in a while, I love getting swayed by a story.

I never say no to any type of genre because there is always something valuable to learn from a book.

So, pick up a book.

If you don’t like reading, you’ve probably not found what you love reading.

Think about what you would like to learn about if you had endless time and endless money – read that.

If you’re not a fan of reading, take online courses.

I constantly take online courses on Domestika because I love drawing.

My point is, to keep an open mind.

Always be willing to learn.

Not only will this actually make you smarter but you’ll be more humble too because you’ll know that you’ve never learned enough and there’s a whole lot more to learn!


I want you to know that motivation is not going to be there every day.

Every single person starts a healthy new lifestyle with motivation.

But after a week, that motivation usually dies down – this is normal.

What you need to do is be consistent.

It’s the discipline that will help you stay strong and show up every day.

This means showing up to work out even when you don’t feel like it.

But overall do this for you.

When you do this for yourself, you’ll find it easier to stick to this new routine you’ve built for yourself and become that girl!

Here are a few more posts you’ll love:

Angela is a 30 year old Illustrator and Blogger living with her 2 adorable labradors in Bangalore, India. She has a degree in Psychology and Human Relationships from the University of Toronto. When she's not writing her heart out or drawing, you'll find her sipping chai and reading non-fiction books.


  1. Londekile Majola Reply

    Your blog is very relatable to me. I’ve been feeling rather stuck for over three years now and I need a change. A change for me. For my kids. Thank you 😊

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