Last Updated on June 26, 2023 by Angela Vaz
I’ve always said that communication is the foundation of any relationship.
I have a friend who had amazing chemistry with their partner – their physical chemistry was really, really good.
They dated for 8 years before tying the knot and everything fell apart when they were trapped together during the pandemic.
Because their communication was strong enough.
The misunderstandings grew and eventually, they separated.
In every single relationship, in order for it to thrive, both partners need to communicate with each other.
When both partners are confident, express themselves clearly and fearlessly, and are always on the same page, the relationship becomes stronger and stronger.
You’ll have more adventures, more chemistry, more passion.
In this post, I’ll talk about how to become more bold in a relationship and transform your relationship into a wild and exciting ride!
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What does it mean to be bold in a relationship?
Being more bold in a relationship means stepping out of your comfort zone, taking initiative, and expressing yourself honestly and clearly.
Both partners need to be proactive, adventurous and sometimes push boundaries so that they can grow together and connect better.
It also means communicating with each other and being super honest about your needs and desires.
For instance, if you’re craving more love, affection, and intimacy – instead of giving the silent treatment to your partner (which borders on emotional manipulation is toxic), you actually tell your partner that.
For instance, today my partner told me he couldn’t find his crepe bandage. I was in the middle of work so I nodded.
He then said, “I mean, can you help me look for it?”
That’s when I understood that he actually wanted my help.
Now, in my earlier relationship, my ex would have not broken down things for me like that. He would get mad at me if I didn’t understand the subtext.
Being bold in a relationship also means taking emotional risks – It involves being vulnerable and willing to open yourself up emotionally.
It’s not easy for people with trust issues.
But this is something we have to work towards.
And most of all, it means being authentic. It means not trying to be anyone else or put on a show – because let’s face it, that won’t last.
When we’re honest, have realistic expectations, and communicate openly, even navigating conflicts becomes easier.
Both partners are able to work through conflicts with maturity and empathy – they realize that they do not agree on something and are more than willing to find a resolution that works for both of them.
This is ultimately what helps a relationship blossom!
How to be more bold in a relationship? 7 Easy Ways
1 . Express your desires openly
Understand what exactly it is you want from the relationship – this is your homework.
Sometimes, we feel something is wrong but we expect our partners to find out and fix it – this is wrong.
Our partners are not our therapists.
So, reflect on your desires.
Note them down and categorize them:
- Physical desires
- Emotional desires
- Intellectual desires
Once you understand what you want, you’ll have the clarity to approach your partner.
Now, talk to your partner.
Make sure that your partner and you have open communication – where both of you can discuss things without judgment and criticism.
There are no wrong wants and needs.
By establishing a safe space, both of you will be able to communicate openly and be more vulnerable with each other.
Make sure you use “I” statements.
For example, you can say, “I would love to explore more sensual experiences with you, are you open to that as well?” instead of saying “You don’t initiate anything intimate unless I do.”
The first sentence helps the partner see where you’re coming from, the second will just make them close up and go on the defensive.
2. Take initiative
It’s so easy to point fingers and blame our partners for everything.
But the whole point of getting into a relationship with someone is having companionship.
Nobody should ever keep score in a relationship. It’s just distasteful and it doesn’t help anyone.
As you date your partner and get to know them, you learn what they like and want more of.
My partner and I are compatible but we are super different.
I love staying indoors and he loves to travel.
As we learned more about each other, I started loving travel and he started loving nights in.
We now plan little dates that revolve around both of these experiences.
Take the lead when it comes to planning activities, outings, or date nights. It’s so much fun!
Surprise your partner with a well-thought-out plan that caters to their interests specifically.
For instance, I know my partner loves Marvel and DC so I constantly book tickets to go see the movies when they come out.
By taking the initiative to plan, you actually show your partner that you value their happiness.
Be open with your communication too.
Don’t feel shy to go out of the way and show appreciation and gratitude to your partner when they do something nice for you.
Say things like:
- “Thank you for making me coffee, it’s so nice of you.”
- “I really like how supportive you are, it means a lot to me.”
- “You have so much drive – this fuels me too, this is why I love spending time with you.”
Every time you realize that they’re doing something nice, say thank you.
It seriously goes a long way!
3. Embrace vulnerability and step out of your comfort zone
As a person who has been through a toxic and abusive relationship – I know firsthand what it means to have trust issues.
This combined with childhood trauma explains why most people experience trust issues and have difficulty trusting people and being more open.
But, baby steps.
This is why it’s so important to date and not over-commit too quickly when you’re dating.
You need to be safe and slowly get to know someone.
Time and data collection.
A person can only keep up pretenses for 3-6 months, after that, their true nature slowly reveals itself.
Understand that only when you become vulnerable, you can bond with your partner properly.
It creates space for genuine connection and emotional intimacy and yes, this does involve stepping out of your comfort zone.
But that’s the risk we take when we enter relationships.
Take some time to reflect on those fears and barriers that are holding you back from being vulnerable.
Maybe you were rejected or judged in the past and this has caused you to shut yourself away and build higher walls.
Know, that this is normal but you can get over this.
Communicate with your partner.
Be open, share your fears and concerns – let them know that you want to create a safe space so both of you can be open and genuine with each other.
Take little steps.
As they reveal one layer, so do you. This is why dating needs to be slow.
Start with small steps that gradually push your comfort zone.
Share something personal about your day, express your emotions more openly, and even try initiating conversations about topics that make you feel vulnerable.
As you become more comfortable with these smaller steps, you’ll gradually increase the level of vulnerability with your interactions.
Remember, vulnerability is a two-way street.
Both of you need to listen to each other, giving each other complete attention and not judging. Empath is super important!
At the same time, be open to feedback and learning.
I’ve learned so many things about myself in my relationships. I’ve learned to be less controlling, more flexible, and most importantly – more patient and kind.
As we keep pushing those boundaries, we become better versions of ourselves.
Celebrate the courage it takes to become more open and vulnerable – it’s not a sign of weakness.
And not only will both of you grow individually, but you’ll also both grow as a couple too!
4. Embrace being authentic
You have to remember that both of you are a couple but at the same time you are 2 completely different individuals:
- Coming from different backgrounds
- Raised in different environments
- Inculcated with different values and beliefs
Both of you have to take some time to reflect on your own values, beliefs, and identity.
Don’t merge them and become 1 – you mustn’t be so lost in the relationship that you lose your identity.
Understand what makes you tick, what truly matters to you, and what makes you unique.
This will help you gain clarity about who you are and what you bring to the relationship.
Don’t spend 24 hours with your partner and become inseparable.
You are 2 unique individuals who need some alone time once in a while. Learn to co-exist and be happy being on your own too.
Release the habit of judging yourself and comparing yourself to others – focus on your own journey.
Understand that you cannot change your partner and your partner shouldn’t change you – it’s about evolving together because you both want to.
Celebrate being you – trust your partner loves you for who you are.
As you spend more time together, discover your unique strengths and your partner’s.
Do what feels natural to you and let your partner do the same.
I love drawing, I can draw for hours at a stretch.
Sometimes I sit and draw while my partner goes out for hikes alone or with his friends.
I have a girls’ meet-up every Saturday and my partner plays basketball with his friends.
We both have our own unique interests and hobbies.
Together you and your partner need to be true to your individual needs – and at the same time, learn to draw boundaries.
5. Support each other’s ambitions
In order to grow together, you need to be on the same team.
Take the time to listen actively when your partner shares their goals, ambitions, and dreams.
Show genuine interest and ask questions to understand their goals better.
By actively listening, you are showing your support and creating a safe environment.
Be your partner’s biggest cheerleader.
You don’t need to fix their problems for them, but it doesn’t hurt to be supportive.
Offer help when it involves lending a hand, like researching information, proofreading their work, and so on, only if you feel comfortable doing it.
Let them share their setbacks and challenges with you, and practice active listening without judgment.
Sometimes, it’s also fun to brainstorm ideas together – you can offer suggestions and share your perspectives.
Collaborating together can bring about fresh perspectives and both of you can grow together.
6. Embrace being spontaneous
The whole concept of becoming bolder in a relationship is to be spontaneous.
It’s nice having a regular life and it’s good to have some semblance of a routine.
I’m not denying that.
But at the same time, it’s important to color outside the lines every once in a while.
Take trips together – the planning is the best part.
My partner and I try to take short trips together every month or so – sometimes we take our dogs with us too!
Let go of expectations and enjoy the ride.
Focus on the present and live in the present moment – fully immersing yourself in the experience.
Savor the moments you spend together.
If you’re a control freak like me and have trouble letting go, then I know it’s going to take a while.
I needed to know exactly what was going to happen minute by minute.
But now, I try to go with the flow.
7. Keep the flame alive
Let’s say you’re getting stuck or feeling frustrated.
It’s normal – we go through this.
Sometimes, you need a breather.
Don’t take it out on your partner.
Go out and get those juices flowing. Maybe write something, dance, or play a sport.
Invite your partner to do the same.
Whenever I’m feeling stuck, my partner and I step out for breakfast or go for a coffee.
Sometimes, we just drive with no purpose.
Or we go to the basketball court and I instantly feel better breathing in fresh air.
Or we lift weights.
When you feel that both of you are feeling stuck or you feel the passion and intimacy have reduced, do something to nurture that spark that brought both of you together.
Your relationship cannot be high all the time.
There are going to be a few lows and a lot of normal days.
Make dedicated time for each other amidst the busyness of life.
Plan a date night every single week – it’s super important especially if both of you have intensive jobs or kids.
Plan a weekend getaway once every month or so.
Do some simple activities at home.
Some nights, we do a game night with friends.
Or we order takeout and watch a movie that will make us laugh till we’re crying.
Plan a spontaneous outing or a surprise.
These unexpected moments of thoughtfulness and spontaneity will reignite that spark.
Also, nurture your sexual connection and make time for intimacy.
If both of you are constantly busy, and you notice that intimacy is lacking – schedule these special nights so that both of you can make time for each other.
Communicate your desires openly, explore each other’s fantasies, and be open to new experiences.
By far, keeping the flame alive requires the most effort – especially as the relationship gets longer and longer.
But if both of you are committed to prioritizing your relationship and constantly nurturing each other emotionally and physically – you can create a love that continues to deepen over time.
I know it’s possible because I’ve seen my parents do it. =)
Becoming more bold in a relationship is a continuous journey of love, connection, and growth.
You get better at expressing yourself to your partner as time passes by – It requires effort on your part to openly communicate with your partner.
Relationships require a lot of ongoing care and attention.
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