Last Updated on June 22, 2023 by Angela Vaz

This whole blog is dedicated to relationships and love.

When you find yourself involved in a complicated affair with a married man – it can be emotionally overwhelming.

It’s totally natural to wonder if the love and connection you once shared are starting to fade.

In this post, I want to dig deep into the signs a married man is done with you. I’ll also discuss subtle hints and behavior shifts he might be showing you that you’ve already picked up.

I’m going to be honest – everyone’s situation is different.

These signs are not foolproof guarantees of course, but they can serve as red flags to help you understand what’s actually happening in your relationship.

By noting these signs, you might be able to understand what’s happening and make a decision or choice.

I do believe that ultimately, you need to prioritize self-care and happiness.

Communication is the key here – if you notice something is wrong, talk to your partner and gain clarity about where you both stand.

Yes, it’s undoubtedly uncomfortable – but this is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship.

Let’s dive into some signs a married man is done with you.

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1. Your communication has died down considerably

your communication has died down

At the beginning of the relationship when things are going well, perhaps both of you communicated very frequently.

Maybe you both texted and called a lot or he was extremely interested to know you.

But now you’re feeling like he is distancing himself from you and the communication has died down.

This can show in many ways:

  1. Fewer messages or calls: He might start reaching out less frequently, with longer gaps between conversations. He may only reply when he feels the matter is urgent.
  2. Delayed Responses: When you do reach out to him, he takes longer than usual to respond. Sometimes it’s hours or days and you feel like you’ve lost that spark.
  3. Superficial Conversations: If you do manage to engage in a conversation with him, you feel like it’s really shallow and no longer as interesting as before. You feel that deep down he is being indifferent to you.
  4. Disinterest in Your Life: He has no interest in knowing what’s going on in your day-to-day life. You’re beginning to feel that the conversations are very one-sided.
  5. Lack of Initiation: Previously, it was him always making plans and initiating conversations – but now you’re beginning to feel that you’re the one doing everything to gain his attention. You feel he is disinterested and very unresponsive.

Of course, the lack of communication can also mean that he is busy, stressed, or going through something serious – this is why it’s important to have a conversation with him and find out what’s really going on.

Open communication is the key to building a better and more solid relationship.

2. Lack of interest

he is disinterested

Your conversations that were once magical and enchanting are now indifferent and lack serious luster.

You’re beginning to feel that your conversations sound like a chore to him.

And instead of being emotionally attached to you, you’re feeling like he is very indifferent.

Maybe he no longer asks follow-up questions or provides thoughtful answers.

He no longer shows curiosity about your hobbies, your life, or your goals.

He is even beginning to show a lack of concern for your well-being.

And unless the conversation is about something urgent, you’re beginning to feel a distance coming in between you.

3. He is emotionally detached

he is emotionally detached

Perhaps he is acting aloof, distant, or disconnected.

Maybe he was really affectionate before (both verbally and physically) but now you’re beginning to notice that he is no longer being so affectionate.

The hugs, kisses, and loving words have decreased.

He no longer shows you the same emotional support and understanding he once did – perhaps now he may appear to be more disinterested and aloof.

You’re beginning to feel like he’s pulling away and losing interest in the relationship.

4. He constantly cancels plans

he constantly cancels plans

If he is already starting to lose interest or become distant, you may even notice that he is constantly canceling plans or rescheduling plans.

This is one of the biggest signs a married man is done with you.

He may provide very flimsy or vague excuses like he’s got work or he has to drop the kids somewhere.

Unlike before when he used to make time for you, he may now have other commitments or priorities.

He also makes no attempt to reschedule or find an alternate time to meet. He appears disinterested in finding a time that works for both of you.

He may expect you to be available when you’re busy but it will not work the other way around.

5. He doesn’t spend as much quality time with you as he used to

he doesn't spend quality time with you

If he’s already being distant with you, you may even notice that he’s reducing the amount of quality time he’s spending with you.

This can mean that his priorities are shifting and he’s no longer interested in nurturing the relationship you have with him.

He may decrease your regular meetings or you may notice that dates become more sporadic and infrequent.

Even if he does meet you, he ends up cutting the date short and says he needs to leave early – you may feel rushed or you may feel like he’s not fully present and your dates are always cut short.

You may also notice that he’s prioritizing his family, work, or other responsibilities.

You’re beginning to feel like you’re not as important to him as you were.

This is a huge sign that a married man is losing interest.

6. He is no longer as affectionate

This is a sign that a man is losing interest.

In my marriage to my ex, when I noticed that my husband had stopped being affectionate – I should have realized something was going on.

When a man stops kissing, hugging or just making those small affectionate gestures – it means that the physical connection has died down.

He may also stop or reduce engaging in deep conversations that you used to like – conversations about dreams, personal growth, etc.

You may feel that the closeness you once shared is now lacking.

7. You feel he’s becoming more secretive

you feel he's becoming secretive

When a married man is becoming distant or losing interest, you may notice an increase in secretive behavior.

He may now be more guarded, and evasive or you may feel like he’s hiding aspects of his life (that he didn’t do before).

He may be more secretive about his phone or computer or other personal devices.

You may notice him stalling to share certain details – conversations that used to be more free-flowing are now very guarded.

He may even give you ambiguous answers and avoid clear explanations.

He may start disappearing or being unavailable without providing any reason why.

Take a look at his behavior and ask yourself if he is indeed being more secretive.

8. He tries to avoid talking about the future

he avoids talking about the future

A big sign that he is done with you is when he no longer talks about the future.

This can mean that he is not emotionally connected to you and may not see this relationship as a long-term commitment.

He may avoid planning the future or even discussing the future when you ask him about it.

If you bring up topics like marriage, family, or making any sort of joint commitment, he may change the subject or show a total lack of interest.

He may respond with vague and unambiguous answers that don’t give any clarity.

He may seem hesitant, worried, or just irritated instead o being excited about a future with you.

Know that this is not normal.

If a man isn’t excited about a future with you – then the relationship isn’t going anywhere.

He may be simply living in the present and likes his time with you but that may just be it – he wants no future, just simple gratification.

9. He doesn’t like talking to you outside of your dates

he doesn't like talking to you outside of meetings

When a married man is done with the relationship, you may observe that he prefers to limit or totally avoid conversations outside of your scheduled dates or meetings.

This can mean that your emotional connection is reducing.

He may even take a long time to reply to texts and calls and the frequency of your communication is declining.

Even if you do talk to him, there is a huge unwillingness to engage in personal topics.

10. He no longer is jealous or cares about how you interact with other people

he is not jealous

First of all, if you feel the need to get his attention by stepping out of the box – your relationship has reached a pretty undesirable stage.

Please know that you don’t have to beg for love – when 2 people love each other, you should automatically give each other the love, respect, and care you both deserve.

However, if you feel like you’re lonely and talking to others also doesn’t see to pique his curiosity and he genuinely doesn’t care – then this is a sign that he no longer cares about the relationship.

11. He constantly makes excuses

When a married man is done with a relationship, you may notice a pattern where he is constantly making excuses.

He may just avoid spending time with you altogether but his excuses will be rampant – they’ll range from work-related commitments to social engagements and it will always leave you without a response.

You might even feel neglected or unimportant.

Your relationship might have reached the stage where you feel like he is extremely unreliable because he’s always canceling plans, dates, and meetings.

He may be super inconsistent and is always breaking promises.

This will have a huge impact on the trust you have in him.

And he’ll constantly blame his tardiness on work stress or other personal challenges – he will avoid taking responsibility for his emotional detachment.

12. He is irritable

he is extremely irritable

The biggest sign a married man is done with you is if he’s constantly irritable – irritable to the point where you’re worried to call him for fear of spoiling his mood or getting dismissed.

He may show you that he’s extremely irritable and frustrated – he may now have a short temper and almost anything can piss him off.

Things that didn’t bother him before are now setting him on fire.

He may be more critical toward you and you might feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells to avoid setting him off.

Instead of engaging in discussions with you, he may withdraw and respond with silence – this is a sign of toxic communication.

13. He may be indifferent

he is indifferent

One of the worst things that I wish on no one is a person you love behaving indifferently to you.

If you feel that he has changed and no longer gives you the time of day – know that it’s over.

He may become distant, aloof, and just overall disconnected.

He may stop being compassionate, affectionate and not even treat you with respect.

In this case, I highly recommend you end the relationship – but I’ll talk about it towards the end of this post.

If he isn’t being supportive, giving you comfort and overall distancing himself from you – know that something is terribly wrong.

You can and should try communicating with him to see what’s actually up but I highly suggest ending it (especially if you feel he no longer values you) because you’re not dealing with an emotionally mature person.

14. He is neglecting your needs

he is neglecting your needs

You may find that he’s no longer happy supporting you.

You’ll find that every time you try to reach him for help or support – he’s dismissive or just doesn’t follow through with his words.

He may promise you that he’ll be there but he usually isn’t.

He may not be reachable on the phone.

Overall, you’ll find that he’s just emotionally disconnected.

He’ll constantly prioritize his family and work and put them ahead of your relationship.

15. You feel he is unhappy and discontent

he is unhappy and discontent

When a married man is done with the relationship, you’ll notice that he’s usually unhappy and discontent.

You may find him moody, distant, and irritable.

He may no longer show enthusiasm when you tell him something exciting. He may not even want to pursue hobbies both of you shared earlier.

He may be emotionally withdrawn or closed off.

He may be extremely negative and will constantly voice that he’s not happy.

If you also find that he is constantly pessimistic about life, relationships, etc – the problem isn’t you.

He’s just not happy and he’s showing disinterest.

What to do if he’s done with me?

Everybody has a choice.

Sometimes things don’t work out.

I was married once before.

My then-husband dated me for 4 years before we got married. Things were not okay even when we were dating.

There were serious compatibility issues – we even had a huge disparity between our goals and values.

We were young, and I was naive – I believed that only love was important.

It isn’t.

More than love, there is trust, understanding, compassion, and most of all compatibility.

If any one of those things is missing – a relationship is very, very hard to work on.

We were unhappy for a long time before I discovered he was cheating on me.

Despite feeling immensely betrayed by the lies and broken trust, I walked away with my dogs.

I took it as a sign that I was meant for better things and I did not want to be in a relationship with someone who wasn’t loyal or honest.

For me, honesty was a priority in the relationship.

While I was leaving and moving out, I was approached by a lot of neighbors and friends who confirmed that he was sleeping with the other woman but he was also bringing home prostitutes when I wasn’t home.

I realized that he was cheating on me and the other woman.

Of course, not everyone is like this.

I also have a dear friend who got into a relationship with a married man despite my advice. He promised her that he’d leave his wife and children. She believed him.

In the end, he ghosted her and blocked all her calls and texts.

I have seen this story replay several times and it’s never a happy ending.

I do not know where you are or what your story is – but I can tell you this.

If a married man is seeing you and still going back to his wife at the end of the day or is refusing to get a divorce because:

  • The timing is not right
  • The kids need a parent
  • He’s waiting for things to settle down

It means he’s lying to you.

He is thoroughly enjoying your company while at the same time enjoying the comfort of being married to his wife.

You need to realize that you are worth so much more than this.

You deserve better.

If you want a man that is committed to you and you alone, you can have that.

But in order to get there, you need to release this relationship you have.

You cannot find another man while you’re still hooked emotionally to this one.

You need to let him go, heal and be okay with being single for a while and then ask yourself what is it you’re looking for in a person.

One day, you’ll find love again.

But this time, it will be different.

As long as you hold on to the wrong relationship, you’ll never find the right one.

I hope this helps. Here are some more articles that you might find beneficial:

Angela is a 31 year old Illustrator and Blogger living with her 2 adorable labradors in Bangalore, India. She has a degree in Psychology and Human Relationships from the University of Toronto. When she's not writing her heart out or drawing, you'll find her sipping chai and reading non-fiction books.

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