Last Updated on September 8, 2023 by Angela Vaz

You had a good time.

You had a good conversation.

And you felt that both of you had good chemistry.

Surely, he felt the same way.

So, what gives?

Why hasn’t he asked you for a second date?

There’s no need to jump to conclusions and assume the worst.

It was just a date.

And it’s okay to be excited or look forward to the second date – that’s completely alright.

So, let’s look into all the genuine reasons why he hasn’t asked you for a second date.

I’ve written extensively on this topic, so I’ll link to more similar posts at the bottom of this post – be sure to check it out!

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1. He isn’t interested

he isn't interested

You have to understand that everybody is built differently.

We all have different needs and wants.

For example, I appreciate people who play sports – I genuinely admire that drive. But I don’t like sports.

I cannot for the life of me play a FIFA game or even be bothered to watch it on TV.

It’s not my cup of tea.

Similarly, we are like that with people.

Just because you are not interested in someone doesn’t mean something is inherently wrong with them.


  • You both want different things in life
  • You both have different ideas of what fun is.
  • Perhaps there was a lack of emotional connection.

The possibilities are endless.

And if he isn’t interested – that’s okay.

Just ask him.

Talk normally via text or call, and don’t ask for a second date if you don’t feel the interest is 2-sided.

If you feel like he’s attempting to call or talk to you, then ask him for a coffee – it’s no big deal.

2. Compatibility issues

compatibility issues

Perhaps you both like each other and fancy each other, but you’re incompatible.

I met a guy like this once.

He was nice, but we just weren’t compatible.

He didn’t want to have dogs in the house; he wanted to travel non-stop and was extremely into adventure sports. He also liked partying every single weekend.

He was a lovely human being, but I didn’t see it working out.

I knew that we just weren’t compatible.

So, although we did go out for 2 more dates, it just didn’t stick. I knew it wasn’t working.

Dating allows everyone to size another person up and see if both parties want the same things.

Your goals needn’t be the same but must be somewhat aligned.

If one of you wants kids and the other doesn’t, or one of you wants a long-term relationship but the other wants an open relationship, then yes, you aren’t compatible.

And again, that’s okay.

There is no crime in being different.

So, he must have seen that both of you aren’t compatible, and that’s probably why he hasn’t asked you for a second date.

3. The timing is off

the timing is off

Perhaps his career is too important right now, and he just doesn’t have the time to schedule another date.

Or he has some personal commitments that can delay him from asking for a second date.

I highly recommend talking to him and simply asking what’s up.

Be open and honest.

Especially if it’s been 2-3 days and you haven’t heard back.

Simply say hello and see what he’s up to. Give him a chance to redeem himself and explain why he’s been radio-silent.

4. He isn’t a good communicator

he has communication issues

I cannot handle people who don’t communicate well.

Open and clear communication are my top requirements when I date.

And if you’re dating a guy who is extremely shy or unclear with his communication, you need to clarify and let him know that this isn’t working for you.

A lot of men actually wait for the woman to express interest first. That’s okay, but if both of you are playing games and expecting the other person to make the first move – the relationship isn’t going to work.

If you like this guy, tell him you enjoyed the first date and are keen on catching up again.

It isn’t desperate because you really liked him, and you’re simply letting him know.

If you don’t see that same enthusiastic response – that’s alright. Simply move on.

5. Fear of rejection

fear of rejection

Men get rejected a lot.

And more often than not, they cannot handle it.

It’s very important to date a mature man who can handle rejection. I had a male friend who was over 30 but had never gone out with a single woman because he was afraid of rejection.

He had placed so many expectations on dating that nobody met his criteria.

This guy may have genuinely enjoyed your presence but hesitates to ask you for a second date out of fear of rejection.

He may not be sure whether you like him or not, so he’s waiting for you to make a move.

Make a move and show him that the first date was good!

But there has to be a balance.

If it’s always you making the first move, then you need to come clean with him and let him know that he needs to showcase his interest better because his lack of confidence is not pleasing you.

6. External influences

external influences

Life happens.

He may be unavailable emotionally due to personal issues, family matters, or work-related stress.

And if this is the case, you need to ask him and find out what’s keeping him from showing interest.

After he lets you know, it’s up to you if you want to wait or move on.

But if you’ve only known him briefly, move on.

Don’t wait for someone if they obviously have issues to work on and can’t give you the time and attention you deserve.

The first few weeks/months of dating are very important, and both parties must be equally committed to getting to know one another.

We all have stuff going on in our lives.

But we must always be honest with the people we are dating so that they aren’t left hanging.

I would never initiate a first date with someone if I had personal issues going on. I’d always take care of them before getting to know someone.

7. He isn’t healed yet

he isn't healed yet

There is a chance that he’s dating just to distract himself.

I met a guy once who was clearly not over his ex. He kept getting distracted, and I could tell that he was not done healing.

He may be sticking to the past, and he may have had negative experiences in dating that might be keeping him from showing interest.

There was a guy I dated who wouldn’t stop talking about all the bad dates he went on.

He listed so many faults and generalized women as “cheaters.” Needless to say, I lost interest.

Again, this isn’t a bad thing.

But if a man is extremely pessimistic or just believes that all women are trash, please don’t try to convince him otherwise.

You aren’t his therapist.

Nor are you his wife. Let it go and move on to someone who believes good people exist.

8. Different expectations

different expectations

There is a chance that he hasn’t asked for a second date simply because he had different expectations for the first date, and it didn’t meet his expectations.

Let’s say he had different hopes about what the date would be like and what he was looking for in a partner, but those expectations didn’t align – so maybe he just wasn’t interested.

Maybe he wanted a casual or lighthearted date, but you were more serious and committed.

Or, while you were both talking and explaining what you wanted in a relationship, he realized it was not what he wanted.

Or you both had very different lifestyles and goals, and he realized that it would not work out.

Either way, there is nothing wrong with this, and it’s good.

Liking a person isn’t enough to keep dating them.

As I said earlier, your goals, values, and lifestyles must align.

Compatibility is very important.

It’s completely alright to have different expectations – this is an opportunity for both individuals to learn more about what they really want in a partner.

So, don’t take it as a bad thing – simply wish him well and keep looking for someone who is more aligned with you.

9. Social pressure

social pressure

Sometimes, friends or family can influence someone’s decisions regarding dating, which can cause them to not ask for a second date.

I remember dating a guy who was a lot of fun on the first date.

He ghosted me right after.

And I was new to dating, so I had no idea what had happened and why he mysteriously went radio silent.

So, I called him 2 times before he called back and said that he wasn’t interested in dating a divorcee.

Apparently, he had spoken to his mum and family, and they’d said getting involved with someone already married was not wise.

It stung, but I told him I’d have preferred it if he had been honest with me and told me immediately instead of ghosting me.

He tried to contact me 3 times after that because he changed his mind, but I said no.

This whole experience taught me to become better at filtering people.

I strongly believe that if a grown man relies on his friends and family to choose a mate for him, then it’s better to find someone else.

You’d be better off with a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to pursue it or end it.

That speaks volumes about a person’s maturity.

10. Personal growth

personal growth

People’s preferences and priorities change over time.

Sometimes, we think we want something, and then when we see it live, we realize that what we want is different from what we see.

For instance, a part of me always wanted children.

It had been drilled into me by society that a good girl grows up, gets married, and has kids.

But after spending a lot of time alone, I realized that it was far from what I wanted.

I really wanted to adopt animals and provide good homes for them. I also really like traveling.

I found a man who wants the same thing.

And I’m so glad I didn’t build a relationship with someone who wanted kids – because one of us would have had to compromise, which isn’t fair.

So, chances are he didn’t feel like something clicked and wanted to pursue other interests.

And again, that’s okay.

11. Safety concerns

safety concerns

He may choose not to pursue a second date if he feels uncomfortable or unsafe during the first date.

I remember dating a guy who snogged me while I was eating a cheesecake on the first date.

My mouth was full of food, and he didn’t even ask me for my consent.

I was repulsed.

He couldn’t take no for an answer, which was a BIG red flag.

So, if a person didn’t feel safe or comfortable during that first date, he may have chosen not to pursue a second date.

Additional reasons: He may have practical reasons, like knowing he will leave the country or travel.

Or both of you live very far away at the moment, and the distance/transportation is too inconvenient and doesn’t seem worth it to him.

So, again, it’s a personal preference, and it’s alright.

How long is it normal to wait for a second date?

It actually depends on the situation and how often you communicate.

I would say it’s perfectly alright to keep another date within a week. But during that time, it’s important to communicate and check in often.

That’s a sign that both of you are very much into the talking phase, and it’s going well!

Here are a few more posts you may find helpful:

Angela is a 30 year old Illustrator and Blogger living with her 2 adorable labradors in Bangalore, India. She has a degree in Psychology and Human Relationships from the University of Toronto. When she's not writing her heart out or drawing, you'll find her sipping chai and reading non-fiction books.

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