Last Updated on May 29, 2023 by Angela Vaz
I am not saying that every guy is lusty and wants sex all the time.
A lot of men are emotionally very mature and are quite honest about their wants and needs.
If they’re looking for a long term relationship, they know that they have to put their sexual needs on the back burner till they get to know the person.
But a lot of men want only sex – there is nothing wrong with this, it’s a need.
So, let’s say guy you’re talking to is talking very sexually with you, does he like you?
What does it mean?
If he’s a friend, is he looking to hook up? If he is an employer, does he want something more?
In this post, we are going to discuss this.
My name is Angela. I have a degree in Human Relationships and Psychology and I’ve had my fair share of dating and being single. I am now in a loving and committed relationship but I’ve spent a lot of time with men and understanding how they work.
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Does talking sexually mean they are interested?
1. Analyze the relationship
If he is a friend, a close acquaintance, a family friend – based on this, you can understand where he’s coming from.
2. Try to understand the setting
Is he talking about this privately to you or is he talking openly while there are people around? Is it a casual gathering with friends, or a more intimate one-on-one interaction?
These factors matter.
This will reveal his intentions behind what he’s saying.
3. Is this a normal occurrence for him?
Has he always been engaging in conversations like this? Is this totally normal or is it completely out of character?
Usually, if sexual talk is a recurring theme, it might just be normal talk.
4. Is it a date?
Is he alone with you and giving you hints?
Is he feeling comfortable with you and is this a one on one?
Has he already explicitly expressed interest before? And have you both been flirting with one another?
It’s always better to understand the context and see if he is influenced by other things, before jumping to conclusions.
Is there any emotional connection between you and this person?
I bring this up because sometimes people who we never expect to do this, sometimes break the rules.
I remember a male friend called me to talk.
I was in town so we agreed to meet up.
He was in a bad place, he was broken and he only wanted a friend. But I could tell that the conversation was definitely going somewhere and there was a lot of subliminal cues and eye-contact.
This is why you have to pay attention to these non-verbal cues.
1. Watch the body language
Is he sitting close to you? Or when he texts, is he going out of the way to flirt with you and talk sexually to you?
2. Is he making eye contact?
When a guy wants to get close to you, he will make eye-contact and reveal a lot of personal things to you.
He may also drink a lot because he wants to become more vulnerable with you and alcohol also lowers our inhibitions.
3. Is he venting?
Is he only discussing his problems with you? Or are you reading something more into this situation?
In my case, my friend was facing relationship problems and while he was confiding in me, I could tell that he was vulnerable and extremely emotional.
He wanted physical comfort, and I backed away.
In my case, I knew it was wrong to take advantage of the situation. I knew it was not something that was definite – there was no substance.
I took everything at face value and comforted him verbally only.
I said things would get better and I told him if he was unhappy, he could just walk away from the relationship.
But cheating on her was not the answer.
After I gave him my advice, I left.
Don’t mistake sexual talk for love
We are human.
We all get attracted to other human beings.
It’s not going to happen once. It’s going to happen over and over again.
Attraction doesn’t necessarily mean love/relationship/like, etc.
It’s very important to not confuse infatuation with love.
Please note that sexual attraction, doesn’t necessarily mean that this person is looking for any kind of commitment.
If you are dating, hold off sex for a while till you get to know the person completely.
I say this (not because I’m not sex positive – I surely am) because it’s very important to build an emotional connection before a physical one.
Especially, if you are looking for a long-term relationship with this person.
If not, then it’s completely fine.
You can have sex and you can do it freely.
Just make sure that both you and your partner know exactly what is going to happen. Check in with them, make sure that they too know that the relationship is casual.
Does he like you if a guy talks sexually?
Honestly, it depends.
If both of you are single and he rarely discusses anything except sex, is constantly flirting and is really turned on by you, chances are he finds you very sexually attractive and wants to sleep with you.
But you cannot read anything more into it.
Being attracted to you sexully doesn’t mean that he has feelings for you or wants an emotional connection or wants a long-term relationship.
Being turned on by you and talking only about sex means that he wants to have a sexual relationship with you.
You have to take that at face value right now.
If you do want to have sex too, then you can definitely pursue it.
But if you want a long-term relationship, then tell him that.
And my honest suggestion is, build an emotional connection first to see if you both are compatible with each other.
Dating is all about:
- Finding out if both of you have similar goals and values
- Understanding if both of you are compatible
- Discussing your needs and desires with each other
It’s more than just sex.
Sex is just as important, but it does come later, especially if you are looking to build a long-term relationship.
Practice open communication
Now, whether this is your friend, or a person you’ve only barely met – if you are confused, simply ask.
Our biggest pro as human beings is our desire to socialize and communicate – we are good at it.
Use your words and simply ask him what he wants.
Ask him if he’s looking for something more than just friendship or you’re mistaken and it was just a conversation.
If all the cues you’ve assessed are wrong, and it’s just a conversation – there’s no harm done.
If at all he wants something more, he’ll tell you.
It’s very important to be open and honest and understand each other’s intentions in a relationship/friendship.
If you don’t like these conversations, you have the right to draw boundaries and state these boundaries to him.
If you are already in a relationship, or you don’t want to move forward with his advances, then state that.
Make it very clear.
If your needs and desires aren’t the same as his, be very firm about it.
You are entitled to state your wants and needs, just as much as he is his.
If at all you feel that these conversations are crossing those boundaries, put a stop to it. Explain that you’re not comfortable discussing these issues.
Don’t lead this person on
If you like the conversations but don’t want it going further, be very clear about it.
Tell him that you enjoy the conversations but you’re not willing to move forward with this.
If all he wants are conversations too, then both of you are getting what you want – that’s awesome.
I’ve dated men who were never clear about their intentions, who wanted sex on the first date but would ghost immediately afterward – so I stress on open communication a lot.
Be clear with your needs and desires.
There is no wrong need and desire – but just make sure both of you are on the same page.
Conclusion
The best way to avoid misunderstandings is to be direct but kind.
Ask this person what exactly is the intention behind all this sexual talk if it’s confusing you.
Open and direct communication will help you understand this person’s intentions.
State your boundaries if you feel they are being crossed.
At the end of the day, we learn more and more as we talk to more and more people.
We begin to understand body language and are able to decipher what people are saying with their actions.
Trust your instincts – they’re rarely wrong.
And most importantly, please prioritize your own emotional well-being when navigating relationships.
Relationships just like people are extremely fluid – so you need to do what feels comfortable for you.
Here are some more posts you may find helpful:
- 15 signs the talking stage is going really well
- 17 Alarming Red Flags When Dating a Guy (You Need to Heed)
- 13 Clear Signs You Have a Sparkling Personality that People Love
- 17 Crystal Clear Signs You Will Never Find Love + How to Fix It
- Can a Guy Cheat But Still Love You? – My Personal Experience
- 11 Strange Reasons Why Guys Stare at You But Never Smile
- No One Compares to Your Ex: Here’s What You Should Do
- 17 Unmistakable Situationship Red Flags that You Should Heed
- Does Body Count Matter? Everything You Really Need to Know
- 24 Reasons + Ways to Develop a Bubbly Personality (+ Benefits)
- Finding Peace: How to Stop Thinking About Someone Who Hurt You
- How to Give Yourself Grace (When You Feel Low)
- 23 Unmistakable Signs He Doesn’t Want You Sexually + What to Do
- How to Glow Up After a Breakup – Here’s Everything I Did
