Last Updated on January 5, 2023 by Angela Vaz
You feel cooped up.
You feel envious when you see other couples going out and having fun together.
You’re not asking for much.
Just a few dinner dates together or a movie once in a while.
Your boyfriend never takes you out and just once you want things to change.
I hear you because I was in a relationship like this.
I’ll tell you what I did.
In this post, I am going to talk about the possible reasons why your boyfriend never takes you out and then discuss how to fix it.
There are different situations so we’ll go step by step.
Let’s dive in.
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Why does my boyfriend never take me out? 7 genuine reasons
1. He is an introvert
Some people genuinely don’t like going out.
Ask yourself if this has been his behaviour from the time you’ve known him.
Does he usually prefer staying indoors during weekends?
Does he also cancel plans with friends when they call him over?
Is he the type of person to always find a workaround to going out?
If this is the case, then maybe he is just an introvert.
If he hangs out with friends and actually looks forward to going out, skip this step.
2. He just wanted a girlfriend
Some people want partners but don’t like putting in the work.
Perhaps he just wants a girlfriend and is not interested in actually doing what is necessary to make sure you are happy.
Such people are often self-centered.
They go about doing their own thing and hoping that the relationship will last.
They are also the types of people who feel like as long as they are in a room with you, they’re spending time with you.
They only want a girlfriend to get their physical needs met.
In this case, I suggest you re-evaluate your needs and see if this kind of treatment is something you want to put up with.
It is necessary that both of you get your needs met in a relationship.
3. He is embarrassed to be seen in public with you
My ex was like this.
He genuinely did not want to be seen in public with me because I was a divorcee.
He was ashamed his friends or family would see us and he’d often make us hide when he thought he saw someone he knew.
Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last long.
If he constantly tells you that he doesn’t want to be seen with you till “things get serious” or he is constantly afraid and ashamed of being seen with a girl, then he is not ready to date.
He needs to become more mature and honestly, you’d be better off with someone else.
4. He is taking you for granted
If him not going out is also accompanied by:
- Him never giving you attention
- Always being on a phone or device
- Constantly telling you he is busy but makes time for other people
- Only gives you attention when he wants to get intimate
Then he is with you for just the 1 reason – to get what he wants from you.
This person is almost likely never going to change.
You can try talking to him or you can try asking him why he never wants to go out. I will give you more methods later on in the post.
5. He doesn’t have the funds
It is quite possible that your boyfriend just doesn’t have the funds to spend on you or is too penny-pinching.
Find out the reason and see if money is the issue.
If it is, then make cheaper alternatives.
You can also go 50-50.
In my honest opinion, every date should always be 50-50 especially if you too are earning and want it to be an equal partnership.
You can splurge on some dates and he can spend on some dates – that’s a good arrangement too.
But if money is a serious issue and he is broke, then suggest dates where you don’t have to spend much money.
- Go out for walks in the park.
- Go to meet friends and play board games.
- Hang out in museums or at the mall where both of you can just walk around and talk.
- Go for a picnic together at the park.
- Go for a hike together.
- Stargaze on your balcony or on the terrace.
- Go to a movie where you each buy your own ticket.
Here are some inexpensive date ideas that you and your boyfriend can try if money is indeed the issue.
6. He doesn’t know what you want
A lot of men aren’t really very intuitive when it comes to women.
For instance, my boyfriend has no idea of gifts that I like.
But I never take offense because he genuinely can’t understand what to get me. So I always send him links on amazon and ask him to get me those for my birthday or Christmas.
A lot of men aren’t mindreaders and you have to tell him what you really want.
In this case, suggest date activities that both of you can do.
Suggest something like a walk in the park or dinner and see if he bites.
If he is always willing to go on date ideas you choose, you now know where the problem lies.
In this case, make suggestions and modify your relationship so that you are the one that always makes the dating suggestions.
7. He has just become complacent
Many couples start becoming couch-potatoes as time goes by.
If you have been dating for a while now and you’re noticing that this is your situation, then the only way forward is to talk to him.
You need to express yourself and let him know that you’re a very social person who likes going out.
Sitting at home is making you feel cooped up and dull and you need something more than that.
Help him understand where you’re coming from.
If he is willing to go out but lacks ideas, then you will have to take it upon yourself to do all the planning.
Suggest date ideas and tell him to get ready.
Pick a date and let him know when the date is going to happen.
If none of this seems exciting to you and you don’t want to make all the plans, then it may be time to call it quits.
Perhaps both of you have a very different idea of what a relationship looks like and maybe you are forcing him to be a completely different person.
8. He isn’t sure about the relationship
When my ex decided to break up with me, he dragged it on for months.
And I couldn’t understand why he had no interest in going out on a date with me.
We were living together and all he wanted to do was sit indoors.
His parents had given him an ultimatum, “Leave the divorcee woman or we cut you off forever.”
He was indecisive and deep down knew he was going to end the relationship.
And whenever I’d ask him about his mood, he’d say that it was nothing or dismiss it as work stress.
Almost 9 months later when he finally broke it off and told me the truth did I piece everything together.
Needless to say, I was crushed and heartbroken.
But it all made sense – the lack of interest in going out, the lack of interest in doing anything where talking was concerned.
So, if your boyfriend’s character has become very disinterested and moody, there is a chance he is thinking of ending the relationship.
I would suggest talking to him and voicing your concerns if you believe this may be the route he is taking.
9. He is anxious of crowds
There are some people who have so much anxiety that they don’t like going out.
If this is him, talk to him about it.
See if you can go to places that are less crowded and slowly work your way from up there.
At the end of the day you need to ask yourself if this is what you want and if you are okay with it.
If you really do love him and want to make it work, you will have to compromise.
Otherwise you can leave and both of you can find more compatible partners.
What to do if your boyfriend never takes you out? 5 methods to try
1. Suggest outdoor activities
Perhaps he really is an introvert who needs more guidance.
Please understand that a lot of people are just built this way. They need nudging to step outdoors.
So, suggest activities you can do together like:
- I love you and want to spend more time with you – would you like to go to this restaurant for dinner?
- I would love to watch a movie with you together but I want the whole experience of buying popcorn and cuddling in a dark theatre.
- I feel like going somewhere out with you. Do you want to take a walk in the park?
- I heard this arcade is really cool, can we go?
Suggesting dates and helping him choose a date will help you understand if he is just introverted and needs help getting ideas.
If he says yes to these, know that all you need to do from now on is to give him suggestions.
2. Talk to him
If after making lots of suggestions and nudging him to go out, he still doesn’t take the bait then it’s time for a sit-down.
I’ve discussed many reasons above as to why he is not taking you out.
But honestly, you can’t know for sure unless you talk to him.
Sit down with him and express your desires.
Frame it in a positive way that isn’t blaming or making it look like it’s his fault. You can say things like:
- I really need to go out once in a while because I feel cooped up at home.
- Staying indoors is affecting my mental health, I need some fresh air.
- I want to go out more and I feel like we don’t really go out when we are together.
- I would like to talk about our dating experience. I really want to go out more. Can we please talk about it?
Be kind, understanding, and non-judgmental.
Just listen to his reasons for not going out and find out what exactly is stopping him from doing that.
3. Analyse his reasons for not wanting to go out
After talking to him, figure out if his reason is genuine.
For instance, if he is worried about money, suggest splitting it 50-50. You can also suggest dates that don’t involve much spending like trips to the museum or the park.
The point is to go out and reconnect and you can do that without spending a lot of money.
If he says he is stressed at work or is tired, then ask him to tell you when he is free and relaxed.
Most men prefer going out on the weekends. Try to dedicate 1 evening a week to going out.
If the reason isn’t genuine and you feel it’s because he is taking you for granted or he is simply using you, then I would suggest considering ending the relationship.
4. Ask yourself if you feel loved
If after weeks or months of initiating dates and seeing no improvement, then you will need to ask yourself a few questions:
- Do you feel loved?
- Does he appreciate you?
- Is he happier hanging out with his friends or working or playing video games than talking to you?
- Does he give you the same attention you give him?
- Does he make any attempt to spend time with you?
These questions will help you understand more about your relationship.
5. Ask yourself if this is a deal-breaker
Some women make peace with the fact that their partners never go out.
So, they start going out themselves because they are very outdoorsy.
They go to cafes, bookshops and take solo trips or hang out with their friends.
I have a friend whose husband loves to stay indoors and she goes out a lot.
She knows that their love is very strong but he just doesn’t feel comfortable going out so she goes out by herself a lot.
For her, it isn’t a deal-breaker.
But for many women, it is.
There is no right or wrong answer.
So you need to ask yourself if this is something you genuinely are okay with.
You may love your boyfriend very much, but if you both have very different interests, needs, and wants – you are not going to be happy together.
In my case, my current boyfriend loves going out but I prefer staying indoors mostly.
Whenever he feels like going out, we do go out for dinners or movies. Sometimes we just hang out with our friends.
And sometimes we stay indoors or we do something fun like play board games or watch a movie.
Every couple needs to find a balance.
And if that is not possible, then it is recommended that you consider ending the relationship so both of you can find more compatible partners.
Whenever a couple is having problems, I always suggest open and honest communication.
Listen without judgment when you ask him his reasons for not wanting to go out.
Try to see it from his perspective.
If after everything, you feel that the reasons just don’t work for you and this is not a lifestyle you can adjust with, then it may be time to call it quits and find someone who is more compatible.
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