Last Updated on January 13, 2023 by Angela Vaz
You thought you had him figured out.
And at times, it seems like he’s giving you mixed signals.
He is either casual, or he’s into you. But he’s only into you when he’s drunk.
You’ve tried asking, and you’ve tried gaining clarity. But he either brushes it off or behaves as if nothing has happened.
Please know that this is not just happening to you.
It happens to countless people around the world. A person behaves super friendly and affectionately when drunk and then becomes indifferent when sober.
In this post, I want to discover the reasons why a guy is behaving like this and what are the best steps for you moving forward.
Please read the whole post so you can get a clear idea of what is actually happening and how to deal with this in an emotionally mature way.
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Why does he only like me when he’s drunk? 7 Honest Reasons
As someone with first-hand experience with this, I can honestly tell you that this is very common and something most women experience.
At some point, she will be around a guy who gets drunk and tries to be nice to her.
So, why does this happen?
What’s going on in this guy’s head that he’s only being super caring and affectionate when he’s drunk?
1. He wants you, but he’s got no courage to do it sober
One of the main reasons why a guy is nice to you and likes you only when he’s drunk is because that’s what he does want to take a shot.
But he is too intimidated by you or fears rejection.
Let’s assume you make a move while he’s drunk because you feel you’re obligated to answer him.
Let’s say you say no or turn him down.
It could hurt his ego.
It’s easy for him to dismiss his behavior and blame it on being drunk. That way, you can put it behind you and never bring it up again.
2. He’s scared of losing your friendship
This only applies if you both are good friends. Maybe you’re in school or working together.
Either way, asking you out casually might put a damper on your friendship, and he’s scared of losing that friendship.
He genuinely feels that things will become awkward if he asks you out and you say no.
This is one reason he behaves this way with you when drunk.
3. He is emotionally hurting
More often than not, people are hurting.
And this is the most common reason a guy is nice to you and likes you only when drunk.
We aren’t taught in school how to handle our emotions. And most of the time, our parents and families don’t talk about this either.
A lot of us have to learn this by ourselves.
And most people choose to bury their emotions with food, drugs, or alcohol. They assume the pain will go away and it help them get better.
But alcohol is not a solution.
It gives temporary relief while making the problem so much worse.
This has nothing to do with you and more with him and his issues.
4. He is a social drinker and cannot control his inhibitions
Some people drink socially and just cannot handle their alcohol.
I’ve been around women and men like this, and they genuinely cannot control their alcohol intake or behavior when they’re tipsy or drunk.
Their behavior doesn’t always equal what’s in their minds or hearts. They also tend to black out after drinking and have no idea or recollection of previous events.
5. He’s facing severe internal conflict
There is a chance that they’re facing some issues at work or home.
They don’t know whom to turn to, and you’re the closest person.
So, his inhibitions are lowered when he gets drunk, and he genuinely wants someone to talk to and emotionally bond with.
It could be a sign that he’s just looking for anyone to bond with.
6. He wants to get physical
If a man hasn’t had action for quite some time or has been eyeing you for a while, they’ll make a move when drunk.
As I said earlier, it’s very easy to blame bad behavior or decisions on drinking. It’s easy to get off the hook and conveniently blame alcohol.
If you find that he’s being very touchy with you and is genuinely making moves, there is a chance he just wants to get physically intimate with you.
However, please know that this will not last, and it’s probably a one-night hookup that he is interested in.
7. His upbringing has taught him that being emotional isn’t manly
A lot of men grow up believing that being emotional isn’t manly.
They’re either mocked or criticized for showing emotions while sober. So, they keep it bottled up inside.
Doing this all their lives, they are only able to express themselves when they’re drunk. And that’s why he’s behaving; he likes you only when he’s drunk.
What do you do when a guy only likes you when drunk?
Here’s what you need to know:
1. You’re not his therapist
The man clearly has issues in all of the 7 cases I’ve highlighted above.
He needs to resolve these issues on his own.
It’s up to him to understand that he has issues. After which, he has to decide to work on those issues and emotionally heal before trying to date or build a relationship with someone.
2. It is not worth being with someone who cannot make their stance clear
If, on the off chance (this is very rare, mind you), he indeed likes you, please know that such a relationship will not succeed.
It will give you so much pain and confusion because you constantly need to decode what he’s telling you.
If someone genuinely likes you, it is his responsibility to make it clear to you.
If you have questions, it means he did not communicate that with you clearly.
3. Have a conversation with him
If the incident has happened recently and you feel that he is genuinely going through a lot, sit down and talk to him.
Show kindness if your friendship means a lot.
Just ask him what is going on and tell him you are confused.
If he is being honest with you, you can take it forward from there.
If he is indecisive, shrugs it off, or changes the topic, know that this kind of behavior means that he is going through some sort of emotional turmoil.
You cannot build a relationship with someone with inner battles and demons he needs to conquer first.
It is going to tear both you and him apart.
Simply let it go and move on with your life.
4. Lay boundaries
If this behavior is continuing and is making you feel very uncomfortable, state your boundaries.
If you let him, he will continue to prey on your niceness and like you when he’s drunk.
State your boundaries and stick to them. Tell him very nicely that you aren’t interested and it is impeding your friendship with him.
Explain that he can’t treat you like a light switch and behave erratically with you.
Cut him off if this person is not your friend and just an acquaintance.
There is no excuse for such behavior.
5. Don’t be afraid of being alone
I’ve often seen women tolerate such behavior because they feel they’ll never find better.
So, they wait for the guy to change, hoping he will live up to their expectations someday.
Take it at face value when a person shows you what they are like.
Life is short.
You’re much better being alone and waiting for a good man who can make his intentions with you clear rather than being with someone who can’t even admit that he likes you sober.
These relationships don’t last.
They’re exciting and lovely initially until the issues become bigger and the cracks become giant craters.
Trust me, as a person who’s been in a relationship with an insecure and emotionally unstable person for over 9 years; it’s just not worth it.
6. Love yourself
Know that you deserve better.
If you truly want to be in a loving and committed relationship, you will find that person someday.
But if you get together with this person, there is a chance you will never find Mr. Right.
So, don’t be afraid to let go of something that isn’t right for you and wait patiently for love.
Learn to love yourself so that you can be happy on your own.
7. Take a step back and identify your needs
Take a few moments for yourself and ask yourself what your needs are.
If it is a loving and committed relationship you are truly looking for, then is this person going to meet those needs?
Let go of your expectations or wants from this person and ask yourself whether this man can actually be there for you in the way you want him to be.
This requires a lot of self-introspection.
If the answer is no, it is time to close that door and not look back again.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you know if a guy likes you when he’s drunk?
Honestly, take everything he tells you at face value.
If a guy can only show you affection and love while drunk and behave indifferently to you, that’s exactly what it means.
He is indecisive or incapable of handling his emotions.
It is not worth building a relationship with such a person because you will forever try to decode their actions.
These people need emotional healing. They need to get real with their feelings and be able to talk about them.
In all honesty, if a man cannot talk about his feelings, how will he handle situations that are much harder than this?
Does being drunk make your true feelings come out?
More often than not, being drunk only reveals your true pain and emotions.
Many people get drunk because they cannot cope with the emotions within or want something to numb the pain.
Alcohol is just a temporary relief patch.
If a guy shows you extreme affection and love only when he’s drunk, it does not necessarily mean he loves you.
It could mean that:
- He is lonely and just wants attention (from anyone)
- He is going through something major at work or at home and is incapable of talking about it
- He wants someone to get close to
- He has been told that showing emotions isn’t manly and being drunk is the only way he can do that
- He just can’t handle his alcohol
However, once the person is sober, try having a real conversation with him. Be very gentle and just listen.
If at all he does express his feelings for you, you can decide what to do from there.
How do you know if a guy is playing you?
If you’re constantly getting mixed signals and your gut is telling you that the man is playing you, there is a very good chance that he is indeed playing you.
Please know that these people don’t have some vendetta against you, they’ve just not healed emotionally.
If you’re constantly questioning their efforts because their words don’t match their actions or they’re just giving you multiple mixed signals, then this person is not worth your time.
Here are some more posts you might find helpful:
- What I did to get over my cheating ex
- 45 early dating signs he genuinely likes you
- Why does he never take you out? 7 reasons that will explain everything
- My biggest mistake – never depend on a man for money
- 17 undeniable signs your boyfriend is using you financially
- How to recover from the aftermath of a toxic relationship
- I’m missing my ex so badly, it hurts. What do I do?
- How to get over the fear of being cheated on
- My partner was cheating – how I stopped overthinking
- How to stop overthinking in a relationship
- How to recover from a painful breakup
- Will a narcissist ever miss you?
- 17 signs he doesn’t respect or value you
- How to patiently wait for love as a single woman?
- What do I do when I can’t handle this emotional pain?
- How to love yourself as a single person
- The single girl’s bucket list: 35 exciting things you should do
- 7 breakup books that helped me get over my heartbreak
- 13 signs you’re healing from a painful breakup
- Is it time to end the relationship? 17 signs enough is enough
- Struggling with singleness? Read this
- Discovered your partner cheating? Learn to stop overthinking