Last Updated on January 13, 2023 by Angela Vaz
There is a nagging feeling inside of you.
And even though you love him, you can’t help the way you feel.
You’re constantly asking yourself, “Is my boyfriend using me financially?”
And it feels wrong.
You don’t want to feel this way.
You’ve always believed that if you love someone you should take care of him.
But you can’t shake it off.
And you feel like you’re giving him a lot more than he’s giving you.
There is a very strong imbalance.
And you’re not sure if this is how it’s supposed to be.
I know how you feel.
Because I was in your shoes.
And in this post, I’m going to talk about very clear, unmistakable signs your boyfriend is using you financially.
I’ll also guide you on the next steps you can take.
Let’s dive in.
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17 Unmistakable signs your boyfriend is using you financially
Let me me perfectly clear.
Everyone has different needs and wants.
Some people want a partner that is financially stable and will spoil them – a sugar daddy/mommy, if you will.
This is completely acceptable and there is nothing wrong in it.
But they should come clean and state that on the first date.
In no way should a person hide their wants/needs and lie to you telling you that they want a relationship for love and later coerce you into paying all their bills and using you for your finances.
This is deceitful and downright cruel.
If you feel that your boyfriend is using you financially but you want to be sure, then here are all the signs.
1. He gaslights you to make you pay
Whenever he wants you to cover a bill, he’ll tell you that he’s good for it.
And if you ask him to split the bill or cover it himself, he’ll gaslight you and make you feel like you’re being unreasonable and money-minded.
He’ll make you believe that you’re at fault for even suggesting such a ludicrous thing.
When a man is using you financially, he will always have his defenses up.
He will either dismiss your claims or he’ll get upset.
There will be no rational conversations or logical reasoning with him.
My ex was like this.
He would always make me pay the bills and or put it on his credit card which I’d have to clear.
There was no reasoning with him.
2. He will tell you “I’ll pay you back”
As time goes by, if you keep paying the bills and you realize that it is not an equal partnership, he’ll start coming up with this excuse.
He’ll constantly reassure you that he’s good for the money and that he’ll pay you back one day.
It will sound very comforting but he will keep disappointing you time and time again.
3. This was not his behavior in the beginning
If your boyfriend is using you financially now, try to go back and think about the time when you were first dating.
- Was he the same or did he always cover the bills?
- Did he spoil you with gifts or trips to expensive restaurants?
- Did he constantly take out his wallet and pay for dates in the beginning?
- Was he extremely kind and thoughtful, to the point where you thought it was like a fairytale?
- Was he overly sweet and generous even to staff and service workers?
This is often a tactic some men use to assure the woman they are dating that they are not interested in them for their money.
When they are trying to woo a girl, their primary motive is to make the person believe that they want to be with them for love and not money.
I discuss this in my post on how you should never depend on a man for money especially when he’s planning to use it against you.
It’s a tactic that my ex used with me too.
He always would insist on going dutch and never made it seem like it was about the money.
But as time flew by, he never paid for anything.
It’s very hard to see this when you first date, but there are people in this world who aren’t clear about their interests.
It’s perfectly okay for people to want a partner who is financially stable and will spoil them – but they need to come clean about it.
They shouldn’t lie to get what they want.
That brings me to my next point…
5. He is very dishonest
You’ve noticed that they have no trouble lying to anyone.
Lies come at the drop of a hat.
They can convince someone that they are sick, or they are incredibly busy and they are often doing the exact opposite.
They will go to great lengths to cook up a lie and make it believable.
I had a friend who was like this.
He’d often come up with stories that he was unwell or his family was in hospital – and he’d do it just so he could borrow money from all his friends.
People who lie about money can lie about virtually anything else.
Once a person gets used to telling lies and deceiving people, it’s very hard for them to be anything else.
If you notice that he lies to everyone but you, please understand that there is a very good chance that he is also lying to you.
Just because you’re his girlfriend doesn’t mean he won’t lie.
This is also the case with cheaters.
If a man cheated on his lady with you, there is a 99% chance that he will do the same with you.
6. He is very attentive to your needs when he wants money
If your boyfriend is usually not interested or displays complete indifference to your presence but is only nice to you when he wants something, then he is almost surely using you only for your money.
My ex-husband couldn’t give me the time of day unless I gave him cash.
If he wanted a new phone/laptop/bike, he’d be extra charming.
He’d constantly butter me up until I forked over the cash.
After he got what he wanted, he’d be nice for a day before going back to his regular self.
If you feel your boyfriend is only nice to you till you give him what he wants, understand that he is only using you.
He doesn’t care about you or your well-being and this isn’t a proper relationship.
7. He is always in trouble
You will often wonder why you can never catch a break.
If these are what your thoughts sound like:
- Why is everything bad only happening to us?
- Why do all the world’s problems seem to affect us?
- Why can’t we ever catch a break?
- How am I never able to take 1 step forward without taking 2 steps back?
Then chances are, it’s not you – it’s your boyfriend who’s constantly getting himself into problems.
If every single financial problem can be traced to your boyfriend, then it’s more than just a coincidence.
I’m going to be honest with you – nobody has it easy.
A lot of people struggle to become financially independent and money is often tight when 2 people are trying to build their lives together.
However, if you constantly feel like you are in a sinking boat and you’re taking in water faster than you can throw it out – this is not a coincidence.
Either both of you have very bad money habits, or he’s the problem.
Start tracking your expenses.
I use the Expense app on the iPhone – it’s free.
And I started writing down every single expense I made.
I couldn’t track all my boyfriend’s expenses – so I’d use an estimation based on how much money I’d spend on him.
At the end of the month, you’ll get the statistics like:
- How much you paid for food
- How much you spent on groceries
- How much you spent on entertainment
- What your rent/utilities cost
And you’ll be able to see where your money is going.
If your money is going on unnecessary expenditures that your boyfriend is spending, then you know who is to blame.
8. Everyone is “out to get him”
If your boyfriend is using you for financial reasons, there is a very good chance that he never takes responsibility for his actions.
He will always blame someone else or something else for his problems.
He will say things like:
- My boss is a b*tch, he is extremely envious of me and that’s why he makes my life hard
- My mom cut me off because she can’t stand how smart I am
- My friends are jealous, that’s why they never support me
He will often throw pity parties for himself, telling you that nobody cares for him and no one loves him.
These types of people are like leeches.
They will leech on to someone and
9. He will make you prove your love by giving him money
He will often fight with you or emotionally blackmail you into giving him money.
He will either accuse you of cheating or accuse you of being unavailable for his needs.
This is a tactic he will use to constantly emotionally blackmail you into giving him money.
When you get upset, you will naturally ask, “What can I do to show you I care?”
And he will respond and tell you to be supportive before telling you how much money he needs.
10. He wants to show people he’s well off
Does your boyfriend spend extravagantly on something that is completely unnecessary?
My ex used to spend money on designer shoes that were no better than ordinary ones only because he wanted people to know he could afford that brand.
I found it immature and irresponsible.
If you feel like your boyfriend constantly needs to show off the fact that he can afford things especially when he can’t, chances are he is only with you for your money.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is spending your money on a man that is never satisfied with what he has.
You believe that something will make him happy, so you cave in and buy him what he wants – only for him to be unhappy a few days later because he has now set his eyes on something new.
You constantly feel drained and as if you’re running towards a goal you can never reach.
This is how most people feel when they are spending endless money on their spouse who is never happy.
11. Nothing will make him happy except physical gifts/cash
I remember making a card for our Anniversary and my ex was disappointed.
I’d spent days on it, illustrating and it working on it from scratch.
He was extremely upset that he didn’t have an expensive gift.
When I gave him a gift, his whole mood changed.
That’s when I realized that I’d have to do this forever.
I’d have to spend every cent I earned on a man that was not happy with anything else.
Your boyfriend will not value your time.
He will only want your money.
It’s a very sad truth, and it will make you feel horrible, but the sooner you accept it, the faster you can move on.
12. He cannot take “no” for an answer
This is a very dangerous quality in a person.
Because not only does it mean that he is being unreasonable but it also means that almost every walk of your relationship will be difficult if you continue to live with this person.
Not being able to take a simple no may also mean that his parents never said no to him.
It’s not going to fare well with you.
Think about how you’ve tried to explain to him that money is tight but he either takes offense or convinces you that it’s no big deal.
He may hear you, but he doesn’t listen.
13. He doesn’t value you or your money
If a man is using you financially, it means he doesn’t value you as a person.
He doesn’t care about your personality or what you bring to the table.
All he wants is your cash, and all he is looking for is a woman to take care of him and clean up after him.
This also means that he will not care for your well-being and not bother about you even if you’re in trouble.
He will have zero respect for your money and he will spend it like water.
14. He needs to look his best always
My ex needed to look good even when he was going out to get groceries.
He was extremely particular about his looks and would fight with me if I didn’t tell him his hair was messed up at the back.
If you feel your boyfriend is very insecure and always makes you pay for his clothes and his accessories, know that he is using you for your money.
15. The first thing he notices about someone is how much money they have
If he constantly points out people to you commenting on their financial situation, know that these are his thoughts pretty much all the time.
People who love spending money, think of money all the time.
When they’re not thinking about money, they’re analyzing other people and how much money they have.
They’ll constantly talk about how this person doesn’t deserve his/her money or how they are making “easy money.”
16. He will have never-ending business ideas and ventures
My ex wanted to start a business every other day.
And when I’d help him with funds, he’d take an interest for a few days before losing interest and moving on to something else.
People who sponge off of others have zero value for money or time.
They get bored easily and lose interest in anything and everything.
They will keep shifting their focus to new and bigger things – sort of like shiny object syndrome.
They won’t care who their behavior is affecting adversely or what is becoming of you as long as their needs are addressed.
17. He has no interest in your wellbeing
He will never seem to care when you are sick or not feeling well.
He will go about his day and even delay getting you medicines because there are more important things to do.
He will dismiss your sickness as you being too sensitive.
I remember when I had a migraine and I really needed a tablet from the other room, I asked him to get it for me, but my ex continued to watch his show and told me he’d do it after the episode was over.
There were many incidents that hurt me to my very core and I will never forget how much I suffered in that relationship.
I could have left anytime I wanted, but I was a coward.
I take full responsibility for staying in that abusive relationship.
It was toxic and so was I.
The only reason I am writing this post is that I was in your shoes.
I felt it was better to say yes to his wants than have another fight or argument.
The best thing to do is leave.
Because one day when he finds someone with more money than you that shows even a slight interest in him, he will leave you for her.
In my case, my ex was having an affair with a woman who was ready to spend all of her husband’s money on him.
It was a complicated affair, and I knew the best solution was to leave.
This brings me to the next stage of this blog post…
What to do if your boyfriend is using you for money?
1. Try talking to him
If he was raised with bad spending habits because his parents didn’t bring him up in a good environment, chances are he knows nothing else.
You can try having a reasonable conversation with him and ask him to be more serious about money.
2. Analyse the situation
I always believe in giving people a second chance.
If you really love him and feel like you can make this relationship work, give him a chance to redeem himself.
Give him a chance to get a job and become more serious about cutting his expenses.
Make sure that he puts in the work to try and make money.
And if he isn’t able to earn money, tell him that you will not be spending money on his extravagant wants.
Needs are very different from wants.
Tell him you need money for bills and utilities.
3. Set a deadline
I don’t recommend anyone wait forever for a person to change.
If he is showing no interest in improving and time is flying without him making any change, then there is no use giving him a second chance.
Here are a few things you need to understand:
- It’s perfectly okay to love someone and know that they are not good for you. You can break up with someone and still miss them because we are humans with feelings. Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you need to throw your life away.
- Everyone deserves to be appreciated and loved: If you want a partner that loves you and spoils you, that is not wrong. You cannot be expected to take care of someone who has no interest to do the same for you.
- You will find true love if you leave this relationship: If you continue to cling to a person who isn’t right for you, you will never find the person who is actually compatible with you. It’s okay to let go. ‘You will find true love: If you continue to cling on to a person who isn’t right for you, you will never find the person who is actually compatible with you. It’s okay to let go.
- Love yourself: At some point in your life, you need to ask yourself if you love him more than you love yourself. Every person needs to love themselves in order to have a healthy relationship with anyone else. Start learning to love yourself so you can put your needs and wants first.
Here are a few more posts you will find helpful:
- 11 relationship killers you need to watch out for
- What to do when he says he’s not ready for a relationship?
- 23 signs he’s still talking to his ex
- 17 signs he doesn’t think you are good enough
- Is it time to end the relationship? 17 signs enough is enough
- How I got over my cheating ex and found happiness
- My biggest mistake – never depend on a man for money
- 7 toxic forms of communication that is ruining your relationship
- What I did to recover from a toxic relationship