Last Updated on April 8, 2023 by Angela Vaz
It doesn’t matter if you’re single, dating, or you’re married.
At some point in everyone’s life, we will end up meeting someone that just doesn’t think we’re good enough.
Sometimes, everything may be perfect in the beginning but with time, our partners may show us these signs.
But instead of being a good communicator and letting us down gently, these people will behave passive-aggressively.
And we’ll have to be wise enough to step away.
If at all you are in a relationship where you feel like you’re just not getting anywhere or your partner doesn’t value you, then it may be time to move on.
This can even happen in long-term relationships or marriages.
There is no point in being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value or respect you.
Because both of you at this point may not be happy.
But how do we know for sure that this man doesn’t feel we are good enough?
Here are a few signs he thinks you’re not good enough.
I will also talk about what you can do if you are in this situation.
But before that really quick, get my free guide on how to really reset your life.
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21 signs he thinks you’re not good enough
Towards the end of my marriage, my ex-partner displayed most of these signs.
He was also cheating on me with a married woman and several others.
When a man thinks you’re not good enough, they may or may not cheat. But you can be sure that they are definitely unhappy and secretly (or not so secretly) want out of the relationship.
That is why it is important to detect these signs as early as possible so that you can decide to do what’s best for you.
Let’s dive in.
1. He doesn’t care about what you think
If you feel like every opinion you have is an absolute waste because he either talks over you or dismisses you, there is a high probability he just doesn’t care about your opinions.
- Do you feel like you have to constantly explain yourself every time you try to contribute to a conversation?
- Are your arguments always met with cynicism and contempt?
If this is you, then there is a high chance that your partner just doesn’t value your opinions.
2. He has no interest in resolving conflicts/arguments
When a person values you and values their relationship with you, they will try to compromise or resolve conflicts.
This is a sign of a good relationship and it means that your partner is willing to work with you because they genuinely want to be with you.
But when your partner sees you as a liability or a person that they are willing to walk all over, they will rarely even bother trying to make amends or trying to talk things over.
Because they’ve reached a point where it doesn’t matter if you stay or leave.
This brings me to my next point…
3. He rarely misses you
If you find that your partner doesn’t make any attempt to contact you when you’ve left your home for a trip or doesn’t bother to find out if you’re safe and have boarded your bus/plane, you can be quite sure that he genuinely doesn’t care about you.
When you’re in a loving and healthy relationship, your partner will keep tabs on you to make sure that you’re okay and you’re moving around safely.
They will also send you messages or call you just to hear your voice.
Basically, they will show you no affection whatsoever.
4. He constantly insults or mocks you
If you have a partner that’s constantly putting you down or insulting your thoughts, actions, and beliefs, it means he honestly doesn’t think you’re good enough for him.
It could be as simple as you wanting to go for dance lessons and he will find a way to make you feel horrible for it.
He may criticize your body by saying you’re ugly or you’re unattractive and should lose weight.
He will often show disgust when you express your beliefs or he will be condescending towards you.
These are all signs that he thinks you’re not good enough.
5. He puts you down in front of other people
At some point, the mocking will go from private to public.
At this stage, you will know for sure that your partner doesn’t respect you.
You can try talking to them and asking them to keep private matters private so that both of you can discuss your issues personally without an audience, but if he continues to disrespect you in front of others, it may be time to leave him.
6. He praises other women while being downright mean to you
If you find that he constantly compares you to other women or compares certain qualities of yours to others, then know that he is certainly not happy.
Men are pretty transparent when it comes to their feelings.
If they are thinking it, they will often display it in terms of actions.
If you find that your partner:
- Constantly talks about the past
- Reminisces about his ex in unhealthy ways
- Compares your qualities to other women (saying that they are better and you should be more like that)
It is a huge sign that he doesn’t think you’re good enough for him.
7. He makes no attempt to spend time with you
If you find that your partner is always on the phone or watching TV and is constantly uninterested or bored while you are talking, he is most definitely not interested in the relationship.
Please understand that a relationship requires 2 people to make it work.
If you find that it is always you that is thinking of ways to spend time together because your partner always is too busy or just isn’t interested, then it’s a major sign that he has lost interest in the relationship.
8. He corrects you incessantly
Do you feel like nothing you do is ever right?
Or are you tired of being corrected?
If you have a partner that is constantly correcting you and judging you for every mistake you make, there is a chance that he isn’t happy with you.
9. He never appreciates you
If the person you’re with rarely has anything good to say about your achievements or constantly pretends that it is nothing, then you’re not in a healthy relationship.
A good relationship is one where both partners always support each other and motivate each other to rise and do better.
10. You feel like you are running a rat race
You feel like nothing you do is ever enough.
You’re constantly trying to make him happy either through your words or your actions.
But it is never enough.
He finds fault with anything you do or it just doesn’t make him happy.
And you’re mentally and emotionally drained.
Please pay attention to these feelings. Because if you’re constantly feeling this way, then this relationship is definitely not a healthy one.
11. He is rarely happy around you
You find it strange that he is always happy around other people like his friends and family but he never shows those emotions with you.
He doesn’t smile or talk that way around you and he is always happy to have someone join in when you both are alone.
You can’t remember the last time he was genuinely happy with you or around you.
12. He doesn’t talk about you with anyone
You feel invisible when he’s around and even when he’s with other people.
You constantly have to fight for his attention and even when he is introducing you to others, you feel like it’s half-hearted.
Does he behave like he’s genuinely proud to have you in his life or does he sound tired and exhausted when you’re with him?
Note how he behaves with you around other people – this is how you can tell if a man loves you or is just with you because he’s grown comfortable to having you around.
13. You feel like you’re always giving than receiving
You don’t feel your relationship is balanced.
You feel like it’s always you that’s giving in and trying to make the relationship work and at times you feel like you’re with a child.
Your emotional maturity has grown but you feel like his has only gotten smaller.
Sometimes you can’t understand why the communication between you is so strained and you often wonder why your life is so hard.
If you feel like you are the one that’s always giving and you’re always pulling the shorter straw, then maybe it’s a sign that he just doesn’t feel you’re good enough.
14. You can’t remember the last time he said he loves you
During the last year of my marriage to my ex, he never even once told me that he loved me.
At one point I remember telling him that I loved him, only for him to say, “Thank you.”
Although these signs are painfully obvious now, at that time, I couldn’t for the life of me understand why his behavior was so erratic.
Pay attention to whether he tells you he loves you or if it is coming from the heart.
If he never acknowledges his love for you or conveniently changes the topic, you’ll have your answer.
15. He is looking for a chance to leave
He constantly brings up ending things or is unfazed when you make an attempt to leave.
Men who are unhappy in their relationships will often be extremely indifferent to their partners.
They will display zero feelings of hurt or empathy when you’re hurting. And instead of trying to remedy the situation, they’ll often walk away.
16. He tells you how you should behave
Do you feel like nothing you do is right?
Does he constantly criticize you?
When a guy doesn’t think you’re good enough, they will constantly try to change you and better you.
He will have a negative remark for almost everything you do:
- Your dreams and aspirations
- The way you dress or present yourself
- How you cook or clean
Note how much he corrects you in a day.
17. He hurts you every day
You feel like every single day is a struggle with this man.
You can’t seem to understand why the argument or fight begins and what’s prompted all this animosity.
You’re hurt every single day and he doesn’t feel the need to apologize or make you feel better when he can clearly see you’re hurting.
18. You can’t remember why you fell in love with him
If almost every moment is emotional or mental torture, please understand that this is not normal.
It doesn’t matter how old the relationship is, relationships should not be painful.
If you are constantly unhappy and miserable because your partner never gives you attention or is always comparing you to others, then know that this relationship has become extremely toxic.
19. He loves hanging out with friends without you
Does he include you in his plans when he goes out or chills with friends?
Do you feel abandoned even when you’re with him?
I remember my ex-partner telling me that he wanted to go out for a bit and then he went on a road trip with his friends without telling me. He told them I was sick and couldn’t come when I was perfectly fine.
I never found out till I saw photos uploaded on social media.
Although my situation was rather extreme, there may be subtle signs that your partner just doesn’t want you around when he’s having fun.
This could be a deep sign that he doesn’t value you and doesn’t think you are good enough.
20. You are invisible
- Do you feel like every time you want to vent or even talk about your feelings, he pretends like it’s nothing?
- Or maybe you’re trying to tell him how hurt you are, but he admonishes and gaslights you instead?
- Do you feel like if you didn’t exist he wouldn’t even be sad or upset?
Not only are these major signs of disrespect, but it also means that he is emotionally abusing you.
21. You are reading this article
It’s funny how intuitive we are as human beings.
If there is a small part of you that is actually questioning this and you are looking for answers, chances are deep down you already know that he thinks you’re not good enough.
Pay attention to your feelings and your thoughts.
They may be revealing more than you know about your relationship.
What do you do if you have noticed these signs and you are convinced that he doesn’t think you are good enough?
1. Talk to him
I never suggest people give up on a relationship unless they are absolutely sure that the relationship is not going anywhere.
Try your best to communicate your feelings to him. At this stage, you don’t want to talk about his mistakes or flaws.
This is the time to be extremely open and receptive to his feelings.
Just listen to what he has to say.
If at all there is any love or respect from his side, you can consider remedying and working on the relationship together.
2. Attend couple’s counseling
A relationship cannot be rebuilt in one day.
If there is hope and both of you are committed to rebuilding the relationship, then you should get an unbiased person like a counselor to guide you towards that stage.
At this stage, it’s all about talking and reconnecting to figure out what has happened and why you both fell apart.
3. Walk away
If after multiple conversations and attempts to fix the relationship, you feel he is genuinely not interested in making it work, chances are he has already moved on.
Please don’t try to win him back.
It’s not worth it.
You need to love yourself and respect yourself. You shouldn’t ever try to get someone to love you and realize your worth – the relationship will never last.
It is important to walk away so that you can be with someone who respects and loves you for who you are.
If you have a craving to be in a long-term, loving, and committed relationship, then you need to take those steps in order to find Mr. Right.
Please note that you should not wait to be saved.
The only person that can save you, is yourself.
Walk away from the person who is treating you like trash and give yourself the love that you deserve.
When the time is right, you will find someone better than your ex.
I’m really sorry if at all you’ve noticed 1 or many of the signs hold true in your relationship.
Please know that if most of the points apply to you, then you are being verbally and emotionally abused.
At this point, I would suggest leaving and finding someplace safe away from this person for your own sanity.
I would suggest getting therapy or counseling if you’re really at a crossroads and don’t know how to proceed.
Please know that therapy isn’t brainwashing. They will simply help you understand your own situation without bias so that you can make an informed decision about your life. They’ll give you coping mechanisms and tools to help you take the right steps.
I want you to know that I’ve been with someone who’s displayed most of these signs and I was able to walk away from that relationship.
It wasn’t easy and I had to be very strong.
It definitely hurt for a long time, but I was able to build my self-love to the point where I was happy being single.
I found genuine love in late 2021 and I’ve been in a healthy and loving relationship since then.
The point of this blog post is to make you realize your worth.
You don’t need to change for someone else and you don’t need to go out of the way to prove your worth.
If the person you’re dating or married to cannot see your worth or value, then it is their loss.
It may be time to move on from that relationship and find someone that values you for who you really are.
I will suggest taking a long break so you can heal from this toxic relationship before you move on to dating again.
Here are more blog posts that will help you:
- 17 signs he doesn’t value you + what to do
- 17 signs enough is enough in a relationship
- 13 clear signs he only wants you for your body
- 7 honest reasons why he only likes you when he’s drunk
- How to respond when he says, “I’m not ready for a relationship”
- The Ultimate Guide to loving yourself as a single woman
- 7 types of toxic communication that are hurting your relationship
- 13 signs you’re healing from a painful breakup
- What I did to recover from a toxic relationship
- Will a narcissist ever miss you? Here’s what you need to know
- 11 relationship killers to watch out for
- Will you ever find someone as good as your ex? Yes, here’s why
- My ex left me for someone else, here’s what I did
- How to stop hurting badly when you miss your ex
- My honest advice for women who are struggling with singleness