Last Updated on August 30, 2023 by Angela Vaz
I’ve had my fair share of single days.
And it wasn’t easy.
My primary fear was that I’d date someone more interested in my body than my mind or personality.
Please understand that there is nothing wrong with wanting a purely sexual relationship or someone wanting you for physical intimacy.
It’s okay if that’s what someone wants.
However, we should make their intentions clear.
It’s all about being honest about our wants and needs. That’s the mature way to date.
For people who are looking for a stable relationship or who are looking for a long-term commitment, physical intimacy is not their priority.
They are looking for a partner to share their life with.
This is one of the reasons I always tell people to be very honest when they’re dating.
Keep all your cards on the table, so your partner knows precisely what you’re looking for.
This will help save so much time and effort for you and the person you are dating.
And you can find a partner with the same needs as you.
Unfortunately, many men (and women) are only interested in sex but pretend to want a relationship.
Or they don’t know what they want and just date for the heck of it.
This can lead to so much confusion.
It also leaves a bad taste in the mouth because all the dishonesty eventually leads to trust issues.
People looking for commitment keep running into partners that just want them for their bodies, withdraw and stop dating or stop trusting people in general.
So, I decided to write this post to help people who are looking for a long-term commitment by identifying people who are only interested in sex.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s the first few dates or it’s been going on for a while, I’ll cover signs that will benefit people at any stage of dating.
But before that really quick, get my free guide on how to really reset your life.
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17 signs he only wants you for your body
Let me be very clear again, there is nothing wrong in a person wanting to be physical on the first date.
It’s only a problem when they clearly know that this is not what you want and still force you to go along for the ride because they really want to sleep with you.
Please understand that it is impossible to build a relationship with someone that doesn’t have the same needs and priorities that you do.
Unless your goals and values are alligned, it is very hard to build a successful relationship with the person you are dating.
1. He compliments specific body parts via chat or on your first date
Please don’t mistake genuine compliments like:
- “I love your eyes.”
- “Your hair is very unique.”
- “You’ve got a great smile.”
These types of compliments are usually sincere.
I’m talking about compliments like:
- “Those are some great legs you have there.”
- “You’ve got an amazing body.”
- “Has anybody told you that you’ve got a sexy body?”
If he gives you these types of compliments on the first date, or via chat just by looking at your photos, please take it as a sure sign that he is interested in you for your body alone.
Also, if he can’t stop complimenting you and is just being over the top, please know that he definitely wants you for something more than your company.
2. He is insistent on meeting for a drink
During my single days, I remember talking to a guy who seemed genuinely kind and nice.
But he was very insistent on meeting for a beer.
I specifically told him that I don’t drink on the first date and I was very comfortable just meeting for coffee or lunch but he wouldn’t have it.
He kept pressing for drinks until it turned me off completely and I canceled the lunch date.
Be observant and note if he’s pressing you for drinks.
People usually get inebriated and let their guard down when they’re drunk. It’s easier to get physical with someone or hit on someone when they’re drunk – this is a fact.
So, please be careful.
I generally advise women to always meet at a crowded place for the first 2-3 dates just to ensure safety.
3. He only cares about looks
Whenever you meet a person for the first time, listen to what they’re talking about.
I remember meeting a man who wouldn’t let me talk.
He was entirely self-absorbed.
He continued to talk about himself and women’s looks in general. It was very obvious he cared only about himself and would stop to take in women visually.
It was turning off, to say the least.
The remarks he made about women were petty, egotistical, and very superficial. Needless to say, I never spoke to him again.
4. He wants you to see his place on the very first date
If after the very first date, he is hooked on you coming back to his place and is pretty insistent on “getting comfortable,” take it as a sign that he wants more than a conversation with you.
Please know that not every first date needs to result in sex especially if that is not your jam.
Politely decline and end the date if you are not comfortable.
5. He never wants to go out
If he is constantly trying to keep you at home or never wants to ever go out for lunch or dinner then take it as a sign that he just wants sex.
These particular types of people will be very creative with their excuses. They’ll say things like,
- “I don’t want to be in a crowded place. Let’s just stay indoors.”
- “Let’s spend quality time together indoors.”
- “I have no interest in being around other people.”
- “I just want to be with you and only you.”
These types of comments are very normal for when you’ve spent enough time together and are seeing each other regularly – but not on the first few dates.
It’s a sure sign that he has only 1 thing on his mind.
6. He can’t stop getting physical with you
If the guy you’re going out on a date with is constantly holding your hand and touching you to the point where you’re finding it uncomfortable, please know that he is only interested in your body.
This is also a sign that he doesn’t care about your boundaries and is more interested in satisfying his sexual needs.
Such people are more interested in themselves so politely excuse yourself and end the date if you are feeling uncomfortable.
I remember going out with a guy and he wouldn’t stop holding my hand on the first date. I found it very uncomfortable and told him that this was not my scene.
He then forcefully kissed me on the mouth while I was eating my cheesecake because he “mistook” my eating for an invitation and I had to end the date awkwardly.
Please draw boundaries and don’t even bother entertaining men who can’t respect them.
7. He doesn’t know where the relationship is headed
Every time you try to talk about the future or ask him about his needs, he says he doesn’t know.
Please beware of people who don’t know where they’re going in life or don’t know what they want from their relationship with you.
It will only lead to disappointment.
You cannot expect your partner to go from not knowing what they want to suddenly wanting you to be their lifetime partner – that’s just not how it works.
Rom-coms have ruined love and dating for a lot of people because they give people unrealistic expectations.
8. He never talks about you to anyone
Many people enjoy having a relationship that’s a secret because they like keeping their lives personal.
This is alright in the beginning but after a while of dating if you still feel you’re his dirty little secret, then please understand that on some level he doesn’t consider this to be a serious relationship at all.
If all you both ever do is sleep together, and there is no mention of you to his friends and family – know that this is going to end badly for you.
My second boyfriend lived with me for a whole year.
Nobody (not a single friend or family member from his side) knew he was dating.
He lied to everyone he met saying that he was staying over at his friend’s place and after that point, I realized that he was just in this relationship because he was comfortable.
So, try to bring up the future and ask your partner what he is looking for.
If the answers are vague, then please save yourself from heartbreak and walk away.
Especially if what you’re looking for is a long-term commitment.
9. He is hardly ever interested in communication
If you’re dating someone who is only in a good mood when you both get physical and is never interested in talking or doing anything else – this is a pretty clear sign that he only wants you for your body.
Everyone runs into a low sometimes and that’s completely understandable.
But if the person you’re seeing is almost never in the mood to talk or always tries to coax you into getting physical, there is a good chance that he is just interested in you for your body and has no interest in building any sort of serious relationship with you.
10. He hates the word “no”
Getting physical is definitely fun.
But if you’re with a man that absolutely cannot stand it when you’re not in the mood, please consider terminating the relationship completely.
This is not just a sign that he only wants you for sex, but it’s also a sign that he doesn’t value you or respect your needs.
You should never (ever) feel pressured to have sex.
If you’re doing it just to make him happy even if you’re not feeling like it, then this relationship is no longer equal and borders on abusive.
Please put your happiness and safety first.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve just begun dating or have been in a relationship with this person for a while (or are even married).
Do not stay with a person who berates you for not being in the mood or not giving him what he wants physically.
This goes for anything physical.
- If he gets mad at you because you refuse to do something new (like BDSM or anal), leave.
- If he keeps comparing you to previous partners and guilts you into having sex with him, leave.
- If he is always berating you for not having sex and harassing you, leave.
This type of behavior is inexcusable.
In no world or universe can any sane person stay in a relationship with people like these.
Please put your safety first and leave.
11. He doesn’t ask you any questions
If you notice that the person you are seeing never is interested in anything you have to say and is always on and about their own things, please know that this person isn’t interested in building a serious relationship with you.
A lot of people are perfectly comfortable with a physical relationship – they don’t want it to get serious because they can’t handle anything beyond a physical relationship.
Such people are better suited to people who have the same needs.
But if you find that you’re always the one who is trying to initiate conversations, then you’re better off with someone else who has a keener interest in what you have to say.
12. He only calls you when it suits him best
Please know that a real relationship involves a lot of give and take.
If the person you are seeing only remembers you when he needs something and is almost never available when you need him emotionally, please note that this is a major sign that he only wants you for your body.
These types of people are almost always emotionally unavailable and have no requirement for anyone except when they need to get physical.
You definitely deserve someone who can give you a little more than this.
13. He will openly flirt with or ogle other women
There are many people who are polyamorous and can’t be limited to a monogamous relationship.
This is completely fine. To each their own.
But some of these people practically never admit it. They will state that they’re looking for the one while at the same time never making any efforts towards that goal.
They will ogle other women and comment on their physical features or even note how they dress.
They will be very explicit in their comments and their speech will be very derogatory.
Be observant and note how this person talks.
If you notice that they can’t stop looking at other women or constantly flirt with other women, please consider ending the relationship and finding someone else who respects you more.
14. He will have no use for you after he’s gotten what he needs
If you find that he is in a hurry to get back to his day right after you both have been physical, and it is becoming a routine, please know that this is a good sign that he only wants you for your body.
Note how attentive and caring he is. If this is only a phase that lasts as long as you both are physical and he returns to being extremely busy and unavailable afterward, take it as a sign that he wants nothing more than your body.
15. You feel you’re stuck in the first stage
If you feel that relationship is stuck and you’re just not getting anywhere or nothing seems to be progressing beyond the physical stage, then there is a good chance that you’re just not with the right person.
It is now pretty obvious that he is just interested in being physical and nothing more because there is no talk of moving forward.
You can try to bring up the conversation to see if there is any chance but if you feel like the relationship is just not moving forward, then it may be time to end it.
16. His words rarely match his actions
You are constantly disappointed with the person you are seeing because you feel like he’s always making promises he can’t keep.
Maybe he promises to always be there for you but you find yourself always alone and doing things independently.
Or he always says that he will be there to listen to you but is always busy and can never make time for you.
Or he constantly says that he loves you to the ends of the earth but seems to make every conversation about himself.
This is a very clear sign that he only wants you when you are convenient for him.
17. He has no interest to meet you unless it’s to get intimate
This point is pretty self-explanatory.
But basically, it means, that he is almost never interested in meeting you or getting together unless there is a chance to get intimate.
At some point, you will realize that this person is only in it for his physical needs to be met and has absolutely no interest in what you have to say or contribute to the relationship.
If this is the case, then it is time to consider not moving forward with this partner and ending the relationship for good.
Dating is data collection.
It is very hard to get to know a person in a week or the first few months.
Love is not something that happens immediately. It takes time to build trust, and get to know someone.
If at all, there is even an inkling of doubt or you are just not comfortable with the person you are seeing – pay attention to it.
Find out why you are resisting liking this person or why you don’t feel comfortable.
Our gut is more accurate than you believe. On some level, you will have picked up the red flags subconsciously and this is worth paying attention to.
If at all you feel that the man you are seeing is more interested in your body, don’t hesitate to walk away.
It is important that you understand your needs and try to find someone that has the same needs and requirements in a relationship.
It definitely stings when you find someone that you genuinely like but their needs don’t match yours. Please don’t hesitate to walk away.
It may hurt for a bit, but you are only getting one step closer to finding the right person for you. And that stage is totally worth it.
Here are some more posts you will find helpful:
- 17 signs he doesn’t value you + what to do
- 21 signs he doesn’t think you are good enough
- 17 signs enough is enough in a relationship
- 7 honest reasons why he only likes you when he’s drunk
- How to respond when he says, “I’m not ready for a relationship”
- 7 types of toxic communication that are hurting your relationship
- 7 reasons why he never takes you out + how to fix it
- 7 reasons why your boyfriend never buys you anything
- 17 undeniable signs your boyfriend is using you financially
- 17 signs enough is enough and it’s time to end the relationship
- 13 signs you’re healing from a painful breakup
- What I did to recover from a toxic relationship
- Will a narcissist ever miss you? Here’s what you need to know
- 11 relationship killers to watch out for
- Will you ever find someone as good as your ex? Yes, here’s why
- My ex left me for someone else, here’s what I did
- How to stop hurting badly when you miss your ex
- My honest advice for women who are struggling with singleness