Last Updated on July 18, 2022 by Angela Vaz
You’ve had a bad experience in your relationship with a narcissist.
You can’t figure out how they think, and sometimes you want to believe they have positive feelings for you.
But they can sometimes be so cold that you are at a loss for words.
Whether you are still in a relationship with a narcissist or a situationship or are entirely out of the picture, this post will help you understand if a narcissist is ever capable of missing you.
My first ex (who I was with for more than 9 years) was a narcissist. He and his mother (who also was a toxic narcissist) controlled our relationship heavily, and it was only after I left did I find peace and love.
This entire post is based on my relationship with my narcissistic ex.
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Will a narcissist ever miss you?
No. Narcissists will never miss you because they do not develop healthy feelings for people. They only care about themselves. They have almost zero emotional attachment to other people and only care about themselves.
However, they will miss the way you make them feel. They will miss how you validate their thoughts and praise them. Their ego will be bruised because they won’t have anyone to fan it.
Their love or feelings are never stable.
If you recount your relationship with them, you will begin to spot the signs slowly:
- One day they’ll be in awe of you and praise you because you either complimented them or bought them something
- The next day, they’ll insult, belittle, or gaslight you.
- The signs of disrespect slowly increase as time goes by in the relationship
Narcissists cannot be in long, healthy relationships because they only love themselves.
So a narcissist will never regret losing you; they will simply move on to the next person that helps them feel better about themselves.
Does a narcissist regret losing you?
There may be fleeting moments when they will feel like they miss you.
But no, they are not missing you or regretting losing you. They only miss the convenience you gave them and how you genuinely made them feel.
They miss the validation, the praise, and the fact that you depended on them a lot.
There is a good chance that a narcissist will move on quickly and find someone else to fill the hole you occupied for so long because they are deeply insecure people who cannot find peace with themselves.
They are incapable of being alone and will jump from relationship to relationship because they get bored easily.
How do you make a narcissist regret losing you?
As long as you keep thinking about your narcissist ex, you will forever be chasing instability, toxicity, and unrest.
It can be very tempting to make them realize your worth and miss you after the relationship ends.
But please note that a narcissist doesn’t think like how you think and they certainly don’t feel how you feel.
They don’t care about people or emotional connections with people.
They only care about themselves.
So, you can never get a narcissist to miss you; you can only get them to miss how you made them feel.
However, let’s try and answer the question – is it possible to make them miss you or regret losing you and how do you do that healthily?
1. Change your perspective
You shouldn’t be thinking about how to get your narcissistic ex to miss you (this is the mistake most of us make); instead, you should focus on how to put it in the past so you can find happiness and peace again.
As I said earlier, narcissists don’t feel regret or miss the people they claimed to love. That is simply how they work.
You have to be your sole focus now – this is the only way to move from a toxic relationship.
The more you focus on your ex and his whereabouts, the longer you will take to heal from the pain and move on.
It doesn’t matter how long you were in a relationship; you should move on so you can find joy and happiness.
2. Cut off all contact
Narcissists thrive on attention.
They will seek to form some type of contact and may even call or text you for matters that seem silly.
I remember my ex calling me demanding I return his rice cooker. Otherwise, he’d find my address and burn it to the ground.
Your ex may or may not be abusive – it doesn’t matter. Cut off all contact.
Do not engage in conversations with them – it will not make you feel better.
Do not try to:
- Get closure – you will be disappointed.
- Try to explain what happened.
- Find out if they’re in a new relationship
- Try to make amends
If you have unfinished business with them or have kids and are discussing very serious issues (that require communication), keep the communication line open but don’t stray away from the topic.
If possible, get a divorce lawyer or an intermediate party to handle all of your communication.
3. Feel your feelings
After leaving a toxic relationship, you will feel an immense burden off your shoulders.
I remember crying tears of joy when I got out of that abusive relationship. I would hug my dogs and thank the stars for finally being free.
You will go through multiple emotions like feeling betrayed, angry, or saddened by the loss.
You may feel peace one moment and worry the next.
All of these feelings are normal.
It will feel very different for the first few days or weeks – know this is normal.
Getting used to a relationship with a narcissistic ex will have hardened you and made you get accustomed to that kind of verbal and emotional abuse.
Once they’re gone, you will feel free and light. You will start realizing that there is so much more to life now.
This new feeling might be scary at first, but it will go away soon, and you will start to see a new light in life.
These feelings can be overwhelming.
So, you must surround yourself with love:
- Talk to family and friends who emotionally support you and love you.
- Talk to a therapist if your feelings are too big to handle by yourself
- Start journaling and meditating (this will bring you so much peace)
- Read these beautiful breakup books to understand more about leaving relationships
It will also be natural to ruminate for a while because it can be a very difficult experience to get over. It’s alright.
Take your time.
There is no fixed time to heal or get over your relationship.
We all operate very differently as human beings, and it’s quite natural to take time to grieve.
4. Do not try to seek revenge
It will be tempting to seek some sort of revenge or try to make things right.
You may feel like telling many people or posting on social media.
Do not do this.
Do not go down a path of fury, rage, or hatred.
It will only delay your healing.
At this point, you should focus only on yourself.
There is no point in trying to get payback.
The first step toward healing is to focus on yourself and yourself alone. You owe yourself this much.
5. Find love in simple things
The best way to heal from a toxic narcissistic relationship is to find joy in simple things.
Ask yourself what truly makes you happy:
- It can be a cup of cappuccino or matcha latte in the morning
- A walk with your dogs
- Playing a game of scrabble with your kids
- Just doing your hair
And start doing more of those simple things.
It will be awkward initially, but with time, these small habits will make a huge difference in your life.
They will start shaping your life for the best
6. Live in the moment
You cannot find happiness if you constantly ruminate on the past or worry about the future.
Yes, you were in a toxic relationship, but it is now over.
It is time to move on.
Focus on being present and taking it one day at a time.
This has become my mantra and has helped me find so much joy and peace.
It can become overwhelming when we start trying to think of a hundred different things.
But these expectations will only ruin us.
The best way to stop overthinking is to bring our attention back to the present.
Think of this moment. Think of today.
If everything is becoming too much to handle, take it one step at a time.
7. Express gratitude
We, humans, have an innate nature to focus on the negative aspects of life – this is a survival technique.
But this can also bring us down and lead to depression.
It is important to realize that what has happened to you has happened to many people.
Do not blame yourself for being in a relationship with a narcissist or lament over the time you have lost in that relationship.
Instead, be grateful it’s over.
You are finally free to love yourself and do the things you’ve been wanting to do.
You are finally at peace and are happy.
If possible, ask yourself what you have learned in that relationship and take away the important life lessons.
People who come out from toxic relationships often feel immense gratitude for being alive and have a whole new perspective on life.
They know what it’s like to miss out on opportunities, and they start to fall in love with their lives after their toxic ex is no longer in the picture.
8. Pursue goals and hobbies
Maybe you’d cast these aside while in a relationship because the relationship focussed on your ex instead.
It is time to rediscover yourself and find joy and meaning in those hobbies and goals.
Take time to draft new personal goals and start working on them.
Nobody is stopping you from achieving your dreams now, and you have complete freedom to move forward in your life.
9. Embrace the new you
You may find this whole situation strange.
It may even seem more quiet than normal.
And this is okay.
Your voice was most likely drowned out in your relationship with your ex.
And you have now left that toxic relationship, so your inner voice will start to grow and become louder.
It may feel strange at first to be alone with your thoughts, but meditation and reading will help you strengthen this voice and become more confident.
You don’t need to feel scared of being alone or single.
Being single does not decrease your self-worth. Being single only means that you haven’t found the right person yet.
So, do not attach your self-worth to your relationship status.
You are enough. You are alright, and you’re going to be okay.
Getting out of a toxic relationship is never easy.
It requires a lot of courage and grit to walk away.
And it takes time to heal. It took me almost a year to heal and stop thinking and ruminating.
Healing is not a linear process; you will have moments when it gets better or worse, but there are clear signs that you are healing from your breakup.
Don’t worry, it’s normal.
You will heal and come out of this stronger and more confident. At any point, if you are feeling like it’s too much to handle – talk to a counselor or a therapist.
They will guide you and help you healthily deal with your emotions.
Here are more posts to help you:
- What I did to get over my cheating ex
- How to recover from the aftermath of a toxic relationship
- I’m missing my ex so badly, it hurts. What do I do?
- How to recover from a painful breakup
- What do I do when I can’t handle this emotional pain?
- How to love yourself as a single person
- The single girl’s bucket list: 35 exciting things you should do
- 7 breakup books that helped me get over my heartbreak
- 13 signs you’re healing from a painful breakup
- Is it time to end the relationship? 17 signs enough is enough
- Struggling with singleness? Read this
- Discovered your partner cheating? Learn to stop overthinking