Last Updated on January 13, 2023 by Angela Vaz
You’ve been through a pretty painful breakup or a divorce.
Or you’re recovering from getting out of a toxic relationship.
But you aren’t sure if you are moving forward or backward.
You want this to be behind you to move on with your life.
You just want peace.
And you’re wondering when your life will return to normal again.
You want to feel happy again and enjoy the simple things in life.
I know; I’ve been there.
In this post, I will cover all the signs you’re healing from a breakup – signs that you are actually making progress and moving forward in your life.
I will also give you tips on how to heal faster.
This post may be long because I will be talking about my personal experiences and trying to answer any questions you may have about moving on from a breakup.
This post contains affiliate links, meaning I may make a commission at no extra cost to you if you decide to click on a link and purchase something. Click here to read the full disclaimer.
A little backstory
You need to have some understanding of what I’ve been through so that you can see where I’m coming from.
I’ve been in 2 long relationships my whole life before my current one – the first one led to divorce because my ex cheated on me.
That relationship lasted 9 years.
The second relationship (started soon after the first) ended because he was ultra-religious and couldn’t make peace with being with a divorcee.
I had entered both relationships pretty hastily without taking time to understand who these people were.
I fell in love way too quickly and then hurt myself.
Those relationships had imminent ends.
Either way, I’ve been where you were.
It wasn’t easy.
There were days when I felt I was doing better, and the next day would bring on sudden sadness and memories that would cut me like knives.
It was an ongoing battle with multiple emotions and memories, and it’s something I had to course through till I found myself in a much better place.
I want you to know that it is possible.
You will heal.
You will get over your breakup and come out better and stronger.
And most importantly, you will be able to take away all the good lessons from those failed relationships.
Let’s move on.
How long does it take to feel normal after a breakup?
Reaching normalcy really depends on how intense your relationship was with another person.
It will definitely take longer if you were physically, mentally, and emotionally tied to this person.
It can take 3-6 months, whereas some take a year or more for some people.
There is no correct response because everybody deals with grief and sadness differently.
And this is okay.
It’s okay to take your time because life is not a competition.
You have to put yourself first and start loving yourself more – so take your time to heal.
However, there are definitely ways you can speed up the process of recovering from heartbreak.
And here are a few signs you’re healing already from the breakup.
13 clear signs you’re healing from a breakup
Here are a few signs that will indicate that you are healing and moving on.
You may not exhibit all or most of these signs, but even if a few hold true for you – it means that you are in fact healing.
Take it in a positive light.
1. You will begin to take an interest in old hobbies
When you suffer through heartbreak and lose your partner, you feel broken because somewhere along the way, your identities merged.
Perhaps you had similar interests, or maybe you did certain activities together.
When you are physically, emotionally, and mentally intertwined, it can take a long time to heal from that heartbreak.
After the breakup, you may feel intense pain because you have lost your identity.
You may feel like you don’t know who you are anymore.
Or you’re just nothing without your partner.
It can feel like the end of the world.
You may have lost interest in the things that used to bring you joy.
For instance, if you liked a specific hobby – even looking at it might bring you pain.
You may lose the urge to work or to have fun.
Please understand that this is normal.
But one of the significant signs you’re healing from a breakup is your interest slowly peaks again.
You may start looking for things to do to take your mind off the breakup or the person.
And those interests may bring you relief or peace.
You may take up drawing, writing, or dancing.
You will slowly start to do more of those things and it will bring you joy.
This is normal and it’s a sign that your heart is healing.
You are beginning to rediscover your passions and hobbies and your mind wants to move on.
So, give in to those hobbies.
I bought a keyboard and started playing multiple pieces to get my mind off the breakup – it really helped!
Take up fun activities like:
- Swimming, dancing, or running
- Drawing, writing stories or poems
- Knitting, sewing, or quilting
- Playing an instrument
The choice is honestly endless – start taking up activities to rediscover your passions and yourself.
Engage in different hobbies, and you’ll notice that you feel better.
2. You stop talking about it
When the breakup suddenly happens, you may have that urge to talk about it with everyone – your family, your friends, or your colleagues.
Their inputs may become valuable to you.
And they all will chime in saying, “They were never right for you.” and “You’re going to make it, it will get better.”
But as time moves on, you slowly stop talking about the breakup.
Because deep down you’ve realized that it doesn’t matter – the relationship has ended and there is nothing anyone can do to fix that.
This is a sign you are healing from your breakup, and you no longer need inputs validating the incident.
This is good.
It means that you are moving on.
But make sure that you check in with your feelings and thoughts by at least journaling about them.
It’s okay to put the past behind you, but it is essential to take away all the important lessons you’ve learned in that relationship.
This will help you grow as a person and not make the same mistake again.
3. You stop ruminating over the relationship
When the breakup just happens, we are usually filled with regrets.
You may have thoughts like:
- What if this didn’t happen?
- What if things were different?
- Maybe if I had just done this or that…
- Was I not good enough?
These thoughts are normal.
It’s tough to see the red flags in our ex when the breakup just happens.
This is because we are only looking at what we have lost.
We are still recovering from the shock and we cannot see past our emotions.
You will start to see how your ex wasn’t suitable for you with time.
You will stop having regrets or questions – you may even not desire closure.
And you will make peace with the fact that the relationship wasn’t right for you, and it just wasn’t meant to be.
This is a sign that you are healing.
4. You are comfortable being alone
When the breakup just happens, you’re either miserable alone or craving noise around you to distract yourself from the situation.
But after a while, once you’ve made peace with the relationship – you no longer fear sitting by yourself.
You enjoy your own company.
You are comfortable declining offers to hang out with people because you’re pretty happy by yourself, and you have other things you want to do.
Going to a cafe or a bookstore doesn’t seem weird anymore.
Please remember that being alone is not the same as feeling lonely.
It’s perfectly okay to be alone and not feel lonely.
This is one of the signs you’re healing from your breakup and are moving on with your life.
5. You can date without feeling weird
Dating may not be easy for you, you aren’t turned off by the idea of it either.
You’ve made peace with the fact that your ex wasn’t the right person for you and you are actually comfortable thinking about dating.
An excellent way to test the waters is to download a dating app and just talk to people.
You don’t need to think about relationships or marriage – you’re just talking to people.
Focus on building a connection with another human being.
Don’t date if you’re not ready.
Remember to take it easy.
If you go on a date with someone and you feel it’s too soon, it’s okay to be honest and tell them that you’ve just come out of a serious relationship and you’re not ready.
That’s what I did.
I took breaks every time dating got too much for me.
I’d take a step back and wait until I felt ready to date again.
Please understand that healing isn’t linear progress.
It’s full of ups and downs because we are human beings, and that’s how we operate.
We are complex creatures full of thoughts and emotions.
6. You can see everything for what it was
You are no longer living an illusion that they were everything, your end-all-be-all.
Your perspective has become clearer, and you can see all the kinks and flaws in the relationship.
Your past relationship isn’t a mystery to you anymore.
With time, you were able to see it for what it was.
You no longer idolize your ex or paint them as a villain.
You are able to see that they were just human, and mistakes were made on both sides.
Being able to see the truth and accept it peacefully is a big sign that you are not only healing but also evolving as a person.
You’ve taken the lessons that your past relationship taught you and you are able to put them to practice.
7. Your goals have become clearer
Maybe before you entered the relationship hastily, or you ignored the red flags.
But you feel confident now.
You’re beginning to understand what mistakes you’ve made, and you now know better than before what you are looking for in a relationship.
If you haven’t already thought about it, please carve out some time to actually think about what you want.
Now is the perfect opportunity to make a list of qualities you actually want your future partner to have.
Ask yourself what is it you are actually looking for.
Ask yourself what is it that was really lacking in your exes that is something you are willing to not compromise on in the next relationship.
Think about what kind of qualities should they possess or what kind of goals they should have.
This will help you filter out people who aren’t right for you and will save you so much time.
And it will help prepare you for a relationship.
Doing this helped me find love again.
It is essential to know that you deserve more than what you got in your last relationship, otherwise, you’re just going to go in circles.
8. You’re taking steps to get back on track
Maybe there were people you needed to cut from your life because they were highly toxic.
Your head is clearer, and you feel you’re getting your drive back.
You’re learning to say no to people to protect your mental health.
You’re having brighter and better days and you’re valuing your peace of mind with each passing day and week.
It is vital to develop good habits that increase your happiness and peace and surround yourself with good people who uplift you and bring out the best in you.
It’s one of the best ways to bring about healing and progress.
9. You can think of your ex with someone else
Since you have made peace with the fact that your relationship with your ex will never work and it’s over – you have no trouble realizing that both of you are meant for other people.
You can now picture your ex with someone else and feel no animosity, envy, or jealousy.
You don’t feel feelings of anguish or loss either.
And it’s one of the most prominent signs you’re healing from a breakup.
If you have reached this stage where you can picture your ex with other people, know that you are ready to move on.
Pat yourself on the back because this is a huge step, and you need credit.
This step is not easy, but it’s doable.
You can also start dating again.
10. You start to look forward to things
Your days are filled with plans – whether it’s your work tasks, your hobbies, and passions, or seeing your friends and your family.
You are excited to start each day so that you can learn something new or do something extraordinary.
This is one of the best signs you’re healing from your breakup.
And if you’ve already reached this stage, you’ve made significant progress and you’re really moving forward with your life.
11. You haven’t lost faith in love
A lot of people who go through breakups lose faith in love.
They begin to believe that love is a myth, that everybody cheats, or that relationships are destined to fail.
However, please note that this is your pain talking.
There are a lot of people who are in very happy relationships and they work at it every single day.
Relationships are successful when both these conditions are met:
- Two people love each other and are willing to make the relationship work at any cost because they know that the other person brings them joy and comfort.
- They are compatible with each other and have similar values and goals.
A relationship has an excellent chance of lasting till the end if both of these conditions are met.
So, love is very much real.
But more than an emotion, it is a decision.
Every relationship that has failed will teach you a crucial lesson.
My first relationship taught me to be patient and kind, but at the same time, it taught me to let go when things are no longer working.
My second taught me to take the time to understand people before trusting them.
It also taught me not to merge my identity with my partner.
These lessons helped me find true love.
And I was able to find someone loyal, kind, and, most of all, who accepted me for who I am.
12. You’re learning to love yourself
It’s very easy to get lost in relationships.
Sometimes people forget that love and obsession are two very different concepts.
People get so lost in their relationships that they forget that they are two completely different people.
No matter how similar someone is to you, they can never be you.
You are a unique individual, so you cannot control outcomes or try to be just like your partner.
This is a sign of a toxic relationship.
It is imperative for both people in a relationship to pursue their own hobbies and interests and have a life outside of their relationship.
If you feel this was you, it’s okay.
Take this time to learn to love yourself.
Understand that you are your priority which means:
- You should focus on healing and improving your mental health
- You have to take care of yourself physically by eating nutritious food and getting enough exercise
- Spiritually, you should work on yourself – journal, meditate and read self-love books to build your strength.
If you are looking for a journal to help you through your breakup, I highly recommend this one:
But most of all, understand that your relationship status doesn’t define your self-worth.
You are just as important and valuable as a person who is in a relationship.
Being single does not mean there is something wrong with you.
It merely means that you haven’t found the right person to spend your life with.
That is all.
So, focus on loving yourself as a single person.
13. Other relationships give you hope instead of envy
You start smiling instead of reminiscing about your ex when you see other people in love.
You no longer feel sad, miserable, and lonely when you see couples or families.
In fact, you feel hope because you know that someday you too will find the right person for you.
Being genuinely happy for your friends, acquaintances, or just people who pass you by is a gift.
Not just to you, but to everyone around you.
It’s a rare quality to feel joy for others genuinely, and it means that you are already making progress – you are healing from your breakup and becoming a much nicer human being.
Take courage because things are already looking up.
Here are some books you may find helpful:
Frequently asked questions
What are the stages of healing after a breakup?
The five stages of grief are:
- Denial (where you are unable to comprehend or accept that the relationship has ended)
- Anger (you feel infuriated at your partner or outside sources and try to blame different people or circumstances for the breakup)
- Bargaining (you’re constantly trying to recover and redeem the relationship, or you just want your ex back)
- Depression (You’ve realized that you cannot change anything, and you’re mourning over the relationship and just overall feel sad)
- Acceptance (You’ve made peace with the fact that the relationship has ended, and you realize that it is in your best interests to move on)
After a relationship has ended, it is normal to fluctuate between the first 4 stages because, as I mentioned earlier – healing isn’t linear.
You may move between bargaining and anger or depression and bargaining after a breakup.
We are human beings, and we can’t help how we feel or think.
However, if you have the will to move on and get over your breakup – you will be able to do it sooner.
It depends on how strong-willed you are and how much you want to love yourself again to move forward with your life.
Understand that missing someone and loving someone is okay.
You may love and miss them, but it’s imperative to know that they were not suitable for you – otherwise, the relationship would never have ended.
Reaching acceptance will take a while – but you will make it.
How do you let go of someone you love?
When you love someone, you let them go because their happiness is equally important as yours.
Remember, it takes two people to make a relationship work.
You cannot be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t share the same feelings you do.
Making peace with this fact is the best way to move on and let someone go.
It is the only way to help you get over your breakup and find happiness again.
I hope this post helped you understand the signs you’re healing from a breakup.
If you’ve recently found yourself single, here are some posts that you might like:
- How to rebuild your life after losing everything
- Will I ever find real love again? Yes, you will
- Will I ever find someone better than my ex? Read this
- You just want someone to care for you, read this
- 7 healthy habits to develop in your 30s as a woman
- 13 signs of unrequited love and how to let go
- How to recover from a toxic relationship
- Struggling with singleness? Read this
- Will I find someone better than my ex? Yes, you will
- How to wait patiently for love
- How to love yourself while you’re single
- Dating Advice every single woman needs
- How to stop letting things bother you
- The ultimate guide to getting over heartbreak and finding happiness again
- 35 honest ways to get your life together
- How to trust the process and just let go
- The best advice for living alone and not being lonely
- How to let go of the past
- 15 ways to get a fresh start this year
- 13 ways to reset your life
- How to create a plan and stick to it