Last Updated on June 30, 2022 by Angela Vaz
Maybe you’ve found yourself single after a long relationship that ended recently.
Or maybe you’ve been single for a while now and you’re looking to find a stable relationship.
Either way, dating while single in today’s day and age isn’t easy.
And although there are a lot of websites and books that belt out dating advice for single women, it can be quite difficult to understand what to take seriously and what to disregard.
As a single woman who has been in two long-term relationships and then navigated the single life for some time before finding true love, I would love to tell you what’s worked for me.
I have been on a lot of dating apps and I’ve read pretty much everything on being single and finding love.
But in the end, it was only when I made peace with being single and was true to myself did I end up finding love.
In this post, I want to cover everything that I did that really worked for me and helped me find a person I am truly compatible with and love.
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13 Relationship Tips for Singles
1. Know what you’re looking for
Before you start dating (especially if you’ve been single for a long time or have come out from a toxic relationship), take the time to understand what it is you want from your future partner.
This will help you save a lot of time because you’ll know almost immediately when you meet someone that is not what you want.
For instance, I was looking for a man who was very humble, kind, and who wanted a serious relationship.
This list helped me automatically ward off men who:
- Are egotistical
- Are extremely unkind or inhumane
- Don’t want anything serious
This meant that over 90% of the people on the dating apps were out of the running.
And that’s okay.
It’s okay to know what you want and not settle for less.
It’s alright to be picky and filter out a lot of people.
You’ll end up with way less heartbreak and your expectations will be on point.
It is important to know the difference between holding standards and holding expectations.
Make a list of what you want in a partner but at the same time, don’t focus on physical attributes.
Have some wiggle-room when it comes to characteristics you are willing to compromise on.
Be reasonable with your requirements.
For example, it’s okay to look for a man who is financially independent but to aim for someone who is filthy rich may not be the way to go.
I found it easier to make a list of what I was looking for in a partner. Some of the traits I wanted in him were:
- Emotionally maturity
- The ability to accept me for who I am and be able to make peace with my past.
I knew no matter what happened, I wasn’t going to settle for anything less with these attributes.
And keeping the bar this high helped me find someone who was exactly all these things and more.
2. Learn to identify when things are at a standstill
Take it from someone who’s been in 2 long-term relationships, and has been on dating apps for a long time: If a person wants to be with you, they will find a way to be with you.
There are no exceptions to this rule.
I remember when my second ex broke up with me, he was full of excuses. It went from God not being okay with our relationship to his parents never being able to accept me as a divorcee.
If they’re making excuses and you feel that they’re hesitant to take the next step – simply let go.
Do not hold on to someone who is finicky about being in a relationship with you.
If they’re constantly saying things like, “I don’t know where this is going, give me some time.” And it’s been months or years, let go.
They are not meant for you.
They either don’t know what they want or they have commitment issues.
Let go before you get heartbroken.
If they’ve spent a considerable amount of time with you and you feel they know you inside and out and love you but are not ready to get serious or put a label on your relationship, they’re definitely not serious about the relationship.
It is going to be hard.
Especially if you love them and they love you too. You might feel like you cannot live without the person, but understand that love is a two-way street.
Your love is unrequited at this point and it may be time to find someone who truly wants to be with you.
3. Keep your expectations low on the first date
Please know that every date you go on needn’t result in a relationship or marriage.
That is going to put a lot of pressure on your dating and dates.
Dating is about finding out whether there is a potential connection – whether you both are an ideal match or are compatible.
Sometimes, you may chat with a person for a while and feel like they are end-game.
But when you meet them, they may show you a different side. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the connection right away or they’re just not who you thought them to be.
Enjoy the date and learn to walk away if you aren’t comfortable with the person or feel it’s going nowhere.
Don’t ghost them. Just send them a nice text saying that you had a good time but you don’t see it going forward. Be polite, be kind.
When you’re single, you’re going to have to kiss a few frogs before you find the one.
You have to be ready to talk to a few people before you find the one.
And if dating is getting exhausting for you, take a break.
Focus on the relationship you have with yourself before you start dating again.
If you feel like the person is really nice, but you’re not feeling chemistry, go on a few more dates before you decide to call it quits.
Chemistry on the first date is overrated. It’s our hormones going wild due to a lack of a relationship.
Chemistry can be built over time. Remember that.
4. Be yourself
Yes, it is important to put your best foot forward when you’re going out on your first date.
But it’s also important to be yourself.
Talk about things that mean a lot to you – things that keep you going, things that you are passionate about.
People love when other people are real.
Talk about the things you love, the things that you look forward to in life, your goals, and your aspirations.
If you are unhappy with life or are still upset over losing your ex, don’t date.
Heal and get over the past before you decide to put yourself out there.
When you are talking about your goals, ask your date about theirs.
Your goals needn’t be the same, but there should be a willingness to be supportive of your partner’s goals.
For instance, my partner loves traveling and I love staying indoors.
I was looking for adventure and he was looking for something homey and stable. We both were willing to put ourselves out there and do what the other was interested in.
And life became more interesting because we both got a little bit out of each other’s passions.
It’s okay for both of you to have different qualities and likes, but it is important to note if your morals, your visions, and your values are aligned.
These should never be compromised and if there is no willingness to adapt, then perhaps the person is not right for you.
5. Build an emotional connection first
It’s okay to want to date and have only your physical needs met.
But understand that if you’re truly looking for a serious partner or looking to find love, you can’t get physical with them on the first date and expect it to go somewhere.
It is important to understand who they are first and build a mental and emotional connection.
Sex is extremely important no doubt, but it should not overtake the relationship because otherwise, it’s not going to last.
Focus on building a rapport first before anything else.
An emotional and mental connection is super essential if you’re looking for something that is going to last.
Yes, chemistry is important but it isn’t vital.
I didn’t have much chemistry with my man when we first met, even though he felt a lot of sparks.
Unlike him, I had been on a lot of dates with other people so I was extremely careful. I was way past the point of getting infatuated on the first date and I was taking it slowly.
It was only after a few dates and a lot of talking did I first feel that connection.
And I knew it was serious because I took my time to evaluate where the relationship was going and what I really liked about him.
Dating is data collection – remember that.
It’s okay to take your time and build a strong foundation before you jump into bed with the person. This will ensure that you’ve chosen the right person who is extremely compatible with you.
6. Do not play mind games
If you notice that the person you’re dating is playing games with you or they seem interested sometimes but are busy a lot, then communicate it with them.
Do not play games with the person and try to “get even.”
This will only stunt your emotional growth and leave you behind in the dating game.
We are no longer children.
It is important to communicate how you feel with the person you’re dating and just be honest.
If you feel like you’re no longer a priority in their life or they’re constantly making excuses for their shoddy behavior, then just leave.
Do not waste your time trying to change someone. It is not your responsibility.
7. Do not be hasty
It is okay to take your time and go at a pace that feels comfortable to you.
Do not feel pressured into doing something you are not comfortable with.
I remember my man asking me if it was okay for him to ask for a kiss on our second date.
I admired his honesty.
I said I wasn’t there yet and needed some time because a kiss was very important to me. He respected my wishes and we continued to date till I kissed him a month later. And needless to say, it was a good kiss.
If the person you’re dating doesn’t respect your personal space or is forcing you to do something you aren’t comfortable with, then this person is not for you.
Learn to walk away and move on to someone who respects you and treats you right.
Remember, it’s okay to take things slow.
Welcome questions and be honest about how you’re feeling always.
My partner was very clear with me that he’d been single for many years and wasn’t quite sure how the dating world worked. I was more than happy to answer all his questions and I really liked how honest he was about his inexperience.
If you have any questions and would like to ask your partner, always be open and communicate how you feel.
It’s okay to look inexperienced or not know things about dating or romance.
8. Do not make dating your whole world
It’s okay and completely natural to get excited when you’re dating.
Especially if you haven’t done it for a while and you’re just getting back on the dating horse again.
But remember to focus on your routine and not let dating take over your life.
Your life should be balanced and you should have other things that you look forward to.
Learn to love your single life and appreciate what you have going for you.
As much as you want a relationship, understand that things will change when you find the one.
You will no longer have as much free time as you do now.
Your life is just as valuable now as it will be when you find a partner.
It’s completely okay to be single and still want a relationship. But your yearning shouldn’t become your whole world.
Trust the process and believe that one day you will find the one and learn to take it one step at a time.
9. Be confident
People love confidence.
It is an attractive quality.
You don’t have to fake something or be someone you’re not to attract someone you like.
Because there is only so much pretending you can do.
Eventually, the truth will come out and it’s better for someone to not like you for who you are than liking you for who you’re not.
So, no matter who you are – be confident. Be positive. Be happy.
Dress up like how you want to dress up and wear clothes you are super comfortable with.
All my life, I wore bright and happy clothes because I love outrageous colors. I dulled it down in college and in my 2 relationships because my partners weren’t comfortable with the way I dressed.
But I stayed true to who I was when I became single again. And I found someone who loves me for who I am. He lets me wear whatever I want and I feel so comfortable dressing up the way I want to around him.
Your partner should let you be who you are.
If your date tries to control you or is insecure with the way you dress, then this is definitely not the right person for you and it is time to walk away.
10. Stay safe
Online dating is all fine and dandy, but it won’t hurt you to be safe.
Make sure you talk to your date for a while on the phone via calls and text for a week or two before you set up your first date.
When you do decide to meet your date, set up a date at a popular and crowded street and choose a decent restaurant where there will be a few people.
I always set up my dates during the weekends and I preferred meeting my dates for lunch – that way I could wind up before it got too dark.
It is important to take precautions when you’re single and living alone because the world can be a little scary at times.
Always inform a friend about your dates and whereabouts so that someone can keep track of you when you go out.
11. Watch out for red flags
As you start dating the person, keep an eye out for red flags.
If he treats the wait staff with respect and kindness, he treats people with respect. Note how he talks to his friends or parents over the phone. Does he get irritated easily or is he kind and accommodating?
People are often good at making a perfect first impression but there are always tells that you can note to see if it holds true.
If they’re listening to you attentively during your dates and constantly ask you questions at the end of each story, you’ll know that you’ve found yourself a good listener.
I remember going on a date with a man who wouldn’t let me talk at all.
He’d constantly interrupt me or talk over me and he was over-confident that he’d done a good job. Needless to say, I never saw him again.
Apart from the way your date listens and talks, note how they behave under stress. If they’re calm and patient, it is a good sign that you’ve found an emotionally mature person.
If they’re constantly cursing under their breath or fly off the handle for every small nuance, then you may be talking to someone with underlying anger issues.
Try to look beyond the charm and see if the person you’re dating is sensible and patient.
12. It’s okay for the two of you to be different
It is completely normal if you both are slightly different and it isn’t a bad thing if you don’t share all your interests.
For instance, my partner is extremely adventurous and outgoing while I like staying indoors. We both go out to parties and meet his friends 2-3 times a week but we stay indoors the rest of the time.
He is also into sports while I’m not.
He plays basketball every morning while I read or play the piano.
We also read very different books and I like sleeping 8 hours a day whereas he’s comfortable with 4-5.
It’s alright to have different interests and as long as you both can accept each other for your differences, your relationship will work perfectly.
13. Learn to communicate with your partner
If you are dating someone and it is getting serious, understand that there will be differences in opinions that will crop up from time to time.
It is important that you both learn to communicate and talk about what is bothering you in a healthy manner.
Sit down and talk to your partner if something is brewing inside of you.
Do not let it fester and grow till it explodes.
Both of you are mature adults and you should always talk about your concerns – not shove them under the rug.
It is completely okay to talk about your insecurities, your wants, your desires, and your fears.
As you both start getting to know each other, you will understand each other’s weaknesses and flaws.
And it’s totally alright to become vulnerable and be honest with each other.
Learn to resolve conflicts in a healthy manner and talk about what is troubling you.
And that brings us to the end of the dating advice you should really pay attention to.
Now, I want to answer some commonly asked questions.
How do I know if I’m ready to date?
If you are completely over your ex and are not lamenting over the lost relationship, you are officially over the past.
Ask yourself if dating is a fun experience for you. If you’re excited to meet new people, you should definitely start dating.
It’s okay to go on a date and feel low. If you’re not feeling it, then excuse yourself and tell the person you’re simply not ready. And go back to not dating for a while.
Take breaks when dating gets exhausting for you.
I took plenty of breaks in my single life and I did not rush anything when I was single for the second time.
Do single people give better dating advice?
Single people have a little more experience with dating than most. And it’s okay to take dating advice from single people.
Take advice if it comes from a place of love and genuine happiness. But if the person giving you advice is very negative or tells you that people aren’t worth it, then perhaps you should take it with a pinch of salt.
Why are some of the best people single?
There are multiple reasons for this.
One might be because the person chooses to stay single.
Remember, being single isn’t a bad thing. It is a personal life choice, that’s all it is.
Sometimes, people are ready for a relationship but they haven’t found a person compatible with them yet, they may still be looking.
It doesn’t matter if you’re single or in a relationship. It doesn’t make you better or worse.
We are all coursing through life at our own pace and are doing what feels right to us.
These are some of the best relationship tips for singles I can give you because I have been in your shoes. I have been single and in unfulfilling relationships.
I know what it’s like.
Remember to take things slow.
Dating should be comfortable for you and at any point if it’s getting overwhelming, feel free to take a break and just enjoy your single life.
There is no fixed age for getting hitched or finding a life partner.
You can find love at any age and if you do truly want to find a partner, the universe is going to send you someone when you’re ready.
Learn to love your single life and appreciate your life for what it is right now.
You will find love. You will find the person that is meant for you.
I remember losing hope at one point and feeling like I would never find someone.
But the next day, I’d feel better and keep that hope alive that someday I’d find someone.
I made peace with my single life and continued to date but I learned to enjoy my single life.
It was only when I’d realized that my single life was perfect and that a man would be the perfect addition (and not my whole life), did I find that special someone.
If you have recently found yourself single, here are a few more posts to help you:
- 13 signs of unrequited love and how to let go
- How to recover from a toxic relationship
- 17 signs it’s time to end the relationship
- Will I ever find someone better than my ex? Yes, here’s why
- 13 signs you are healing from a painful breakup
- What I did to recover from a toxic relationship
- How I got over my cheating ex and moved on
- How to love yourself while you’re single
- How to stop letting things bother you
- The ultimate guide to getting over heartbreak and finding happiness again
- 35 honest ways to get your life together
- How to trust the process and just let go
- How to live alone and not be lonely
- How to let go of the past
- 15 ways to get a fresh start this year
- 13 ways to reset your life
- How to create a plan and stick to it