Relationships

Will I find someone better than my ex?

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Will I ever find someone better than my ex?

Last Updated on March 11, 2024 by Angela Vaz

You felt like they were the one.

They were perfect in almost every way possible.

Nobody understood you as they did.

They made you laugh.

They were kind to you.

And you thought you’d be together forever.

But circumstances have led you to part ways.

And now, all you can do is lament and wonder, “Will I find someone better than my ex?”

I was in the exact situation as you on 3rd March 2021.

I’m writing this blog post exactly one year later to tell you that, yes, you will find someone better than your ex.

I am writing this article because I wish someone had told me all these points when I was in the same place.

I want you to know that you will get through this pain and find someone better.

But it will only be possible if you keep the following points in mind.

Keep reading.

But before that really quick, get my free guide on how to really reset your life.

This post contains affiliate links, meaning I may make a commission at no extra cost to you if you decide to click on a link and purchase something. Click here to read the full disclaimer.

A little backstory first:

I entered a relationship soon after my divorce.

The man seemed perfect in every way. He was kind, funny, really compassionate, and in almost every way – compatible with me.

There was only one catch. He was hesitant to tell his parents about me because I was a divorcee.

After a year of dating, he suddenly disappeared, claiming that God had shown him a vision of another woman, and he had to be with her instead.

Initially, I was gobsmacked.

I felt like the carpet was ripped out from under me.

And I was crushed, devastated.

I felt (at that time, I was sure) I would never find anyone better than my ex.

I have spoken to so many people in my life, and I never clicked with anyone else, so what guarantee was there that I would find someone else?

Nobody could understand me better than my ex.

He was my best friend and my partner in crime.

Getting through that breakup was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And I’ve been cheated on by my ex-husband and lost my mother to cancer. But this was a whole new world of darkness.

My mind kept replaying all of our happy times. But I knew there was no turning back. I had to keep my mind focused on the present.

I focussed on myself.

And I focussed on self-love because, at that moment, I didn’t have anyone else to love me.

Which meant I had to do it myself.

I started getting my life on track.

I learned to love myself until I found love again.

I’m currently dating a wonderful man, and we’ve just finished six months together.

In this post, I want to discuss what I did and why I firmly believe you will find someone better than your ex.

Let’s get started.

Will I find someone better than my ex? 7 Reasons you will

1. Take your time to heal

Take your time to heal

Don’t look back at what you’ve lost.

Take it from someone who’s already loved and lost and watched other people do the same.

If the relationship ended, it ended for a reason.

One of you was not getting your needs met.

It can be very confusing at the moment, and you may be in severe denial, but please understand that this is normal.

The pain is intense right after a loss.

And you are shaken with grief.

You will move from anger to depression, guilt to sadness, and feel your emotions waver like nothing you’ve experienced before.

This is normal.

Let it pass.

Unfortunately, there is no shortcut to getting through this portion of the breakup.

So move through it. Let the emotions engulf you.

Spend as much time by yourself as possible to get it all out of your system.

Here are a few posts I recommend if you’ve just come out of a relationship:

2. Don’t keep running back to the past

Let them go once you’ve decided that the breakup is permanent and they have moved on.

Remember one thing; you cannot force anyone to love you.

It takes two people to make a relationship successful.

If the relationship is rocky or has ended, it means that it was not meant to be.

Please note that:

  • You can still love them but know that they are not suitable for you.
  • You can still miss them but acknowledge that you are okay not being together.

So, please don’t rush to call them or text them when you miss them.

Let them go.

After a breakup, it might take 3-6 months for the pain to become bearable.

But you’ll have to push through it.

Learn to let go of the past and let the past remain in the past.

This is not easy and will take time.

But it is okay to take your time.

There is no set time period to heal and get over a breakup.

Please remember that till you are over this person, you cannot find love.

Here’s how you will know that you are truly over your breakup:

  • You will be able to look at your relationship as a learning experience
  • You won’t bear any ill feelings towards your ex
  • Your ex dating again will not bother you

It’s okay to love your ex-partner and still want them, but at the same time know that it is okay for both of you to not be together.

Here are some posts to help you with this:

3. Know your wants and needs

Know your wants and your needs

After taking some time and distance from your relationship, you will begin to see your relationship for what it indeed was.

You may also see your ex for what they were.

And you will slowly realize why the two of you may not have been extremely compatible for the following reasons:

  • Maybe both of you wanted different things
  • Both of you evolved to become different people as your relationship progressed
  • You couldn’t compromise anymore
  • Your needs and wants were different
  • There were compatibility issues
  • Your morales and views were different about important topics

Once you understand what caused the breakup or the relationship to end, make a list of what you want from your future partner.

Do this only when you feel ready to take on this exercise.

If the thought of being with someone else is still hurting you, then take more time to heal and come back to this later.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself:

  • What are the qualities I want in my future partner?
  • What goals should we share?
  • How do I want my future partner to treat me? What attributes should they have?
  • What is this person like?

By making a list of all their qualities and values, you will know precisely what you want from your future partner.

This will help you realize what you are looking for, and you will not settle for anything less than what you want.

My list looked like this:

  • He should be kind, loyal, have a good sense of humor, and love to communicate.
  • He should be wise, intelligent, and respectful to all living beings.
  • Most importantly, he should accept me for who I am – a divorcee and single woman.

And I didn’t settle for anything less till I found someone who matched all these attributes.

4. Love yourself

This is the most crucial step.

You’ve been hurt, bruised, and broken.

It is time to take care of yourself and heal yourself.

Loving yourself as a single person doesn’t mean that you want to be single forever.

It means accepting your single status and knowing that your value does not change just because you don’t have a partner.

It’s okay if everyone you know is in a relationship or has babies.

That’s completely alright.

A person can find themself single at any age.

It means that you haven’t found the right person yet or you’re comfortable being single.

Either way, it’s normal, and there is nothing to feel ashamed of.

So, love yourself and take care of yourself.

Use this time to work on yourself and better yourself.

Yes, you want someone to love, and maybe you want to be in a relationship again.

But either you or the person you’re meant to be with isn’t ready to be in a relationship – so take your time to build to that phase till you are prepared.

Better yourself.

Forget everything that is not in your control.

You cannot control love or force yourself to find someone right now.

It will happen when it has to happen.

So, make peace with that information and deal with what you can control – yourself.

You have the time and the resources to make something of yourself.

Use this time to start a new chapter in your life.

Here are a few posts I’ve written to help you with this:

5. Learn from those who have fallen

Learn from those who have already gone through hardships

Whenever I feel defeated or crushed due to life’s turbulences, I turn to those who have fallen and conquered their obstacles.

I read.

There have been millions who have walked in your shoes and survived.

People have lost loved ones to breakups, divorces, or death.

And they have cried, they have broken down, and they’ve learned to smile again.

Learn from them.

I started reading multiple books written by people who have lost or overcome turmoil, and it helped me feel better.

It made me realize that I was not alone and would get through this.

It gave me hope and encouragement.

And I credit all that I have learned to these books:

Here are all the books about self-love and healing I recommend you read to help you with this journey of self-love.

By casting aside your pain and focusing on the pain of others who have been in similar situations (or worse), you will learn that you are not alone in this, and it will give you a lot of comfort.

Apart from reading, practice meditation, and journaling.

These two activities will help you self-introspect and help you become more self-aware of the past and the present.

And it will help you become very emotionally mature.

6. You will have some tough moments

Healing is not a linear journey.

It’s not going to be always up.

You may have two good weeks before you suddenly remember something from the past that will set off the tears suddenly.

It’s normal.

Don’t fret.

Healing takes time.

You may feel incredibly lonely at times, or you may see your couple friends, which might trigger the loneliness.

It’s okay to have those nasty moments.

It’s alright to feel those few pangs of loneliness.

Being single doesn’t always mean being super happy.

Everybody has their weak moments.

But all in all, try to enjoy your own company.

Focus on habits and activities that bring you joy.

Rediscover your passions. Maybe you’ve always wanted to knit or draw. Perhaps you’ve wanted to write poetry or sing.

Do that!

Here are a few posts that will help you:

7. Begin dating when you are ready

Date when you feel you are ready

Do not date till you have fully healed and feel ready to date.

There is no fixed time for healing; remember that.

Only when you feel like you have fully gotten over your partner should you begin dating.

If you start dating and still feel overwhelmed, take a break. It’s okay. Be honest with the person you’re seeing and tell them that the time isn’t right.

Take more time to heal before initiating dating again.

It’s okay to be overwhelmed and feel like you’re starting from scratch.

You may also meet some people that you don’t want to see again because they might not be compatible with you – that’s okay too.

Learn to walk away when you sense that something isn’t right.

This topic obviously is huge, so read these posts for more information:

But know this for sure – you are going to find someone.

You will not only find someone who is better, but you will find someone who is right for you.

Your relationship will be a good one because you will be mature enough to talk about your disagreements, and you will love and respect each other.

So, look forward to that new chapter, and until then, keep the hope alive.

Wrapping it up – Will I find someone better than my ex?

You will.

Know that if you have the desire to be in a loving and committed relationship, you will eventually find someone who has the same goals and values you do.

But to find that person, you need to heal and move on from the person you were with.

You will also need to reinvent yourself and learn to be happy alone and single.

Only once you do this will you be on your way to finding love again.

I cannot guarantee when you will find it, but I have spoken to so many people who have found love at basically any age, and I know this is possible.

I wish you nothing but the best.

Please leave a comment if you have any questions or want to share your experience.

If you have recently found yourself single, here are a few more posts to help you:

Angela is a 30 year old Illustrator and Blogger living with her 2 adorable labradors in Bangalore, India. She has a degree in Psychology and Human Relationships from the University of Toronto. When she's not writing her heart out or drawing, you'll find her sipping chai and reading non-fiction books.

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2 Comments

  1. Steve Hicks Reply

    I thank you for your advice. I know you meant well. I have tried to heal read hundreds of articles dozens of books. Two therapist. Started countless hobbies and pursued my dreams. The only thing I have post breakup is that Im financial devastated., trying to find myself. Started feeling lonely and finally got my sex drive back after a long period of time. I have been on dating apps. Tired church and hanging out at other social events. Guess how many dates I have been on. ZERO!!! Untill she left me and I tried the healing thing I thought I was a pretty good guy. With each rejection and every week that goes by my confidence gets worse and worse. Just wondering. If I’m going to end up living in a trailer park broken, poor and alone. Seems I’m heading in that direction like I’m in a bullet train to hell.

    • Angela Vaz Post Author Reply

      Hey Steve,

      I can see that you’re feeling frustrated and devastated. It’s normal – when I was single, I’d often talk myself down and feel deflated everytime something doesn’t go well. But honestly? I think you need friends. Accept being single for now – just make peace with it. And stop obsessing about not having a girlfriend. Go on dates. Rejection is normal.

      My partner is obese. He has a beautiful personality, is kind and extremely smart. He told me that he faced rejection almost all his life. When we had been dating for a while, his mom hugged me while crying because she was so happy that he had finally brought a girl home.

      I’m not kidding when I say that dating is very hard for men – men have very few options and they have to do so much more to get noticed. They have to be presentable and have a whole lot going on in their lives.

      But what I will say is, you’re already on the right path – you’re healing, you’re trying to improve yourself, you’re living.

      Continue to live – find joy in small things like drinking coffee or playing with your pet or going to work. Focus on all these things and at the same time, keep trying, – date. If it doesn’t go well, shrug it off and try again later.

      Keep an open mind – and no, just because you’re alone, doesn’t mean you’re going to live in a trailer park.

      That’s not how it works.

      Sending you love,
      Angela

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