Last Updated on September 23, 2022 by Angela Vaz
You felt like you had a chance at love.
And it didn’t work out.
Maybe you lost your partner.
Maybe they left you.
But you feel broken.
You feel empty.
And a huge part of you feels like you’ve missed your chance.
And you’re asking yourself, “Will I ever find love again?”
This was me in 2019 when my ex of 9 years left me after I discovered him cheating.
This was me again in 2020 when the person I loved so much left me because he couldn’t break the news to his parents about me being a divorcee.
I thought I’d lost my chance forever.
But I took my time to heal and get over those toxic relationships.
I learned to love my single life.
And I got back on the dating horse again and I found love.
I found a man that loves and respects me for who I am and we are really happy together.
So, I’ve been through what you have.
And in this post, I want to talk to you about finding love again.
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Will I Ever Find Love Again? 7 Reasons You Will
1. There is no such thing as the one
Yes, we all grew up with this belief that there is one perfect person for everyone.
Unfortunately, that’s not the case.
There are billions of people in the world.
And please know that if there was supposed to be only 1 person meant for you, it would take decades (if not eons) to find that person.
Also, there is no such thing as soulmates.
A loving relationship is between 2 people who are not only compatible but also very committed to one another.
A relationship can work if both partners are willing, patient, trust each other, and know how to communicate.
Trust me, that’s all you need.
You basically need to find someone that is compatible with you and wants the same things you do.
They also need to be loyal, trustworthy, kind, and patient.
And no, it’s not asking for much.
It definitely isn’t easy to find, but it’s not possible.
Love does not have a time constraint.
We all don’t find love at 17.
Some people find love when they’re in their 30s. Some are in their 50s.
Society has put these weird expectations on young adults to be married before 30 and have kids before 35.
Unfortunately, that’s just not how life works.
I have been in 2 relationships – the first one was physically and emotionally abusive and the second one was just painful.
I honestly thought I’d lost my chance.
But I knew more than ever, I needed a break… which brings me to my next point.
2. Take time to heal
When the time is right and you are ready, the right person will find you.
But you need to be in a good mental state first.
This means loving yourself, and caring for your needs till you are completely healed and over the previous relationship.
If you’ve gone through a painful breakup, then you need to get over it before you start a new relationship again.
If you’ve lost your partner, then you need to grieve before you can move on again.
Healing takes time.
And it’s alright to take time.
You cannot find love if you are hurting.
Mainly because you will not be in the right frame of mind and make bad decisions when you’re hurting.
Even the littlest of kind deeds will win you over because at this point you are vulnerable – this could lead you to pick someone who is going to hurt you.
Even if you do find a nice person, your pain is going to cause an emotional wedge between you both.
So spare yourself and the future person you’re going to date some agony, and heal first.
Take some time to let things be and let your feelings wash over you.
Come to a place of acceptance.
Once you see several signs that you are over your breakup, you can start to move on.
Remember, you don’t have a train to catch.
If and when you feel like you are ready to date, then you can start to date again.
3. Know that you will attract what you put out there
If you carry a very negative mental attitude, that’s exactly what you are going to attract.
When my first ex cheated on me, I remember a few lady friends telling me that all men cheat.
I disagreed vehemently.
I knew that the person I was with had cheated on me, but that did not mean that all men cheated.
It’s very important to not generalize.
It is also very important to have faith.
I’m not talking about having blind faith and just sitting at home expecting to find a person.
But I am talking about having good faith that someone good for you exists out there.
I cannot guarantee when you will find this person but it will happen when the time is right and both of you are ready for each other.
You have to be positive.
4. Start dating but take breaks if you need to
When you start dating, take it easy.
You don’t have to rush in order to find love.
Try online dating.
I met my current boyfriend (we’ve been going steady for over a year) on Hinge and I’m so grateful to technology because I would never have met him otherwise.
He was from a different city but we spoke on the phone for over a month after our first date till we met again.
It was honestly refreshing.
If you feel like dating is becoming too much for you, be honest with the person you are dating.
Tell them how you feel and take a break from dating.
Sometimes you might feel you’re ready but when you start dating, you might feel weird or just want to take a step back.
Healing isn’t linear.
It isn’t a straight line upward.
Ups and downs happen, and that’s completely alright.
So, don’t be afraid to take breaks when you’re second-guessing yourself.
5. Have real expectations when you are dating
Another thing I notice is that a lot of people talk about a lack of chemistry when they’re dating.
Please know that if you have a lot of chemistry on the first date, it could mean that the person you are seeing is a serial dater or womanizer.
These people may exude confidence and know exactly what to say in order to “melt your heart.”
But this is only because they have been on countless dates and are just naturally outgoing.
It comes with practice.
Not everyone has experience dating and they might be awkward, shy, or just slightly anxious.
This is normal.
This is how dates are supposed to be.
Dating is data collection.
You both have a common goal of being in a relationship and you are getting to know one another to see if you both are the right fit.
As you get to know the person, you slowly start to like that person.
Eventually, feelings develop and at one point you realize that you truly love them.
But it doesn’t happen immediately.
So, don’t get turned off if 1 date doesn’t go well.
Of course, you have to pay attention to red flags to ensure that you’re dating a nice person who actually wants a long-term relationship.
But do not turn down good people just because there is no spark or no chemistry.
Remember, that happens later most of the time.
Just know what your needs and goals are. And be honest and open when you are dating.
6. Know that it will happen when you are ready
I cannot stress this enough.
If you feel like you are not enough, you will find someone who is also insecure.
They may exude confidence but deep down they may be insecure or have an ego or worse be a narcissist.
This relationship will not last for long and eventually, it will break you.
So, it is very important to feel like you are enough.
This is why it is important to love yourself and care for yourself.
You need to know that you are enough. You need to know that you are going to be alright on your own.
You have to love yourself as a single person.
It is okay to want love but to know that you are single and make peace with being single.
When you reach that state of mind, you will attract someone that will not only love you deeply but also respect you for who you are.
That is real love.
Love isn’t holding hands every day and spending 24 hours together.
Love is being able to be there for each other and choosing to be with each other even if not 24 hrs a day.
It means that both people have similar goals and values and they decide to want to be together and spend life together with each other.
It’s understanding, patient, and kind.
There is no drama. And no complications.
7. Never compare the people you date with your ex
You are never going to find someone like your ex, mainly because you aren’t the person today that you were yesterday.
You have grown and so have your needs.
When your needs evolve, you will realize that you are looking for more.
If the previous relationship didn’t work out, it means that your ex was not right for you.
So, you need to keep an open mind and open heart and be willing to give people a chance.
You can’t go looking for someone who is exactly like your ex. If you do, you will find heartbreak.
Please know that no 2 people are alike.
Everyone comes with different values, different upbringing, and different cultures.
We are all unique individuals who try to blend in to form a society.
So, if you’ve broken up with your ex but you still love them, then know this: It is okay to love someone and miss them but know that they aren’t right for you.
Just because you love someone and miss someone, doesn’t mean you should go back to them.
Sometimes our needs are different.
This is what being an adult is all about.
A relationship cannot work on love alone.
Two people need to have the same values, goals, and needs in order for a relationship to work.
They need to be headed in the same direction.
So now, that it’s okay to miss them but it’s alright to move on and let them move on too.
Please know that if you do have a desire to be in a loving and committed relationship, you are going to find it.
But you have to heal and then start dating again.
Putting yourself out there isn’t easy.
And it definitely takes time.
But if you keep an open mind and heart, you are going to find that special someone who will respect you and love you more than you can ever imagine.
So yes, you will find love again.
There is so much more to discuss in this topic
Here are a couple more posts that will help you:
- 49 early dating signs he genuinely likes you
- 27 subtle signs he will never let you go
- How to prepare yourself for a relationship and find love
- How to stop overthinking after being cheated on
- How to love yourself while you’re single
- Dating Advice every single woman needs
- How to stop letting things bother you
- The ultimate guide to getting over heartbreak and finding happiness again
- 35 honest ways to get your life together
- How to trust the process and just let go
- The best advice for living alone and not being lonely
- How to let go of the past
- 15 ways to get a fresh start this year
- 11 reasons why he is telling you so much about himself
- Why does nobody understand me? What do I do?
- Nobody cares, how do I get people to care about me?
- 13 ways to feel loved when you feel like no one loves you