Last Updated on September 12, 2022 by Angela Vaz
You feel alone.
You feel like nobody will miss you if you’re gone.
You desperately want to feel loved and you want someone to care for you.
Here’s what you need to know.
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13 ways to feel loved when nobody loves you
1. Love starts from within
You cannot ever expect people to love you unless you start loving yourself.
This whole idea of “nobody loves me” comes from within us because deep down on some level we feel like we’re not good enough for anyone to love us.
This is a misconception because believe it or not, each and every single one of us has something good to offer to this world.
We all have our part to play.
But there will be days, weeks, or months when we feel useless.
It is up to you to realize that you are good enough and you want to live for yourself.
This is the first step to falling in love with yourself.
Embrace your flaws and fall in love with who you are.
Write down a few traits that you absolutely love about yourself and it’s going to be your job to own those traits and make them a huge part of your character.
Unless you start to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are, you are going to find it hard to find people who will see you for you.
2. Tell yourself you love yourself
This is honestly a very humbling and deep exercise. It may seem silly at first but it has brought many people to tears.
Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself you love yourself.
Just say, “I love you. I really love you.”
And say it with meaning.
Sometimes when we feel like we have lost everything and everyone, it is up to us to get back up on our feet.
This exercise will help you learn that you still have yourself and you’re going to be there helping yourself to get back up and face the world again.
Read these posts if you need more help with self-love:
- 7 self-love books that made me fall in love with life again
- 49 self-love journal prompts that helped me get back on my feet
- The ultimate guide to falling in love with yourself as a single person
The first step to feeling loved is to first accept ourselves for who we are.
3. Find joy in the little things
Often we feel like it is never enough.
But please know that happiness is often temporary.
There is nothing in this world that can make us happy forever. Everything is short-lived.
Happiness is a state of mind.
So, start finding joy in the little things.
It could be that little bird that wakes you up in the morning with its cute chirping. Or that morning coffee that hits you with its fresh aroma.
It could be that neighbor who says hi to you whenever you leave your home.
It will turn your life around.
4. Know that the feeling is normal
Please know that at some point in our lives, we all feel alone and lonely.
I remember when I discovered my ex cheating on me, and how betrayed I felt.
I suddenly had to get used to single life with my dogs and I felt like I had moved a step down.
I had no friends nearby, I was living all alone and I had to care for my mother who had cancer.
Those years were particularly very hard on me.
But I knew it was a temporary phase.
So every time you feel like you’re unloved, remember it’s a phase.
This feeling is natural.
Repeat that phrase till you start to believe it.
The feeling of being unloved and alone is natural and will happen to everybody in this universe at some point.
We just need to accept that it’s how we’re feeling and move on.
5. Put yourself out there
As much as we want to feel loved, everybody craves a different kind of love.
Some people want friends, some people want relationships, and some both.
You need to figure out what you want and you need to start making moves toward it.
In my case, I genuinely wanted friends and I wanted a long-term committed relationship with a partner.
So, I went out for meetups.
I started conversations with people I met.
I’d go to my dog park and talk to people.
I joined a meetup group and started socializing every weekend.
I attended Improvisation classes even though it terrified me and then had coffee with people later.
I went on dates with matches I made online.
All of this didn’t happen in one day of course. I did it for a while.
It definitely takes time to start socializing but you have to put yourself out there.
I’ve made some good friends and I’m dating a wonderful man.
I still hang out with people once a week. My boyfriend and I meet up with friends and play board games every Wednesday.
It’s a fun routine now.
My point is, it’s very easy to be an introvert because we are so used to letting technology take over.
But technology has made us lazy. We sit inside our four walls expecting people to find us and care for us.
That’s not how it works.
Get out there and find people who enjoy the same things you do.
Take physical classes so you can meet people who have the same interests as you do. If you love photography, take a photography class. If you love cooking, take a cooking class.
This will help you find people who share the same love for things you do.
6. Analyse the relationships you have
This is probably one of the most difficult things to do as an adult.
You need to analyze the relationships you have and then cut out the ones that don’t serve you.
I know people who have cut off the relationship they’ve had with their parents because they’ve either been too abusive or controlling.
And I myself have cut off relationships with people who just used me.
Evaluate your friendships and your relationships.
At the end of the day, this is your life.
If you are not happy and you genuinely feel drained after hanging out with the person, maybe they’re just not right for you.
I have a post here that talks about how to let friends go gently.
7. Don’t take things personally
There was a time when I used to take things very personally if someone couldn’t make time for me.
Later, I realized that people are just generally really busy.
A lot of people who have good hearts sometimes:
- Have their own set of problems that they’re trying to solve
- Is anxious or forgetful
- Sucks at time management
Cut people some slack.
More often than not, people are just too focussed on their own lives and can’t make time for others.
I’ve been on many forums and I’ve seen this to be true.
So, if your friends can’t make time for you, perhaps it’s the right time to make a new set of friends.
You don’t need to cut them off, you can just expand your circle a little more.
People will come and go. Friends will come and go.
It’s totally alright and is a normal thing we all need to get used to.
8. Lower your expectations
The problem with the media is it has given us a very unrealistic idea of love.
Most couples who do have a deep love for each other have their own lives.
They don’t spend every minute of every day holding hands and kissing.
That’s just not how it works.
A couple usually has their own individual goals and desires but usually shares the same values and beliefs.
There is a balance.
Likewise, most people see their friends 2-3 times a month. They don’t hang out together every day – unless they’re single or studying together in a dorm or something.
So, don’t go by the media’s definition of normal.
Ask yourself what seems right to you and create your own rules.
9. Learn to love your own company
All my life, I was an only child. Both my parents loved me dearly but worked from morning to night to give me a good life. I rarely saw them.
I stayed indoors all day.
Yet, it took me nearly 28 years to realize that I honestly enjoy my own company.
Don’t get me wrong- I still love going out once in a while and meeting people. But I love staying indoors with my dogs.
I love working from home.
And it took me some time to figure out how to make that work for me.
Likewise, start practicing hobbies that you love.
Ask yourself what is the one thing you genuinely enjoy doing and see if you can start a side hustle.
Maybe you can practice a skill or pick up a musical instrument. It’s never too late to start working on your dreams.
These activities will give you so much joy and they will renew your love for life in general.
10. Get involved in causes you care about
I love dogs.
Not only do I donate to dog shelters, I also help out stray dogs whenever I can and I foster puppies.
I love bonding with people who also have dogs.
This has helped me meet so many people and it has made me wiser.
I also love helping out and donating anything I’m not using. So, ask yourself if you can volunteer at organizations or charities.
Being kind and giving back is by far one of the best things I’ve done in my life. It has made me realize how much I actually have and it has led me down a path of deep gratitude.
11. Read books about self-love
I have a whole list of books that I read that deepened my love for the world and for myself.
You’ll learn a lot from people who have been in the same shoes you have. And it’s very comforting to know how people have fallen and gotten back up again and then written about their experiences.
Give these books a shot – it’s very motivating and beautiful.
12. Be open and kind
Open your heart.
And be receptive to love.
It all begins with you.
It’s very easy to see fault with everyone and judge people.
But it takes a bit of extra effort to just be kind and open to other people. Aim to become a nicer person.
Everybody is different and unique. We have our strengths and weaknesses. It isn’t easy to mingle these days because technology has made it difficult for people to step out of their comfort zones.
But that’s all it takes to feel loved.
It requires us to step outside of our comfort zones and find people who we can gel with.
13. Talk to someone
If you’ve been trying for a long time to feel loved but you feel like you’re going in circles or just want something more, then there is probably more to unwrap than meets the eye.
In this case, I’d suggest you talk to a counselor or therapist.
They will give you the tools to help you understand what is wrong and how to fix it.
It’s definitely not a quick fix and requires time, but it’s worth it.
I hope this post helped you understand that feeling loved does take some effort, and the journey is unique to everybody.
Here are a few more posts that will help you:
- Why does nobody understand me? What do I do?
- Nobody cares, how do I get people to care about me?
- How to improve your life by just 1% every day?
- How to reset your life if you’re tired of it
- 35 honest ways to get your life together
- How to focus on the present moment
- How to let go of the past once and for all
- How I learned to be happy alone and ditch the loneliness feeling
- 13 insightful tips to living alone for the first time
- How to afford to live alone
- 45 fun things to do on a Friday night all by yourself
- Alone outside and bored? 45 fun things to do outside