Last Updated on June 30, 2022 by Angela Vaz

Words cannot describe how you feel when your partner leaves you for someone else.

It doesn’t matter if you are a girl or a boy – when your partner leaves you for someone else, it will sting.

And it’s going to hurt.

There are literally no words to describe the pain and anguish you feel when it happens.

  • You’ll feel like they pulled your heart out of your chest.
  • Your chest will hurt.
  • Your brain will throb.
  • Everything will feel meaningless, and you won’t really know what to do or how to move on.

Understand that this is normal.

It will feel like the world is ending – but it won’t.

You will survive this, and you will get over it.

In this post, I want to discuss what to do if your girlfriend left you for someone else.

I have been in your shoes, and I have survived.

I feel I am equipped to talk about this because I have felt shattered and made mistakes in my pain.

I want you to know that it can be overcome, and I will give you tips on what to do next.

Let’s begin.

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A little backstory

I have experience in this topic, and I feel by sharing my story with you, you may be able to relate more.

I have been in 2 relationships before my current one.

The first one ended because I discovered my partner cheating on me. He left me for the woman when I found out. The lady also left her husband for my ex-partner.

My second relationship ended because my ex couldn’t make peace with my divorce. He then claimed that God had shown him that he was supposed to be with someone else.

Needless to say, I was attracting a type or really bad at reading people when I was in love.

So, first of all, I took some time to grieve.

It was hard – I couldn’t focus on work, I couldn’t pay enough attention to my family and dogs, and I just wanted to curl up on a sofa and cease to exist.

As I look back on that time now, I feel no pain or remorse – I can talk about what happened to me without breaking down.

I used to sometimes and quite rarely lament the time I have lost in those relationships.

But those relationships helped me:

  • Become more patient and kind
  • Very sympathetic to people going through breakups
  • Understand that single people are just as worthy as people in relationships
  • Learn how to love myself
  • Find love again (and this time, I got it right) =)

I took my time to heal, and eventually, I got back on the dating horse, and I did find love – genuine love.

So, here’s my two cents.

My girlfriend left me for someone else – 12 things you can do right now

1. Do not react in haste

It may be tempting to want to talk to her or try to convince her to see “reason.”

Don’t.

It doesn’t matter if you go on your knees or try to prove to her that you guys are perfect for each other.

This is NOT your job.

Love is a two-way street.

If she can’t see what she lost, it’s alright – that’s on her.

Whenever you enter a relationship with someone, you are signing an invisible contract to partake in that relationship willingly.

Either partner can change their mind at any time.

That’s what love is all about.

Do not react by:

  • Sending her texts and long messages
  • Calling her and asking her for closure or another chance
  • Contacting her friends or family
  • Gossiping about her or trying to take revenge

Do not react at all.

Just take some time to process this information.

Take some time for it to absorb.

Anything you do right now out of haste or emotion will make you regret that action later.

So, take time to let the information absorb and to feel the feelings.

You owe yourself that much in the least.

If you can’t trust yourself, unfollow your ex and unfriend them – this is not revenge.

It’s just keeping some healthy space between you and your ex-partner so that you can heal.

2. Grieve

Grieve your lost relationship

You’re going to go through several emotions – pain, anger, sadness, the feeling of betrayal, guilt, rage, and whatnot.

This is normal.

It happens to everyone after losing someone they love.

Take some time to mourn your loss.

Cry, write down your feelings, or just ruminate.

You need to get it out of your system so that you can heal and feel normal again.

Please know that what you are going through has been felt by almost everyone at some point.

Losing love can hurt as much as physical pain – sometimes more.

So, take some time to grieve and allow yourself to heal.

3. Be grateful

Remember this, if the relationship ended – it means one of you wasn’t getting your needs met.

If she left you for someone else without you having any clue at all – it most probably means that she was not really honest with you about a lot of things.

Perhaps there were issues that were troubling her, but she never spoke about them with you.

Or maybe she just wasn’t happy, but she never told you.

Either way, you both were never going to be happy because the relationship wasn’t working for her.

She wouldn’t have left if it was.

Sometimes people change.

Maybe at one point, you were both happy, and in love, but with time, things changed.

Maybe both of you developed different values and goals over time; that’s okay.

It’s alright.

Losing a relationship isn’t the end of the world – it’s merely an end of a chapter.

The media has built a very false image of love and relationships.

Please note:

  • Love doesn’t always last – people change, situations change, and love does come to an end sometimes
  • Not everyone is meant to be in a relationship – a lot of people carry their trust issues and hurt to relationships, and this often causes the end of a relationship
  • You may love and lose love more than once – it’s okay to lose a loved one; if you truly crave to be in a relationship, you will find love again
  • Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re worthless. It just means that you haven’t found the right person yet.

Be grateful that you got to know now rather than later.

Some relationships last years, and the person lies for years until they’re caught cheating.

Some people stay unhappily in relationships for years before leaving their partners.

I have a very close friend who was unhappy in her relationship with her partner.

She never left him; she just complained.

One day, she met someone and started to cheat on her partner. Eventually, she left her partner for the new guy she met.

I honestly and genuinely feel her new relationship won’t last.

Because it was not built on love or communication.

She wasn’t honest with her previous partner, and with time, the deceit and lies will build with this one too.

So if your girlfriend left you for someone else, be grateful that you got out of an unhappy relationship now rather than later.

4. Do not seek revenge

When someone has shown you their true colors, believe them.

She may have not been happy, or she’s cheated on you.

Either way, let it go.

Don’t waste your time trying to chase someone that does not value you or does not want you in their life.

It’s not worth it.

Let her go peacefully and calmly.

Your anger or sadness is only going to destroy you if you let it consume you. Be the bigger person and move on in your life.

Not for her, but for yourself.

Like I said before, you are your priority now.

Not her.

5. Change your perception

Change your perception

Maybe this relationship caused you pain, but what can you take away from this?

Look at what this has taught you.

You may need time before you reach this stage – that’s why I brought up grieving in the beginning.

Grieve and let your emotions out till you can start to think with clarity.

Only time can heal wounds.

And as cliche, as it sounds, it actually works.

I remember getting so mad and hurt when my friends would tell me that time would heal everything – but I found it to be true.

With time, we can see things more clearly than before.

We start to realize that the perfect relationship wasn’t so perfect.

And the perfect person we thought we were in love with wasn’t so perfect either.

With time, you may even realize that you two were just not compatible or in love.

Please know that it is okay to love her.

It is okay to miss her.

It doesn’t mean that you should get back together with her.

It’s okay to love and miss someone and still know that they are not right for you.

This is called acceptance.

And with acceptance comes something more powerful than love – self-love.

So, start looking at your relationship in a new light.

Maybe:

  • Your relationship taught you that it is not okay to take things for granted
  • Your ex leaving taught you to be more kind and loving to yourself.
  • The relationship made you realize how you should not place your relationship or girlfriend over other areas of your life.
  • You are more than just a boyfriend.

Note down everything that you have learned and keep it with you. This will allow you to start seeing your relationship and your life in a new light.

6. Realize your significant roles

In this post, I talk about how to get over a breakup.

But right now, you need to prioritize yourself.

Yes, your relationship might have been a huge part of your identity, but you are much more than a boyfriend.

  • Examine your other roles in life – You’re a son, a father maybe, or a brother to someone
  • You may be a dog parent or a cat parent.
  • You may be a student or a teacher, or an employer
  • You’re also a friend to so many people

Look at all of your other roles and acknowledge those with respect and love.

Your girlfriend may have been an important part of your life, but she should not have been your whole life.

When you place someone over your life, you give them complete and maximum power – this is unhealthy and toxic.

Your identity should not be based 100% on your romantic relationship. Nobody’s should.

It’s a recipe for disaster.

7. Learn from others who lost

Learn from others who lost

When I was going through a breakup, I knew the best way to make myself feel better was to read about other people who have experienced loss.

I started reading multiple books written by people who loved and lost.

And it made me feel so much better.

Knowing that I was not alone and knowing that all these people entered this journey and came out bright and positive and happy made a world of difference to how I was feeling.

It does take a certain deal of courage and love to move on, but I began to realize that it will happen if I just keep moving forward.

It is not easy when your girlfriend leaves you for someone else.

But it has happened to countless people over the years, and they’ve all felt the way you have.

They have walked in your shoes and lived to tell the tale.

And a lot of them have healed before finding love again.

Believe that it is possible and know that it can be done.

8. Realize that you deserve better

For whatever reasons that the relationship ended, make peace with that fact.

It doesn’t matter if she cheated or lied or abused you or left you without warning.

It’s over.

She’s left, and she’s gone.

Close that door and don’t look back.

If you keep going back to someone who’s hurt you, you’re doing 2 things:

  • Letting her know that it is okay to hurt you repeatedly
  • Not respecting or loving yourself because you keep going back to the person that has hurt you in hopes of finding happiness

This can only be described as insanity – doing 1 action repeatedly and expecting different results.

So, start valuing yourself more.

Start loving yourself.

And realize that you are meant for better things.

9. Focus on yourself

Focus on yourself

Yes, your girlfriend left you for someone else.

It is now time to work on yourself.

Not because you want to show her what she’s lost or what she’s missing out on – no.

But because you deserve only the best.

You need to heal, and you need to rediscover all those lost passions you kept aside for your relationship with her.

Do this for you.

If at all you are trying to do this to get her back, then you haven’t healed yet. And deep down, you still want her back.

In this case, I would suggest personal counseling or therapy to help you learn to love yourself more.

You can also read these journal prompts and these books to learn how to love yourself.

10. Know what you want in the future

If you have a bad history of dating women who are unfaithful or women who end up leaving, it means that you are attracting the wrong women or you haven’t worked on yourself enough.

This means you need to heal before you start dating.

And as you are healing, make mental notes on what you want in the future.

Answer these questions:

  • What are the characteristics I want from my partner? Honesty, loyalty, love, devotion, kindness, etc.
  • What are her values? I want her to be independent but also loyal and loving. She should have her own life, want kids at some point, etc.
  • What are her cultural and religious preferences?

The more you think about these questions, the easier it will be for you to filter women in the future.

When someone isn’t matching your list, you can let them go with grace and move on to someone else.

Doing this and then focusing on this list helped me find my current partner.

The second I saw a discrepancy in honesty or values, I realized that I was not talking to someone I’d want to be in a relationship with – and I moved on.

Yes, a lot of people won’t meet your requirements – this is good.

It means you are only talking to and meeting people who are right for you.

Conclusion

I hope this post helped you understand what to do after your girlfriend left you for someone else.

It is more about focusing on yourself than the ex-girlfriend.

And this will help you not only move on but be happy once again.

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Angela is a 29 year old Illustrator and Blogger living with her 2 adorable labradors in Bangalore, India. She has a degree in Psychology and Human Relationships from the University of Toronto. When she's not writing her heart out or drawing, you'll find her sipping chai and reading non-fiction books.

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