Last Updated on February 20, 2023 by Angela Vaz
This is a fact and it needs to be respected.
Every single person has a preference. And that preference needn’t make sense.
Nobody is the same.
We are all born with different tastes and unique likes and dislikes. Some of these change throughout our lives.
For instance, one person may love strawberries while another might absolutely detest them.
Likewise, some men might like short, curvy girls while other men might like tall, skinny women.
And it goes both ways.
Some women like tall, well-built men while there are others who like short, skinny men.
Please understand that it is not a crime to have these likes.
But yes, when we find a partner who likes a body type that is not resembling ours, we can tend to feel insecure.
It’s something we must overcome unless our partner goes out of the way to make us feel unworthy by asking us to change ourselves – in that case, you shouldn’t have to put up with that.
But where does this balance lie?
How do we learn to love ourselves?
And what if your boyfriend likes a certain body type, but you’re not that body type? What then?
Let’s talk about it.
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1. We are all entitled to our personal opinion
Ask yourself if you love the body type your boyfriend has.
The answer may differ. It may be a yes and it may be a no.
See, we all have different likes and dislikes.
And sometimes, we choose to open that Pandora’s box and ask our partners what body type their ideal partner would have.
So, if you asked your boyfriend what body type he would have preferred his partner to have as a casual question – don’t get mad if the answer isn’t what you expect.
Respect your boyfriend for telling you the truth and being so honest with you.
It’s perfectly okay.
Remember, we all have our kinks and that’s fine.
2. If he is not asking you to change, he is a keeper
Now let’s say you are super skinny and you love your body.
But after hearing that your boyfriend loves curvy women, you feel insecure.
Please understand that a little insecurity is normal.
But know that if your boyfriend genuinely loves you, he’s with you for a lot more than your body.
He decided to date you because:
- He loves the conversations you have
- He loves your personality
- He loves picking at your brain
- He loves the little quirks that you don’t even know you have
- He loves the way you make him feel
- He loves the goals and ambitions you have
- He loves your values
Please understand that a relationship is so much more than physical attributes.
I always love a man with hair.
But my partner is growing bald and although it’s not the sexiest thing in the world, I wouldn’t trade him for anyone with gorgeous locks because I know I could never find anyone like him.
He’s patient, loyal, kind, super intelligent, and loves me to the moon and back. We both have the same values and we both get a kick out of teasing each other.
We as human beings need to understand that looks aren’t everything.
My first ex was good looking and women steal glances at him even when we were together. My first ex
- Was also a Narcissist
- Physically and mentally abused my dogs and me
- Cheated on me with our neighbor and several prostitutes
- Stole and vandalized several times
- Was an alcoholic
I talk about how I got over my cheating ex in this post.
All in all, you need to understand that your boyfriend loves you for so much more than your body.
3. Own your body
Again, everybody’s body is different.
Some women are short and curvy and some are tall and curvy.
Some are short and skinny and some are tall and skinny.
Nobody can change their body type.
You may be able to become fit and healthy and tone your body but again, you should only do that for yourself.
If you want to lose weight because:
- You want to be more fit and active
- You want to feel confident in your skin
- You want to be able to do more with your body
Then yes, by all means – go do that.
Become fitter, challenge yourself to eat better, and move more.
If this means you will become more confident, then do it.
But, own your body.
Learn to dress for your body type if you don’t like how clothes fit you.
I am pear-shaped, which means my hips are way larger than the rest of my body.
I hated it for years because I didn’t know how to dress. I’d wear loose, long tops that made me look like an ogre.
Once I learned to dress better, I slowly started loving my body.
This happened after 29 years of getting it wrong so, it’s alright if there is a learning curve.
I watched a lot of Youtube videos and I learned what kind of clothes look good on my body.
So, stay away from clothes that don’t look good on you.
Look for comfortable clothes that are made for your body type.
And most of all, own it.
Be confident in your skin, hair, and body.
Flaunt it and love it.
Because it’s yours.
It’s what you were given and it’s what’s kept you alive till now.
4. Love yourself
All my life, I struggled with self-love.
I always wanted to find it outside of me.
But here’s the thing, you cannot love anyone with your whole heart unless you start loving yourself.
And a huge part of loving yourself means loving your body.
I hated my skin for so long because I’ve struggled with acne ever since I was 9.
I’m 30 now and my acne couldn’t be worse. It is a huge point of insecurity for me but I know that I need to love my skin.
I need to dedicate more time to skincare and I’m doing that.
Self love is a journey, it’s not something that happens in a day.
Your body has helped you move, it’s helped keep you alive. Your heart beats nonstop every day – healing, regenerating, and discarding toxins.
Your body is working for you – to keep you alive, healthy, and strong.
So, please love your body.
Learn to work with what you have.
Yes, it can be very intimidating to get on apps like TikTok or Instagram and see women with fabulous bodies, skin, and hair parading around like they were born with it.
But it’s also not reality.
And if we start focusing on other people’s perceived happiness, when will we ever focus on ours?
5. Don’t change yourself for anyone
If your boyfriend is constantly making you feel insecure about your body, then your relationship is not okay.
It’s not normal and this is not something you should tolerate.
I remember a woman constantly shaving every day because her boyfriend didn’t like body hair.
She shaved every day to make him happy.
Eventually, he told her that it wasn’t enough so she started shaving day and night.
She saved up money for laser treatment and eventually he ended up pointing out another flaw.
If your boyfriend ever makes you feel like you need to change something about yourself, pack your bags and leave.
Your boyfriend decided to date you for you.
If he didn’t like what he was getting, why did he pursue the relationship?
That was kinda shi**y of him.
When a person ridicules, shame,s or points out flaws in another person, they’re doing it because:
- This is how they talk to themselves
- They haven’t healed from childhood trauma
- They are highly disillusioned and believe that the world should cater to their every need and request
Such people are never happy.
They will always find fault with everything around them.
Sticking with such a person is going to make you feel like you’re never enough because you aren’t.
You can’t pour into a leaky cup because the cup is going to be empty soon – it’s leaking.
That’s what he is, a leaking cup.
So, please, please don’t change your body for your boyfriend.
- Don’t burn out trying to lose weight for him
- Don’t get breast implants or a breast reduction if you’re doing it for him
- Don’t dye your hair or straighten it or curl it for him
- Don’t make any augmentations for your body for him
You deserve a man who loves you for you.
Again, this does not mean he should change his preferred body type – that cannot happen.
I said before that every person is entitled to what they like.
But if he is pressurizing you to change something about yourself – run.
Run for the hills.
6. Know that it’s his choice to stay in the relationship
A relationship is based on 2 people loving each other.
Love isn’t chemicals.
It’s a decision.
When you love someone, you really want to stay with them.
Nobody is forcing your boyfriend to stay with you – he’s made up his mind and he is an adult.
He’s chosen to be with you.
And if he’s doing that, then he loves you for you.
If you’re still feeling insecure, sit down with your boyfriend and both of you tell each other 10 things you love about each other.
Take your time – don’t rush.
You can also do this on a dinner date.
I guarantee you that by the end of the date, you will both fall in love with each other all over again.
It’s a fun exercise to reignite that spark and remember why you both love each other.
7. Talk to someone
If you have tried loving yourself and are still struggling with body issues, then this is something that cannot be fixed by reading a few books or blog posts.
I highly recommend talking to a professional so that you can arm yourself with the tools to find out where the problem is originating.
It may be a childhood trauma that you are not able to get over and that’s completely alright.
Speak to a therapist and work together with them.
Please don’t feel alone if you feel insecure about your body.
We all have insecurities that we need to work on and it’s normal.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what body type your boyfriend prefers.
If he is with you, then know it is because he loves you for so much more than your body.
Our likes and preferences change over time and sometimes they don’t and that’s alright.
If you are confident in your body, you are going to attract just that – a person who loves you for your confidence and your body.
And if at all your boyfriend is asking you to change or subtly asking you to change by getting augmentations done – remember you don’t need that.
We all deserve someone who loves us for us.
That’s why it’s so important to work on self-love because when we love ourselves, we will only attract love.
We will attract men who love us for us and not people who want to change us.
Remember this always.
Work on self-love – and it’s alright to take your time. Self-love is a beautiful journey.
Here are a few more posts you may find helpful:
- 17 signs he’s with you only for your body
- The ultimate guide to loving yourself
- 43 self-love journal prompts to fall in love with yourself
- 7 self-love books that every woman should read
- 29 self-love quotes that you need to read now
- 23 spontaneous things to do with your boyfriend
- 7 interesting reasons why guys ask if you miss them
- 49 early dating signs he really likes you
- 27 signs he is never going to let you go