Last Updated on April 8, 2023 by Angela Vaz

Have you ever had someone in your life ask if you miss them?

It almost puzzles you as to why they do that. Maybe it was a friend you suddenly got in touch with.

Or it’s a romantic partner who’s currently living far away or it could even be a cousin you don’t see often.

While this question seems normal, there is a lot of emotion behind it.

In this post, I am going to talk about 9 reasons why guys ask if you miss them.

Some of these reasons are positive and come from a place of genuine affection and care, while others may indicate insecurity, jealousy, or even emotional manipulation.

Let’s look into each reason and find out why guys ask if you miss them.

But before that really quick, get my free guide on how to really reset your life.

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1. He misses you

he misses you

Whenever my fiance is away, he’ll send me a text once in a while asking me, “Miss me, babe?”

And I can honestly say, I do the same shamelessly.

If you are really close with this person and they genuinely ask and don’t follow up too much after, it means they’re just touching base and seeing how you’re doing.

This comes from a place of love.

If he’s asking you whether you miss him, he’s probably missing you and just wants to hear from you.

He may even be longing for your company and his asking you is a way of expressing his own feelings and checking in on your emotional state.

So, take this as a serious compliment.

Especially if it’s not followed with anything negative and you simply feel oodles of love and mushy feelings afterward.

2. He is feeling insecure and is emotionally playing you

he is playing you

As I said earlier, his asking you whether you miss him can indicate love or jealousy.

If you feel like it’s coming from a bad place and it’s paired with other strange behavior like:

  • Him checking where you are and whom you’re going out with
  • Him making you feel guilty for having fun and not spending time thinking of him
  • Him making you feel bad for having a life outside of him

Then understand that there’s more to it than him just missing you.

This spells out “insecurity.”

And he’s probably asking you if you miss him as a way to assess the strength of your connection.

He has no confidence in the relationship and is looking for validation that you are still into him and invested in the relationship.

This obviously comes from past trauma that he’s not healed from and has nothing to do with you personally.

3. He just wants to start a conversation

he just wants to start a conversation

This is a slightly self-centered reason but it’s possible and it does happen.

If he’s a friend and is bored, lonely, or just has nothing to do, he’ll contact a few people and see who responds.

He probably just wants to start a conversation and connect with someone.

A lot of guys do this.

And if you are confused or he’s flirting with you or telling you a lot of personal information, then straight out ask him.

Do not waste your time trying to figure out what is on his mind.

Be very gentle and forthcoming and ask him what he’s looking for in this relationship – whether it’s just a friendship or something else.

4. He wants to know if you’re seeing someone else

he wants to know if you're seeing someone else

This does sound a little far-fetched.

But I had a guy friend (who I stopped talking to eventually) who did this.

He’d play around with people’s feelings by being very emotionally manipulative.

He knew how to keep women on their toes and yes, he was charming.

He’d ask “Missed me?” and then eventually lead the conversation to a point where he’s asking you very casually if you’re seeing someone else.

He’d act possessive and jealous but not go too overboard so you’d believe he genuinely cared and was interested.

If you end up saying that you miss him, he’ll take it as a sign that you are interested in him and you’re not dating anyone else.

Be careful of such people.

At the end of the conversation, always ask yourself how you feel:

  • Do you feel icky after the conversation?
  • Do you feel used?
  • Do you feel played?
  • Do you feel like he just strung on for a bit and then left you high and dry?

Check-in with yourself and see how you genuinely feel.

If the man is not making you feel great, cut him out of your life.

5. He wants to re-ignite the spark

he wants to reignite a spark

Sometimes relationships slow down and they feel monotonous.

It happens if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and life has happened.

Perhaps you’ve stopped telling each other how you feel or there are no more surprises.

Either way, if you’ve been with your partner for a long time and he’s just asking you if you miss him, chances are he just wants to re-ignite the flame.

Maybe he’s feeling like the relationship is losing its intensity and by asking you if you miss him, he’s testing the waters to see how you feel.

At the same time, he wants to let you know that he genuinely loves you and is trying to get you to remember those first few dates so you can remember how you fell in love with him.

6. He just wants to get in touch with you

he wants to get in touch with you

He just wants to know if it’s okay to reach out.

A lot of people do feel slightly insecure or are terribly anxious.

They feel like they’d be intruding or disturbing a person if they call them suddenly from out of the blue.

So, if this is a guy you haven’t heard from in a while, and he casually asks if you’re missing him, it could be a way of him reaching out simply to touch base or reach out to you.

Watch the conversation closely.

If he is talking normally after asking you this question, it simply means he wants to talk to you to probably:

  • Connect because it’s been a long time since you’ve spoken
  • Ask you a favor because only you can help him
  • Just talk to you to see how you’re doing

There are some guy friends who will do this and there’s nothing wrong with this.

7. He just needs some validation

he needs validation

Finally, this is the most obvious reason.

If he is asking you whether you miss him, chances are he just wants to hear it from you.

And he’s simply looking for some emotional validation to feel better about himself and the relationship.

Hearing you say that you miss him might make him feel really loved, appreciated, and cared for.

He will feel wanted when you tell him that you indeed miss his presence.

And he’ll feel like he’s made a difference in your life and actually added something to it.

And a lot of us are built this way.

Sometimes this gets overlooked when you’ve been in a relationship for a long time.

And we just want to feel loved, appreciated, and cared for.

So, we need to hear certain things from people we love and care about in order to feel good about ourselves and our relationship.

And this is perfectly okay and acceptable – in fact, it’s healthy.


Please note that not every reason is negative.

Sometimes guys ask if you miss them simply because they want to know how you feel and also tell you that they miss you.

It comes from a place of genuine love and care.

And sometimes, a guy will ask if you miss them simply because they are insecure, need validation or are trying to emotionally manipulate you.

It’s very difficult to say unless you spend enough time talking to the person.

But with time, his intentions will become clear.

I always give people a chance. Sometimes, it’s easy to misread the situation and assume the worst.


Always see where the conversation leads and if you have doubts, simply ask.

Most people will gladly and willingly clear your doubts. If they take offense, then you don’t need to surround yourself with that kind of negativity.

If he loves you or cares for you, he will be honest with you. It doesn’t matter if he’s a friend or your partner.

Here are some more posts you may find helpful:

Angela is a 30 year old Illustrator and Blogger living with her 2 adorable labradors in Bangalore, India. She has a degree in Psychology and Human Relationships from the University of Toronto. When she's not writing her heart out or drawing, you'll find her sipping chai and reading non-fiction books.

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