Last Updated on January 15, 2023 by Angela Vaz

You are confused.

You genuinely felt like there was a connection.

The conversations were good.

She seemed so wholesome and real.

Everything felt good.

Deep down, you even got a signal that she liked you.

So, why would she reject you?

How did that come out of nowhere?

And you’re thinking, “I know she likes me but she rejected me. Why is this happening?”

Is this the end?

Do you give up and move on?

Let’s understand more about this because I was that girl that told the guy I was dating to slow down.

I liked him but I was scared to date.

And we just talked non-stop as friends for a while.

But eventually, I realized that I was very comfortable with him and we slowly started dating again.

We’ve been together for a long time now and we recently got engaged.

However, every single situation is different.

So, let’s understand if there is a chance she and you might work out.

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7 Genuine Reasons why she rejected you even though she likes you

Before we talk about what you should do and what your best steps are moving forward, let’s cover some reasons why she rejected you so that we can get a deeper understanding of the situation.

I’ve also covered the reasons why a girl would reject a guy she likes in this post.

1. She is not ready to be in a relationship

she is not ready to be in a relationship

Just because a person likes someone, doesn’t always mean that they are comfortable in a relationship.

Love doesn’t always equal a romantic relationship.

There could be many reasons why she doesn’t want to pursue this.

Maybe the timing isn’t right.

Or maybe she just doesn’t want the hassle of a relationship right now.

The reasons are plenty.

Here is how you should respond when someone says they are not ready to be in a relationship.

2. She came out of a bad relationship

I came out of a very bad relationship before I started dating.

And even though I spent a lot of time being single, it really took me a lot of time to heal.

Sometimes, dating felt overwhelming.

I was emotionally drained and tired.

So, she may like you and things may be going very well, but she may just be too overwhelmed at the moment to consider you as a possible romantic partner.

3. She has major trust issues

she has major trust issues

Unless you know her history, you can’t understand what may be causing the trust issues.

I have a very close friend who was physically abused by her father on a daily basis.

She is now terrified of dating because she thinks all men are jerks.

She knows this is not true but the whole concept of trusting someone is very foreign to her.

She is in therapy and I can see vast improvements but I know she has a long way to go because deep down, she has issues trusting men.

This is understandable.

Please understand that it is not on you to convince her.

If she has issues in her past where she didn’t have a good relationship with her parents or her previous exes, this can mold her to become very untrusting.

This can mean many things:

  • That she needs a lot longer to trust you
  • That she is petrified of being in relationships
  • That she needs more time to heal

4. You could be moving too fast

I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t had some sort of bad sexual experience or hasn’t been molested or sexually assaulted.

Unfortunately, the world we live in isn’t all roses and butterflies.

Shit happens.

And as a woman, I can tell you that all of this makes us build our walls higher.

I’m not saying that women don’t play mind games or are all good.

I’m certain that these types of women exist.

But if you’ve spent enough time with her and she’s taking it very slowly – then it could mean she just needs more time.

I needed a lot of time when I was dating and I explained that my boyfriend who I was just getting to know at the time.

I told him I wanted to slow things down and he couldn’t quite understand.

He assumed I wasn’t interested even though I was.

And I could understand the communication gap because he had never been through something like this.

So, it’s important to understand where she is coming from.

I will explain later what you should be doing in each situation.

Some girls like it when you move fast.

Nobody is cut from the same cloth and it’s wrong to assume that all women have similar characteristics.

The only way to find out what she likes is to actually ask her.

5. She is heavily influenced by friends and family

she is heavily influenced by friends and family

Society lays a lot of pressure on women to be a certain way.

Some cultures even prohibit dating or frown upon the whole thing.

And if you find her very conservative or old-fashioned, chances are she hasn’t broken out of that shell yet or has even considered dating a real thing.

If you find that she is very hell-bent on preserving a certain image or she is constantly trying to put up a front, then you are better off finding someone who actually shares your goals and wants to build a relationship with you.

You cannot force someone to change.

My second ex loved dating me but never wanted to tell his parents about me because I was a divorcee.

The minute they found out, they forced him to choose between them and me.

He chose them.

And although I was heartbroken, I did make my peace with it and realized that it was for the best.

I needed a man to accept me for what I had gone through and for what I was.

And I eventually found that person.

I couldn’t have found a better human being to spend my life with.

6. She doesn’t feel you are compatible with her

I remember liking a guy a lot when I was dating him but I just couldn’t see us spending our lives together.

His lifestyle was very different. He had different goals and values that just did not align with mine.

You can really like someone and know that a relationship with them will not work out.

Maybe you both have a different stance on having children.

Or she wants to focus on her education and career but you want to settle down immediately.

Please understand that there is nothing wrong with either approach – it’s just that you both want different things.

And that’s okay.

Let’s normalize people wanting different things.

And that’s why she probably doesn’t want a relationship.

7. You’re reading the situation wrong

you're reading the situation wrong

I know a lot of guys who genuinely believe a girl likes them and is confused to find out that she rejected him.

Some women are just plain friendly.

There is no ulterior motive, they don’t want to hook up or start a relationship, and they just love talking.

Women in general love talking.

They love confiding in people and are very emotional beings.

Some women just love to talk.

And they do find it hard to find good guy friends because the guy always ends up developing feelings.

It happens.

Alright, so these are some of the most common reasons why she likes you but rejected you.

So, let’s understand what to do in this situation.

What to do if the girl you like rejected you?

Alright, so we’ve understood why she probably rejected you – let’s look at the next step.

What is the healthy way to go about this and move forward?

1. Find out why she rejected you

find out why she rejected you

You can speculate all you want, but in the end – if this is eating you up, then just ask her.

You are a human being and so is she.

We thrive on communication and this is the healthy way to go about it.

Just talk to her and ask her why she rejected you.

Don’t be harsh, and don’t be over-critical.

Remember, your aim is not to intimidate her or force her into a relationship. Right now, you’re just trying to understand her issue.

Just listen.

Don’t judge.

Don’t give advice.

Just listen and hear her side of the story.

2. Accept her response

Some women come clean and actually give the person a very honest and real response.

Some don’t – they don’t feel safe or they just don’t want to tell you.

Either way, accept the response or lack of response as a valid answer.

If she’s said no and gives you no reason – accept it.

The no means no.

If she says no but says she’s not ready or just isn’t into you that way, accept it.

Either way, accept the answer as a final answer.

Don’t go about trying to convince her to change her mind.

This is going to come off as you not respecting her opinion or her.

And trust me, it’s just going to be bad.

Love should never be forced.

If she doesn’t want this relationship, accept it and move on.

3. Grieve

grieve

If you had feelings for this girl, then taking a rejection can be brutal.

It’s completely understandable that you had a very different picture of how this could go down and you’re heartbroken.

I understand.

I’ve been rejected before and so has my current boyfriend.

He told me that it really hurt him when I wanted to press pause on our dating.

He was so into me and he couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want to take it forward.

But he accepted it and took time to heal.

4. Decide how you want to go about this

Remember, you cannot control her actions or reactions.

But you can control yours.

The ball is always in your court.

You get to decide if you want to be friends or not.

She has already told you that nothing is going to happen, take that as a final answer.

If talking to her is too painful and raw and will not help you move on, then take a break from her.

Be very honest and tell her that this is hurting you and you need some space.

My now partner told me that he needed some space and I respected that.

If you are okay being friends, then tell her that your friendship means something to you and you’re willing to be friends.

5. Draw healthy boundaries

draw healthy boundaries

She needs to be okay with the boundaries you set because she clearly stated that she doesn’t want a relationship.

So, set them.

When you set healthy boundaries, you’re finally putting yourself first.

This is the first step to self-love.

If she is flirting with you or giving you mixed signals – talk to her and tell her that this is not okay.

It’s messing with you and you can’t handle it.

Be gentle but firm.

My boyfriend set healthy boundaries and I respected him so much for it.

It actually made me realize how wonderful he was because he didn’t plead or beg – he just respected my opinion and started treating me as a friend.

6. Have zero expectations

When you decide to put yourself first, it can seem scary at the beginning.

But with time, it gets better.

Remember, you can’t take it personally.

When a person rejects you, it simply means that they don’t want a relationship.

There is no deep meaning to this.

Maybe they don’t see you as a compatible partner or they just don’t want a relationship.

Either way, it’s alright and it’s normal.

Rejection is a part of life.

You cannot change this.

So, accept this and move on.

Let it go.

Start moving on with your life because there are women in this world looking to build a relationship with someone like you.

If you keep fixating on this person, you are never going to find the person you actually like and who likes you back.

So move on.

When I eventually changed my mind and asked my partner if he was interested in dating again, I was ready to be turned down.

That was the risk I took and I was okay with being rejected.

I knew that he was not mine to control and I could only ask.

But he said yes because he genuinely liked me and our personalities vibed together.

He agreed to date me again and this time, there was no turning back.

He knew I wanted to move slowly, so he respected that and we took it one step at a time.

In our case, there was a mutual interest.

But it’s not always like that.

I have been rejected before by a guy I liked so I know that it’s okay to lose and that the right thing to do is to move on.

7. Know that you will get over this

know that you will get over this

Please understand that in order to find real love, you need to be patient.

Sometimes, we just have to work on ourselves.

I kept having bad relationships because I continued to look for love even though I wasn’t healed.

If you’re constantly finding women that are narcissistic, abusive or playing mind games – then your filters are off.

It means that you’re attracted to these kinds of women and something somewhere is off.

You need to dig deeper and discover why you’re not meeting nice people who have the same values and goals as you.

Once you make that intrinsic change, you’ll start meeting better women.

The type of women you are attracted to will change.

You will be able to read body language better and you’ll find yourself in better situations.

But you need to keep moving on.

8. Know that you will find love

You cannot find love if you’re hooked on a person that isn’t returning your affections.

You need to let go in order to find love.

You have to be okay with being single for a while.

That’s the only way you’ll attract love.

If you have the desire to be in a loving and committed relationship – know that there are women who are looking for the same.

There are people out there, but as long as you continue to pine for this 1 woman – you’re never going to find what you need.

So, let go and move on.

You are going to find real love – you just need to let go of this one.

9. Make adjustments

make adjustments

Whenever I’d find myself in a situation like this, I’d ask myself what is happening.

A dear friend of mine told me that I probably didn’t know what I was looking for, so I started asking myself what I wanted in a partner.

This is so important for anyone who wants to date.

By knowing what you are looking for in a partner, you’ll be able to find the person faster.

Because you can immediately say no to people who are not right for you.

Let’s say you want to spend your life traveling and don’t want kids.

Every woman you meet who says she wants children and wants to settle down in one place – you can cross off immediately.

Again, there is nothing wrong with having different needs – it should be celebrated.

But you now know that there is no future with this person because you and her want different things.

So, take some time to think about what you want.

  • Do you want a woman who is kind and loves dogs?
  • Do you want someone who is very into fitness so both of you can lead a healthy lifestyle?
  • Do you want a woman who is more traditional or more open-minded?

Ask yourself what is it you really, really want.

And keep a list in your Notes app or a piece of paper.

This will help you refine your search.

In my case, I was looking for a man who was:

  • Kind, loyal and open-minded
  • Going to be okay that I was a divorcee
  • Had a good relationship with his family
  • Strong and secure enough to admit when he was wrong
  • Ambitious and constantly made goals
  • Very keen on self-improvement
  • Looking for a long-term relationship

And other qualities.

I was very specific with my needs and I ended up finding someone who met every single one.

So, once you know what you want, you’ll find it easier to find what you’re looking for.

Takeaway

Being rejected isn’t the end of the world.

It simply tells you that this woman is probably not the right match for you.

Remember, you cannot force love – and if you have to force it, then it probably isn’t going to last.

You should never have to convince anyone to love you.

That’s their job.

You do you.

Focus on your life and your wants and needs.

Take some time to figure out what you really want.

And put yourself out there.

You are going to be rejected and you are going to reject people.

It’s a part of life.

But every rejection brings you one step closer to finding the person who is right for you.

And no, there isn’t one single person out there for everyone.

There are countless people out there perfect for you.

You just have to find someone who is compatible and has the same values and goals as you have.

Now you know where to start, so I’m going to wish you all the best!

Here are a few more posts to help:

Angela is a 30 year old Illustrator and Blogger living with her 2 adorable labradors in Bangalore, India. She has a degree in Psychology and Human Relationships from the University of Toronto. When she's not writing her heart out or drawing, you'll find her sipping chai and reading non-fiction books.

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