Your Ex Still Loves You But Is With Someone Else – Why + What to Do

Last Updated on March 11, 2024 by Angela Vaz

You’re mildly confused.

Somewhat heartbroken.

And you feel like you’re in some weird limbo.

You feel like you’re unable to move on.

You want some closure.

Your ex still loves you – you’re sure.

But he’s with someone else.

The reasons why are not straight-cut, but I will explore all the possible reasons and help you with some options so that you know the best steps moving forward.

My name is Angela – I have a degree in Human Relationships and Psychology, and I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak, so I feel I can discuss this topic at length.

Try to read this post with an open heart and mind, as some points may be difficult to process.

I’ve also written extensively on this topic – so I’ll leave some helpful links below this post.

This post contains affiliate links, meaning I may make a commission at no extra cost to you if you decide to click on a link and purchase something. Click here to read the full disclaimer.

5 Reasons why our ex still loves you but is with someone else

1. We don’t stop loving right after a breakup

We are human beings.

And people without much relationship experience or who have married their high school sweethearts don’t know or understand heartbreak.

You won’t magically get over your ex in a day or a week when you go through a breakup.

You’ve built a life with them – and a routine.

They were around you all the time, and they were integrated into your life.

You saw a future with them at some point and built dreams and aspirations.

So, of course, that’s not going to go away immediately.

Feelings exist for a while, and the person’s memory will last even longer.

I still remember both of my exes – I do not love them anymore, but they occasionally cross my mind.

It’s normal.

So he may still love you, and you may still love him.

That’s alright.

It’s his call if he wants to enter a relationship with someone else, but he may still have feelings for you, which he needs to work on by himself or with his partner.

So, it may take a while for him to move on – and that’s alright.

2. Maybe you both didn’t work together as a couple

Perhaps you both love each other but don’t work as a couple.

Maybe you both have very different needs, or you both want different things in a relationship.

People often believe that only love is enough in a relationship.

It’s not.

Even if 2 people love each other very much but want different things – eventually, 1 of them will be very unhappy because they’re compromising severely.

Let’s take a small example.

Let’s say 2 people love each other. One of them wants kids and wants to settle down in a cute house with a lawn.

The other wants a backpack life – they want to travel, explore the world, and see what it offers.

How is that going to work?

Either one of them has to make a sacrifice, or they break up.

Nowadays, people know the value of happiness.

They want to pursue their dreams.

Beyond love, compatibility is a strong indicator that a relationship will work.

2 people have to have very aligned goals and values.

So, chances are he’s found a person who is very compatible with him and wants the same things he does, and he’s more than willing to take a chance and find out if they’ll work together as a couple.

3. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings

There may be a probability that he’s not being honest with you.

Or he’s not being entirely upfront about his intentions.

Perhaps he has noticed that you’re hung up on him and genuinely doesn’t want you to believe he doesn’t love you.

Or he’s scared of your reaction because he feels you might not take the news well that he’s in another relationship.

Many people aren’t comfortable with confrontation, and this man might be one of them.

So, to stay in your good books, he might play it safe and say he still has feelings for you.

Deep down, it helps him sleep at night.

Or he believes that you will somehow feel better, knowing that he still loves you.

My ex did this.

He kept saying, “I love you, I’ll always love you. I may be with someone else, but I will continue to love you.” And it was quite evident that he did not.

I knew he was not being honest with me – and that was all I needed to move on from him.

4. He’s playing with you

It’s easy to assume the worst about someone.

That’s why this is point #4.

I’ve included 3 points before this one because I want you to know there is nothing wrong with him loving you but being with someone else.

There is no wrong and right here.

It’s his choice – he is an adult and can do whatever he pleases with his life.

But if you feel he’s leaning on you too much, chances are he has second thoughts about her or doesn’t know what he wants.

Perhaps he wants to have his cake and eat it, too.

And if you feel that he is leaning on you and discussing private matters with you (things that should stay between him and his girlfriend), then leave.

Don’t become the third wheel – it will end badly for you.

Shut him out of your life so he can move on.

Don’t do it for him.

Do it for yourself.

You will never be able to move on if you continue talking to someone emotionally manipulating you.

He’s made his choice.

He’s entered a relationship with someone else.

And he can’t be with her and be with you at the same time.

Unless he’s in a polyamorous relationship and is clean with all his partners.

But if he’s doing this behind her back – he’s not honest and trustworthy.

It means he can’t be loyal to anyone.

5. He just can’t handle being alone/has unresolved issues

A lot of people can’t handle being alone.

Many, many, many people go through strings of relationships without taking the time to heal and recover from the loss of a relationship.

They jump from 1 person to the next.

I have 2 friends who do this.

What happens is when you still love someone or are hung up on someone, you’ll never be able to commit to someone else truly.

There will be what-ifs and if-onlys in your head and heart.

It’s not fair to the new person you’re dating, nor is it fair to you.

Additionally, he may have unhealed childhood trauma that he’s never processed or gotten over, which could force him to continuously be with people without taking the time to heal.

Either way, it’s no longer your responsibility to take care of him.

He is an adult and needs to process his issues with a therapist or his girlfriend.

Can you still love your ex and be with someone else?

Yes, I, in fact, have a friend who still loves her ex, but she’s with someone new.

It happens.

Some people can’t manage living alone.

The very thought of being alone frightens them. They get severe anxiety even thinking about being single.

So they jump from person to person till they feel comfortable.

And it’s their life – they can do whatever they want.

All you can do is choose to make the best decision for yourself and move on.

Even though I was nearly 30, I took my time to heal after my second relationship ended.

The imaginary clock was ticking behind me – my friends were getting married, and some of them even welcomed babies – but I knew these things could not be rushed.

I could have just dated frivolously to find a suitable partner, but mentally – I was not ready.

I was hung up over my ex, knowing I needed to get over him and become stable.

So, I took time to heal and recover from the loss.

And only then did I start dating.

I would date carefully and take long breaks if it was getting too much for me.

I’ve made the mistake of not doing that earlier, which cost me.

People who are hurting or are hung up over their exes make bad choices.

They’re vulnerable and choose anyone to fill their exes’ shoes.

By doing this, they’ll choose people that may not be compatible with them or not always have the best intentions.

What to do if your ex still loves you but is with someone else?

Firstly, absolutely nothing to jeopardize their relationship.

Your relationship with your ex ended for a reason.

It doesn’t matter who ended it.

It ended.

One of your needs was not getting met, and the relationship ended.

Both of you may have feelings for one another and may still miss each other terribly – but you both have to move on.

Because the issues that led to the breakup will persist – no matter what.

So, move on.

It doesn’t matter what he does – he can write you letters, call you, text you, make thoughtful gestures; that’s his call.

But you do you.

Move on.

Don’t move on for him.

Move on for you.

Block his number and unfollow him from social media.

You’re not doing this out of spite or because you want to prove to him that you hate him.

You’re doing this because you need space to heal and move on.

Even when my ex broke up with me, he genuinely asked me if we could be friends.

I said I still loved him, so no – that would not work.

I needed space to move on, heal, and get over him.

So, I said it wasn’t going to be possible.

I knew I wanted a long-term relationship; to do that, I needed to get over my ex.

So, I ended all contact and spent months healing.

You need someone who loves you, respects and chooses to be with you.

So, you need to focus on your life and your dreams.

If he’s in a relationship with someone else and doesn’t intend to end it – then he’s definitely not the right guy for you.

Remember, you can love and miss someone – it doesn’t mean they are right for you.

It just means you have an aching need to be with them because of the recent breakup.

It means they left an impact on your life.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to cry, hurt, and miss someone but not want to be with them.

Recognize this need and learn to observe your feelings and emotions without getting sucked in.

Every day, I had to remind myself of this when I missed my ex terribly, “Yes, I love my ex. He and I never should have ended. But he made his choice. And I need to respect his decision. I need love, too. So, I will move on, and one day, I will find it. I know I miss him right now, but it doesn’t mean I want to be with him – it simply means I’m heartbroken.”

Learn to walk away so that you can find love and peace.

Find that love and peace within yourself before looking for a partner.

When your ex goes straight into another relationship – what does that mean?

It means for all practical purposes, he can’t be alone.

He cannot fathom being alone with these thoughts and feelings.

They’re too overwhelming.

So, he’ll jump from relationship to relationship just to drown out the noise.

This is unhealthy and toxic because it means he can never be fully emotionally invested in a person.

He can never give a person his all.

He will always live in the moment as long as he’s comfortable.

Again, it’s his choice, and that’s okay.

You have to make a choice that’s good for you.

How do you know if your ex is your true love?

The relationship would have never ended if your ex were your true love.

It ended for a reason.

Maybe both of you wanted different things in life.

Maybe both of you had different goals or visions.

Maybe both of you had different ideas of what a relationship should look like.

Or perhaps it was hard to build trust and loyalty.

Maybe both of you had amazing chemistry and passion – but when it came to communicating, you had a hard time going about it.

Either way, the relationship is over.

And there is no fixing it.

It never would have ended if it was perfect and he was your true love.

It’s hard to deal with, but you must move on.

You need to let go of your ex so that you can be happy on your own for now and eventually find someone who loves you and fits you like a glove.

Please know that this will take time.

Feelings don’t go away immediately.

We aren’t on/off switches that can just turn off our love for a person.

It takes time – especially if your ex was a huge part of your life and you were bonded physically, emotionally, and mentally.

So, it will take a while to get used to living without them in your life.

It will take a while to adjust to this new single life.

But it can be done.

Millions have done this and eventually found their true love.

So, take courage.

Do feelings for an ex ever go away?

As someone who’s been through unimaginable heartbreak – yes, the feelings do go away.

At one point, I thought my chest would tear from my pain – I even wrote a post on that extreme emotional pain.

Yes, it goes away.

It takes time, though.

If you and your ex were like best friends who had undeniable passion – I’m not going to lie; it will take time.

It’s not going to be days or weeks.

It may be months or even a year.

But it will happen.

You just have to take it one day at a time.

You will get through this.

You will get through this pain – and I promise that you will move on if you continue to live each day as it comes.

I have a long post on getting over heartbreak – I’ll also link to some more posts I’ve written on the subject at the end of this post.

Summing it up

If you are reading this post, you probably care a lot more about your ex than you do yourself.

I urge you to spend some time thinking about this.

You deserve love and kindness, too.

And right now, your ex isn’t here to give you that.

So, you need to love yourself.

More than ever.

You deserve that much.

So, be kind to yourself and give yourself that time to heal and get over your ex.

If you choose to be single – that’s totally okay.

If you want to be in a relationship someday, that’s okay, too.

But move on from your ex.

Let him go so you can find space to heal and be at peace.

Here are some posts that you may find helpful:

• How to get over heartbreak when you feel like you can’t
• 11 Real Reasons Why You Attract Broken Guys + How to Fix That
• You miss your ex terribly, how to deal with it?
• My husband left me for another woman, what do I do?
• How to fall in love with being single?
• The dating advice for single women I followed to find true love
• Will I ever find love? Yes, you will, read this.
• Will I ever find someone better than my ex? Yes, here’s why
• How to be happy living alone
• How to glow up after a breakup – useful advice straight from the heart
• How to wait patiently for love
• 35 honest ways to get your life together
• How to trust the process and just let go
• How to get over a cheating ex
• 13 signs you are healing from a breakup