Last Updated on April 10, 2023 by Angela Vaz
This is a very delicate situation.
When your partner wets the bed (maybe it’s happened once or it’s a frequent occurrence), it can be difficult and embarrassing for both of you.
Please know that your girlfriend probably feels shame, and frustration and maybe even fears your judgment.
So, you have to be very sensitive.
You need to approach the situation with kindness and patience.
Remember, she may be feeling embarrassed or vulnerable and you need to create a safe and non-judgmental environment for her to discuss the issue.
Please don’t blame or shame her for the bed-wedding, as this can make the situation worse and may even damage the trust in your relationship.
In this post, I’ll discuss the causes and medical conditions your girlfriend might have and then tell you how to go about this situation gently.
As long as you are patient and communicate with kindness, you and your partner can overcome this issue together.
Let’s dive in.
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Is it normal for a woman to wet the bed? What causes bedwetting in females?
A lot of people assume that bed-wetting happens only to kids but no, studies show that 1 to 2 percent of adults wet the bed.
Again, this statistic might be skewed because adults are often embarrassed to reveal these kinds of problems. But it can be managed with practical steps and medical support.
Bedwetting (also known as nocturnal enuresis) is a complex issue that is caused by multiple factors:
- Urinary tract infection: 50-60% of women develop UTIs in their lifetimes. Yes, it’s that common, and it’s caused by a bacterium that lives in the intestinal system. If this E.coli is carried to the vagina from the rectum, it can enter the urethra and infect the bladder which leads to bedwetting. This is completely treatable.
- Diabetes: Although Type 2 diabetes mostly develops in people over the age of 45, more and more children, teens, and young adults are developing Diabetes. Since the body doesn’t process glucose and sugar, large amounts of urine are produced and this can cause bedwetting.
- Sleep apnea: When a person’s breathing is interrupted during sleep (often due to inflamed or enlarged tonsils or adenoids), it can cause bed-wetting.
- Psychological factors: Stress, anxiety, and trauma can cause disruptions to sleep patterns and lead to bedwetting.
- It’s in her genes: There have been some studies that suggest a genetic link to bedwetting, meaning it may run in her family.
This means that bedwetting is not in her control.
All of these reasons are based on medical, psychological, or genetic factors and she will need to identify the cause with the help of a doctor in order to treat this issue and overcome it.
She may feel like it’s her fault or she may feel very embarrassed to discuss this with anyone.
That’s why, it’s very important to approach the issue with empathy and understanding from your end.
How do I help my girlfriend who wet the bed?
Now that you understand the reasons and causes, let’s look at some ways you can help her manage the situation.
1. Talk to her
Know that both of you are human and in this relationship together.
There is no problem big enough for simple communication.
You have to talk to her.
If she knows that you know about her bedwetting, she’s going to be anxious, stressed, and probably even embarrassed.
Basically, she’s going through hell right now.
Ignoring the situation or pretending like it didn’t happen is going to make her feel worse.
So, please don’t sweep this under the rug and pretend everything is okay.
Talk to her gently.
Be very kind and approach the situation calmly.
Treat her with respect while addressing the concern. Here’s how you go about it:
- Choose a private setting: When you discuss this with her, make sure that you both are in a private place and that she feels safe and comfortable – so preferably her home.
- Make sure you both have time: Don’t have this conversation while you are getting ready for work or while she is helping the kids get ready for school. Be patient and wait till both of you are free to discuss this.
- Be extremely gentle: Approach this topic by saying things like, “I noticed you had an accident last night. Would you like to talk about it? I’m here for you.”
- Listen actively: You have to respect your girlfriend if she doesn’t want to talk about it. Listen to what she has to say. Try to understand her concerns.
- Do not interrupt: While she’s talking, don’t interrupt or offer advice. Simply listen. You can ask her open-ended questions to encourage conversation. It’s important for her to realize that she can trust you to talk about these issues.
- Offer support: Once she’s done talking, tell her that you care about her and that her bedwetting doesn’t change how you feel about her. She needs to know that it’s both of you against the issue. The issue should not come between you.
2. Encourage her to get medical advice
If both of you have had a heart-to-heart chat about this and she now feels safe to talk about it with you, move to step 2.
Encourage her to see a doctor.
My mom was very stubborn about her health issues.
My dad had to have had a lot of patience because he encouraged her for months before she went and saw a doctor.
This has happened on several occasions.
And eventually, she did end up losing her life to cancer.
So, please know that some people are going to delay treatment because they don’t like doctors or hospitals.
You will have to be patient if your girlfriend is one of those people.
You need to help her understand that this is a medical issue and it can only be treated if a doctor sees her.
A doctor will help her identify any underlying medical conditions that may be leading to bedwetting.
They will help her know what is the best course of action and recommend a treatment that will work.
3. Use protective bedding
You can now start taking steps to make this situation easier for both of you since you’ve already spoken to her about this.
Communication solves a lot of problems.
As long as she knows it’s both of you against the issue, she will be keener on helping you clean up.
You can help your girlfriend feel more comfortable by using protective bedding like waterproof mattress protectors or disposable bed pads. Here are some products you can look into:
These will also help, because if stress and anxiety are causing her bedwetting – this will relax her.
If she knows that the clean-up process is easier and you are being kind and supportive, you will actually help her, and she can relax knowing that she can count on your support.
4. Encourage her to stay hydrated
She may avoid drinking water if she believes that this will stop her bedwetting.
But it’s very important to stay hydrated throughout the day as this will help her body flush out all her toxins and maintain her organ health.
This will also help reduce her fluid intake at night just before sleeping.
5. Help her have a good night-time routine
Stress and anxiety really do affect sleep and can lead to bed-wetting.
If she is very worried about this issue, help her relax.
Both of you can do guided meditations before wed.
You can also limit screen time and just talk and cuddle for a while in the dark before you go to sleep.
Do everything possible to have a good night’s sleep.
You can also consider using alarms at night to help her use the bathroom 1-2 times a night so that she can empty her bladder.
At the end of the day, having your support will really help her calm down and realize that this is not a big deal.
Just knowing that you love her and will stick with her throughout all this is the assurance she needs.
6. Have her use a calendar
If this is a frequent occurrence, suggest that she use a calendar tracker so that she can understand when it happens and probably she’ll be able to see a pattern.
Maybe it’s extreme stress?
This will also help the doctor understand what is causing the bedwetting.
The more information you both are able to provide the doctor, the better they will be able to help you.
7. Respect her privacy
This goes without saying but please don’t share this with friends or family even if you’re trying to ask for advice.
Bedwetting can be a sensitive topic and it’s important for you to respect her privacy.
Don’t share this information with other people without her permission.
It could directly affect your relationship with her.
8. Encourage her to talk to someone
If she is going through a lot of emotions that she’s not able to handle or you can see that this issue is taking a toll on her mental health, ask her to talk to someone.
A therapist or a counselor can help your girlfriend work through any underlying issues – especially if she’s dealing with some kind of stress or trauma.
9. Be patient
Sometimes these kinds of situations resolve quickly, sometimes they don’t.
Either way, be supportive and let her know that you’re there for her.
It may take some time to find a solution especially if she’s trying to find the underlying cause.
My girlfriend wet the bed only once. It’s not frequent – how do I handle this?
If this is a one-time occurrence and it’s happened only once, let it go.
She may have had too much to drink, she may have been tired or her bladder might just have not been able to hold it in.
If she doesn’t mention it, let it go.
If she does mention it, listen to her but let her know that it’s not a big deal.
When she sees you treating it like it’s not a big deal, she won’t feel ashamed and will treat you like her confidante.
Be very cuddly with her today and flirt with her. If it leads to sex (only if both of you are sexually active), let it happen naturally.
This will help her realize she doesn’t need to be embarrassed and she’ll feel sexy. This works way better than verbal assurance.
Please know that bedwetting is normal.
There are so many issues like this that couples go through on a daily basis and the only way to overcome them is to do it together.
You both are a team.
And it’s always you both against the problem.
Never let the problem come between you.
I hope I was able to answer all your questions.
Here are some posts you may find helpful:
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- Finding Peace: How to Stop Thinking About Someone Who Hurt You
- How to Give Yourself Grace (When You Feel Low)
- 17 Unmistakable Situationship Red Flags that You Should Heed
- Can’t Stand the Thought of Her With Someone Else – What to Do
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