Last Updated on October 17, 2022 by Angela Vaz
You feel heartbroken.
You never thought things would come to an end, but they did.
You feel like the relationship mattered more to you than it did to her.
And you are distraught.
She’s dating someone else and she seems happy.
You feel like you can’t move on, and you don’t know what to do.
In this post, I’ll help you understand what you can do now that your ex-girlfriend is happy with someone else.
This post contains affiliate links, meaning I may make a commission at no extra cost to you if you decide to click on a link and purchase something. Click here to read the full disclaimer.
My ex-girlfriend is happy with someone else – 11 things you need to know
1. Take some time to digest the news
If the breakup has happened quite recently, you are going to be heartbroken and distraught.
Let’s focus on you for now.
Going through breakups is underrated.
The media makes it look like nonsense and your friends will tell you that getting laid is the answer.
It’s like putting a bandaid over a deep wound.
It’s going to mask the problem, not heal it.
Unfortunately, when you just go through a painful breakup – you are going to hurt.
It’s okay to hurt.
It’s okay to miss her like a madman.
It’s okay to cry and not be able to focus on anything but the good times you shared.
Not enough people talk about this – but it’s okay to break down and feel utterly and totally hopeless.
I’ve been through a painful breakup.
I know what that’s like.
If you are unable to deal with the breakup, I will link some posts below – please give them a read after this.
But my point is you are going to feel a lot of pain.
Course through it for a bit.
Sit with your feelings.
Don’t drink or do drugs or smoke or binge eat.
Those things will give you temporary joy and relief before you fall lower and lower into a pit of sadness and pain.
So cry and curse if you have to. Just don’t take it out on anyone – do it alone or with a trusted friend or family member.
Talk about the relationship, let out your frustrations – do it with someone you trust and who will not advise you to do something stupid.
2. Take a moment to see the relationship for what it was
When you just go through a breakup, it’s very hard to see the flaws of a person.
I couldn’t see my ex’s flaws. I felt we were perfect for each other.
We had a few kinks, but who didn’t?
But as week after week went by, I was able to see the relationship for what it was – a mirage.
I lived in self-denial even when I knew he’d never commit. I was able to see it clearly as time passed.
It never would have worked.
Unfortunately, we are human.
This means when we are upset, we cannot see straight.
It is impossible to see flaws in a person we love deeply.
If you loved your ex-girlfriend and still love her, that’s alright.
Maybe try this exercise later.
Try to ask yourself these questions:
- Did she really love me as much as I loved her?
- Were our views about the relationship the same?
- Did she want the same things I did?
- Did she respect me just as much as I did her?
- Was I able to give her what she wanted?
- Was she giving me what I wanted?
- Was I happy in the relationship, or at times did I feel lonely like I couldn’t talk to her?
- Was she always understanding of what I was going through?
Try to see the relationship for what it really was.
If she left you for someone else, it might be easier to do this.
As I said if you cannot do this exercise now – wait for a while before you attempt it.
When we love someone, we cannot see straight.
3. Know that a relationship takes 2 to make it work
I remember talking to a dear friend of mine who was so upset that her husband just didn’t love her enough.
They’d been through a lot of problems and she wanted to make it work while he wanted to quit.
She had tried everything to make the relationship work but he was adamant – he wanted to separate.
She couldn’t understand why but that was his wish.
And she continued to hold on even though he made it clear he had zero interest in making it work.
Here’s the thing: it takes 2 people to make a relationship work.
No amount of begging, emotional manipulation, or force is going to result in a happy, loving relationship.
I’m sorry – but this is the truth.
All those websites out there that promise you to get back your ex need to be erased from the internet.
You both split up for a reason.
One of you or both of you weren’t getting your needs met.
It’s as simple as that.
The reason may be whatever, but at the end of the day, one of you wasn’t happy.
And for a relationship to be beautiful and healthy, both partners need to want each other and love each other.
- Maybe you both had chemistry.
- Maybe you both had beautiful conversations.
- Maybe you had a wonderful history and many beautiful years together.
But it’s come to an end.
Make peace with that.
You need to accept that she has moved on.
You need to respect her choice that she no longer wants to be in a relationship with you.
Even if she does now after leaving, it’s still over.
The relationship ended for a reason.
Love means respecting your partner’s choices.
4. Know that you can love her and not need her
Maybe you love her and miss her terribly.
That’s okay – it’s normal.
Just because we break up with someone, doesn’t mean the feelings go away immediately.
It takes time for feelings to go away.
We aren’t switches – we are human beings.
We need time to accept the news and move on.
It’s okay to want her, love her and miss her and not be with her.
Just because you are aching for her, doesn’t mean you need to go running back to her.
Every time you feel like calling her or texting her, remember that the relationship ended.
You need to accept and respect her decision.
You cannot control another person and force them to want something they don’t want.
That’s not love – that’s control.
Let her go.
5. Love yourself
Go to the mirror right now and tell yourself, “I love you.”
Do it with sincerity.
You need to love yourself now more than ever. Because right now nobody else is going to do it for you.
You have to start loving yourself and taking yourself.
When you go through a breakup, you need to get back on your feet.
Self-love means understanding that you need tender, loving care to get back to a place of happiness and joy.
I will tell you what my mum told me after my breakup even though she was on her deathbed, “Why are you pining after a man who has already moved on and isn’t even thinking about you?”
That sentence hit me like a car.
That’s when I realized I needed to get better.
Not for him or for the world.
But for me.
I needed to get better for me.
So, please put yourself first.
Start creating personal goals in terms of physical goals, mental goals, career goals, financial goals, etc.
The idea is for you to realize that you were more than a boyfriend or a husband.
You are more than that.
You are not living to solely be in a relationship and make someone happy.
You have a bigger, more profound purpose in life even though it may not seem like it now.
If you don’t have the motivation to do anything, push yourself.
I started incorporating little habits in my daily life to help me focus on anything but the breakup or my ex:
- Taking my dogs for walks
- Cooking meals at home
- Walking more
- Learning French
- Playing the piano
- Reading something every day
- Working on my online business and writing
All of this helped me get over my heartbreak.
These little things slowly reignite your passion for life.
It helps you realize that there is so much more beauty in life.
It’s not easy, I’m not saying it will be a walk in the park – but the process is made easier when you start doing little things like these.
Take on little projects that will help you specifically improve areas in your life.
6. Know that you will find someone else
If you desire to be in a loving and committed relationship, please know that you will find someone better than your ex.
But that is never going to happen if you continue to pine after the woman that wasn’t right for you.
How do I know that she wasn’t right for you?
Because the relationship ended.
No questions asked.
No, there is no “the one.”
There is no “one person for everyone.”
I’m sorry, that doesn’t exist.
If that were the case, I’d still be single.
The person I thought was the one left me and I still managed to find love.
But it was only after I made peace with being single and learned to love myself.
You need to first heal and become okay with being single for now. You will find someone, but for now – heal.
7. You don’t know her story
You don’t know what she went through or what is going on in her head.
- Maybe she is over you and she’s found love – in that case, good for her. She deserves to find love.
- But if she’s doing it out of spite and wants to show people she’s happy – that’s on her. She will bear the brunt of that decision.
- If she’s chosen a man you feel is not right for her, you need to take a step back and let her make her own decisions. This is her choice and maybe that’s what she wants.
It’s alright that you are in pain.
It shows that you were more vested in the relationship, it means that you opened your heart completely to love.
This is a sign of a beautiful human being that isn’t afraid of being hurt.
And it’s okay.
You are going to heal and become alright.
But you need to give yourself time and space.
You will get over this.
We all go through heartbreak and breakups at some point or another.
But right now, you are your priority.
You need to focus on yourself – not her or anybody else.
It’s you that’s important.
8. End contact with your ex
If you are in contact with your ex-girlfriend in any way, please end contact with her.
It’s not because you hate her or you can’t stand seeing her happy, you need to end contact so you can heal and move on.
It will also help her do the same.
You cannot heal if you stalk her Facebook or Instagram daily.
You need to go through the pain that follows the breakup.
It’s the only way you’ll come out the other side.
If at all you have to keep contact with her because you have work together or you share kids, then keep the contact to a minimum.
Discuss only what’s absolutely necessary and end it at that.
Don’t try bringing up the past to see if she cares.
That closure is not going to help you move on.
The closure is a myth.
I’m not going to lie, the next few weeks are going to be absolutely horrible if you are still devastated over losing her.
I remember not being able to sleep or eat for days.
I’d just eat an egg and a slice of bread with coffee so I’d have the energy to take my dogs for their morning and evening walks.
I was a mess after my breakup.
I couldn’t work and I couldn’t function.
It took me time to start moving and behaving like a normal human being.
So, I understand what you’re going through.
9. Let her go
Initially, your thoughts will be flooded with her.
You’ll think of all the good times you have shared and you won’t be able to stop crying or hurting.
And the pain you will feel will be terrible – your chest might hurt and feel like it’s going to explode from the pain.
I know what that’s like to miss your ex after the split so badly that it hurts.
The memories will break you.
But that’s okay.
It gets easier with time.
They get lighter and lesser as time passes.
Some days will be okay and some will be unmanageable.
Healing isn’t linear.
There are ups and downs when you are trying to heal.
You won’t be able to think of anything except her – that’s alright.
But you need to let her go.
Make peace with her being happy.
It doesn’t matter what she’s doing in her life, you both have a chance to move on.
Life is not a competition.
Just because she moved on faster than you, doesn’t mean that she didn’t love you or that the time you both spent together is a waste.
It just means that at the moment you both are better off apart.
You may not think that, but it is better to be single than be with a person that doesn’t love you.
I have been cheated on in the past and I know what it feels like to be with a person who doesn’t love me back – it sucks.
So, know that whatever has happened – has happened for the best.
There are so many websites and videos that will tell you to take revenge or get her back – but ask yourself, how is that really going to help you?
How is that in any way going to bring you or her peace?
It simply means that you’re not over her and you are still obsessed with her.
Don’t take revenge – anger is not going to solve anything.
If anything – it will show that you never really loved her.
So let her go – with peace and kindness.
Let the thoughts of her fade slowly.
Please know that her relationship status or yours doesn’t have anything to do with your character, your self-worth, or your status.
Just because you’re single and she isn’t doesn’t mean that she’s better than you or vice versa.
It simply means she is in a relationship and you aren’t.
You’re single because you are healing or you’re not ready to date yet.
Don’t attach deep meanings to relationship status – it’s not going to help anyone.
10. Learn from others who were in pain
I have a list of breakup books that I have personally read that gave me so much peace and helped me heal faster.
I only recommend them because they helped me become genuinely better.
Reading stories of other people who went through intense pain made me realize I wasn’t alone in mine.
Not many people talk about their pain or their failures.
It makes us feel even worse because we can’t relate to anything.
Those books will help you realize that there are countless people who have walked in your shoes.
These people have suffered just as much as you have or more.
Seek inspiration from them.
And know that if they have survived, so will you.
Know that this is not the end of the world – it might feel like it now but you will get through it. I promise.
11. Be patient
I will repeat time and time again that you need to be patient.
The pain can feel like it will go on forever, but it’s going to be a few weeks – a few months at most if the relationship was very long.
The pain will get lighter.
It really depends on how much you were vested in that relationship.
But know that you will get over it.
Just like I did.
Last year after I was done healing, I started dating again.
It didn’t happen right away but eventually, I met a man who had been hurt just as much as I had.
We connected with our stories and surprisingly we fell in love a few months later.
We have been going strong ever since.
He genuinely loves and respects me. He is mature and kind.
The best part is I never would have met him if I had never moved on from my previous relationship.
I needed to go through that pain to become the person I am today.
I found love because I had faith and because I was willing to go through the pain that followed my breakup.
I made myself better and I worked hard on becoming a nicer person.
I’m tougher now and I am more resilient.
This breakup will teach you how to be pickier when dating.
It will help you realize what you really want from a person and it will teach you to read people a little better.
It will help you be more careful and build trust slowly.
Just don’t date right now to get back at her or to get rid of your loneliness.
You need to heal before you date – otherwise, you will set yourself up for failure.
When you’re vulnerable and desperate, you will make bad choices and neither you nor the girl you are dating will find peace.
When you notice the signs that you are healing from your breakup, you can start dating again.
So heal and then start dating – that way you will attract someone strong and confident – someone, who will love you more than your ex ever did.
But for that to happen, you need to heal.
I am sorry you’re going through this pain.
Trust me when I say that you will get over this but for that, you need to want to move on.
You need to put yourself first and find a way to focus on yourself instead of her.
That is the only way you can truly find happiness and stop thinking about the past.
You have to make an effort to better yourself and move on.
I wish you nothing but the best.
Here are a few more posts that will help:
- My girlfriend left me for someone else, what do I do?
- How do I find peace after a toxic relationship?
- How to let go of the past and finally be happy
- 13 signs you are healing from your breakup
- How to love yourself – the ultimate guide
- 35 honest ways to get your life together
- How to stop physically hurting from missing your ex
- How to forgive yourself after hurting someone you love
- How to rebuild your life after losing everything that matters