Last Updated on November 4, 2022 by Angela Vaz
Deep down you felt something was wrong but you never expected him to leave.
What happened and why did he just up and leave?
As a woman who has been in two long relationships where both partners just left, I am writing this from my own experience.
I never got answers initially but with time, it became clear.
In this post, I’ll talk about what could have possibly happened and what you need to do right now.
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When your husband leaves you for no reason – 7 Reasons why he left and what you need to do
1. He wasn’t happy
I was with my first ex for 9 and a half years.
We weren’t happy.
And unfortunately talking about it was not a solution.
My ex couldn’t communicate or be communicated to without getting angry and getting violent.
So, most of the time, I had to keep silent for peace.
In the last 2 years of our relationship, he was barely at home.
It was puzzling and I found it weird, but deep down I just wanted him to be happy.
Sometimes, people change.
We all do.
We are not the same people when we enter a relationship and with time we evolve.
Maybe your husband changed or maybe his wants changed.
Either way, there is a chance that he may not have been happy and it may not have had anything to do with you.
You need to understand that your husband’s happiness is not in your control.
Everyone is in charge of their own happiness – we shouldn’t blame other people for being unhappy.
2. He may not have had his needs fulfilled
A relationship ends when either 1 or both parties in the relationship are not having their needs fulfilled.
It’s often as simple as that, but at the time of separation – it is hard to see and hard to understand.
In my case, both our needs weren’t being met.
I wanted someone I could talk to and he wanted someone who could understand him.
I didn’t understand him and he didn’t want to talk to me.
We were 2 very different people who thought that a relationship would help us work together and be more compatible.
It doesn’t matter if you can change or if you can fulfill his needs.
He chose to end the relationship.
And it’s his choice.
If he doesn’t want to make the relationship work, you can’t force him to.
That’s his choice – you have to respect that.
3. He wants to work on some things
There is a chance that he has realized that he has certain issues he needs to work on.
Maybe he didn’t have a great childhood or he has been through severe trauma.
Either way, he doesn’t feel like opening up to you about it or just wants to work on it alone.
It’s not conventional but this is his decision. And it is what he wants to do with his life moving forward, so you need to respect that.
4. He is insecure about himself
A lot of people end up going through this.
They may constantly ask you, “Why are you with me?” and wonder why a person as good as yourself is with them.
They may also always suspect you of cheating. This could be for 2 reasons: they may have trust issues or be insecure or both.
A lot of people aren’t secure enough to be in relationships.
Unfortunately, it’s a feeling that crops up perenially if it is not dealt with earlier.
It just gets strong and more persistent.
So, if he constantly feels like he isn’t good enough, it may have become too much for him to bear and it could be why he left.
Please understand that his insecurity is not up to you to fix.
It is something that all of us have to individually conquer.
You can’t make him feel good about himself – that won’t work.
I remember always telling my ex that he was worth so much more than he assumed but he’d constantly question himself.
5. He is in love with someone else
Because of all the reasons I have mentioned above (mainly insecurity and the constant need to be validated), he may be cheating on you or having an affair.
Most of the time, if a husband leaves his wife – it is for this very reason.
But I didn’t put it at the top because there is so much more to it than just “cheating.”
I have multiple posts on cheating where I break down what cheaters are thinking and why they do what they do which I will link below.
But please don’t blame yourself for it.
When a man is having an affair he should end the relationship with his wife before he commits to another woman.
It’s the basic principle everyone needs to follow.
Or be in a polyamorous relationship with people who want the same thing.
But it is morally wrong to enter a relationship with a person who wants a long-term commitment and then cheat behind their back.
Either way, the only thing you can do is let them go peacefully.
You shouldn’t have to force someone to love you.
It should be of their own accord – remember that.
6. He wants to be alone
Some people just aren’t happy in relationships.
They thrive better single.
Unfortunately due to the never-ending pressure of families and societies, we end up getting into relationships even when we aren’t ready.
And it takes a while for the normalcy to creep in before it hits us – that we’re way better off alone.
I know many women personally who aren’t happy with their partners but are married or in relationships just because society expects that of them or they want to “make their parents happy.”
It’s not right, but it’s what a lot of people do.
7. He can’t handle the pressure of being in a relationship
Perhaps after all this time, something snapped.
Maybe he just couldn’t deal with being in a relationship or he just couldn’t handle coming home to a partner.
Maybe he craves to be single again or he is dealing with emotions that are difficult for him to understand.
8. It could be a combination of many reasons
In my case, it was a combination of several reasons.
My ex was narcissistic and needed constant validation so he cheated and had multiple affairs.
He was unhappy with his life and was constantly looking for his next source of happiness.
There was deep unrest within him and I knew deep down that no amount of talking or consoling could help him find peace.
I learned to make my peace with the fact that he was not the right person for me and I walked away.
I did enter another relationship after that, but it didn’t work out.
This made me realize I needed to take some time off and work on myself.
I was picking very deeply insecure people and these bad choices were ruining my state of mind.
It was me – I needed to work on making better choices when choosing partners.
So, I took it easy and practiced patience.
I learned to make peace with being single (it was not easy) and I learned to live alone by myself.
In time, I found a good man who respects me and loves me just as much as I adore him and we have been together for more than a year.
What should I do if my husband left me?
1. Make peace with the fact that it’s over
I’m sorry, I know it’s hard.
I didn’t eat or sleep for weeks after I found out my husband was cheating. I had no intention of going back and I packed my belongings and two dogs and left.
But it still hurt me.
I was in deep pain.
We are human beings with feelings. We build our whole lives with our partners and at some point, our identities merge together and become one.
So, it’s difficult to tear away entirely all at once.
It takes time.
It involves a lot of grief, depression, anger, and a multitude of other hard feelings before we reach the final stage of acceptance.
So, take your time to deal with the heartbreak.
2. Pick yourself up
You aren’t alone.
You have just lost a person that wasn’t right for you.
Deep down you desired a long-term commitment and loving relationship with your partner.
Maybe your husband fulfilled that for a while and maybe it didn’t.
The point is, it’s over.
And now you can move on.
You will heal and you will get over this.
Know this for a fact.
No matter how deep your love was for your husband, your husband chose to leave.
This doesn’t mean your life is over.
It just means that this chapter of your life is over.
It’s time to start a new one.
3. Heal yourself
No, you aren’t ready to date just yet.
Even if you feel you are, don’t do it.
You need time to move on, especially if you and your husband have been together for a long time.
When you just end a relationship or come out of a toxic one – you are very vulnerable.
It will force you to pick partners who show you even a little bit of kindness.
And this will lead you to pick the wrong people who are just not right for you or who don’t have your best interests at heart.
You need time to heal, time to find clarity and perspective, and time to become mentally strong again.
You have to rebuild your life.
4. Realize your worth
You are worth so much more than a wife.
Identify your roles as a person.
You may be an excellent parent or child to your parent, a beautiful neighbor, a lovely dog parent or caregiver, or a responsible friend.
Look at your other roles and understand that you are so much more than a wife or husband.
You are you.
You have so much more to offer to this world.
Make peace with that.
5. Fall in love with life again
I highly recommend you spend the next few months sorting out your finances and taking care of your responsibilities.
For instance, if you have kids or you have a business with your husband who left you, you will need to sort out a lot of things.
Focus on that.
If you are sorted financially and don’t have children, focus on getting a new job or finding a hobby to fall in love with.
You need to rediscover a passion for life.
It may not make you happy and you may feel like slumping on the couch or bed – but don’t.
Force yourself to do something that you are mildly interested in.
I got myself a keyboard and started learning music.
It was difficult to do this after my breakup but it helped me see that the world is so much bigger than me and my problems.
How do you stop hurting when your husband leaves you?
1. Sit with your feelings
It’s going to be a horrible next couple of weeks and months.
But don’t run away from your feelings because you need to deal with the sadness, frustration, and disappointment when it hits.
If you drink alcohol or move to subdue the pain via other methods, it will numb it for a while before returning to full force later.
So, sit with your feelings and let them wash over you.
You may feel like crying, screaming, or not leaving the comforts of your bed – that’s okay.
Take your time to feel the pain and analyze what has happened – this will help you move toward acceptance.
I am not going to lie, the next few weeks will be gut-wrenching.
Having been through this myself, I can tell you firsthand that you will feel horrible.
One moment you’ll be numb and the next you’ll feel betrayed and angry.
You’ll go to sleep crying and you’ll wake up somewhat okay only to be curled up in the afternoon wondering what made him leave.
It’s not easy.
But with time, you’ll realize that it all happened for the best.
Because let’s face it – he wasn’t happy.
Something wasn’t right, otherwise, the relationship would never have come to an end.
No matter what the case, it ended and he’s gone.
You have to make peace with that and you have to let him go.
When you decide to let him go, you will have made the first step toward peace.
You are going to go into an overthinking loop – it’s normal.
Learn to stop overthinking and realize that there is nothing you can do or could have done to change the outcome of what has already happened.
2. Realize that it’s for the best
No matter why he left you, there was no way you can make it work.
A relationship takes 2 willing people to make it work.
Love is a decision. It’s not a chemical reaction or a fluttery feeling in your chest and stomach.
It’s a decision.
When you love someone, you decide to make it work, to stick it out.
Even if you can’t make it work, you let the person know calmly that it’s not working and you leave for the sake of your partner and the relationship.
No matter why he left, it’s for the best.
He wouldn’t be a good partner to you even if he stayed because his heart is not in this relationship – it’s somewhere else.
3. Know that you aren’t alone
I wish I could say that this happened rarely, but it’s not the case.
A lot of people enter relationships prematurely or they enter relationships with the wrong people.
Sometimes they stick it out, but most of the time – it falls apart.
And when it does, it’s almost impossible to repair the relationship.
You aren’t alone.
You and millions of others before you have gone through the same ordeal, the same hurt, and the same pain.
So, take comfort in the fact that you are going through the darkest part of the tunnel right now but you will see the light soon just as everyone else has.
I created a list of breakup books that everyone should read after a relationship ends.
Reading about others who have gone through the same pain I have, gave me comfort that I wasn’t alone.
I knew that if they could make it, so could I.
This gave me the strength to hope for a better tomorrow.
4. Talk to someone
I highly encourage talking to trusted friends and family who have your best interests at heart.
If you don’t trust anyone enough or you feel like they wouldn’t understand – talk to a counselor.
They will hear you out and help you see things with a clearer perspective.
The fact that you are looking for answers means you are ready to put up a fight – you want to recover from this situation and get back on your feet.
I am really sorry that this happened to you.
I wish this pain on no one.
And it’s difficult for me to cover everything I need you to know right now about what you should do when your husband leaves you so I have written many posts that you can read to help you through this process.
- How to reset your life from scratch
- How to stop overthinking after being cheated on
- What to say to the girl he cheated with
- Does he love you if he cheats on his girlfriend with you
- My cheating ex wants to be friends – what do I do
- 35 honest ways to get your life together
- How to deal with emotional pain when it feels like too much to bear
- How to deal with missing your ex when it hurts so much
- Will I ever find love again? Read this
- How I got over my cheating ex
- 29 self-love quotes to help you start your healing journey
- 43 self-love journal prompts to help you move to a peaceful place
- How to recover after a toxic relationship
- 12 signs you are healing from a painful breakup
- How to stop overthinking after being cheated on
- The ultimate guide to getting over a breakup
- How to patiently wait for love
- How to prepare yourself for a new relationship
- How to feel loved when you feel like nobody loves you
- How to deal with nobody caring about you