Last Updated on August 15, 2023 by Angela Vaz
You can’t believe he has someone else in his life.
You made him your whole world.
You gave him everything.
Welcome to my life a few years ago.
I discovered my partner was cheating on me in 2019. I had been with the man for more than 9 years.
It’s extremely devastating.
There’s no sugarcoating the hell you are going to go through for the next few months.
In my case, my partner revealed to me that he was in love with the woman he was seeing.
So, in this post, I’m going to cover 13 signs he loves his side chick (the other woman).
I’ll also brief you on what to do if you’re struggling with this.
My name is Angela, I have a degree in human relationships and psychology. Every article I write is dedicated to people navigating hard times in their relationships (either with themselves or their partners).
I have written extensively on infidelity and cheating, and will include more links at the bottom of this post – so be sure to check it out!
Let’s dive in.
This post contains affiliate links, meaning I may make a commission at no extra cost to you if you decide to click on a link and purchase something. Click here to read the full disclaimer.
Personal disclaimer: My ex was cheating on me for 2 years before I found out. When I did, I left without a moment’s notice. I talk about how I overcame my cheating ex and finally found happiness in this post.
This post includes all the signs my partner was cheating I ignored while I was still married to him. If you notice that your partner is displaying all these signs, I suggest talking to him about it.
This article was not easy to write, I had to take several breaks because remembering the past is painful. The only reason I am sharing my personal experiences is because I want to help women who are in toxic relationships like I was. I don’t want you to be blindsided when you discover he is cheating on you.
1. He talks about her frequently
If she is someone you know, he may talk about her frequently.
I remember my ex talking about her (she was our neighbor) a lot.
He’d talk about her in a good way and say she was very hardworking or she always was underappreciated.
I remember finding it odd but I never took notice.
If he constantly brings her up in conversations and talks about her, chances are they are having an emotional affair.
Maybe he talks about her life, or he knows way too much about her day – either way, it isn’t quite normal unless they are best friends.
2. He buys her gifts
I remember the pizza man coming to our door once but I hadn’t ordered any pizza.
Then my ex yelled at him and told him to go to the other apartment.
I was confused but my ex said they were for her because her son had won 1st place in school for some math quiz.
But if you notice things like flowers, chocolates, or gifts like perfumes constantly showing up but they’re not for you – chances are they are to impress the other woman.
3. He is never at home
My partner was never at home.
He always said he needed to work but he never really got paid for anything. He was dependent on me for finances so I always thought he had bad luck or his employers weren’t paying him.
I never understood this.
But if he is constantly spending time outdoors, and you never know where he is, know that something might be going on.
4. He isn’t wearing his wedding ring
If he always wore the ring but off late, he’s been forgetting it in the house or you constantly find it in his pocket, talk to him about it.
Ask him what’s happening or if he’s not comfortable wearing it.
It isn’t mandatory to wear your ring, of course.
But it’s odd when a person wears a wedding ring for 3 years and suddenly takes it off. So, I found it really weird.
In my case, I later found out that she was quite upset that he was not making plans to ditch me so he
5. He gets jealous when she’s with someone else
In my case, this woman was married, and my partner always criticized him.
He kept saying that she deserved better and she needed a good man in her life.
I was very supportive of this because I feel every woman deserves a good man, I just didn’t know that my ex had himself in mind.
If you find your partner constantly bad-mouthing the partner of this girl, chances are he is very emotionally vested in that relationship and he may be cheating on you.
6. He has suddenly become a new person
If you feel like the person you were with isn’t the person you’re with today, then maybe something might be wrong.
People do change and evolve – I am not discounting that.
But very few people change almost instantly – unless they’ve suffered some major trauma or made some major breakthrough in therapy.
My ex became a brand new person in a month.
His likes, hobbies, and personality just shifted and it felt like I was with a whole new person – one I didn’t necessarily like.
He suddenly wanted to shop non-stop.
He wanted to travel more and work more and his movie tastes changed overnight.
When you date someone new, this happens.
You want to try all the new things your partner is trying, so that was what happened when my partner was having an affair with someone else.
7. He is constantly trying to get fit
If he is suddenly trying to get fit and has changed his appearance drastically, know that something is wrong.
I remember my partner suddenly thinking of getting hair extensions and starving himself to lose weight.
It didn’t make sense because we’d been together 7 years then and I couldn’t understand why he was so desperate to lose weight.
He’d constantly look in the mirror and ask me if he was attractive.
Initially, I assumed that he experienced body dysmorphia, but later I realized that he was trying to look good for her.
8. He constantly ignores you
If your ex pretends you’re never there or he constantly walks away when you try to talk to him and he is indifferent to you, then yes, chances are something is wrong.
Every single sign I mention in this post doesn’t necessarily mean that your partner loves his side chick.
But put several signs together, and you can be sure that something is wrong in the relationship – if he is not cheating on you.
9. He keeps finding fault with you
Needless to say that your partner’s behavior will change erratically when he starts seeing someone else.
But if he is constantly finding fault with you, picking arguments even in public places and mocking you in front of his friends – then he is disrespecting you and things are going awry.
Please don’t tolerate verbal abuse.
Verbal abuse is still abuse.
But if your ex has suddenly changed and started criticizing you on things he already knew about, then chances are he is falling in love with someone else.
He is comparing the two of you in his head and he is getting irritated with you.
10. Money suddenly starts disappearing
You don’t know how your bills are racking up.
In 2018, I started using the Expense app (it’s free) only because I couldn’t understand how all my money was disappearing.
My ex was borrowing money but he would come up with the darnest excuses.
He’d say he needed to change his oil, and the next day he’d need to lend money to a friend somewhere and before you know it, thousands upon thousands of debt would rack up on his credit card.
I ran the house, and my expenses were barely 1/3rd of his despite spending on all the house supplies, rent, and groceries.
I constantly transferred money to his account to help him pay his bills.
Whenever I asked him if we could sit down and discuss the finances, he’d make up an excuse or it would turn into a fight.
I later discovered that all the money was going on their dates and getaways.
Yes, I do believe he loved her.
My honest advice to you as a woman is to, please save your money.
Always keep a separate savings account because you never know when s**t will go down.
I constantly saved whatever I could. This made it easier to start a new life when I moved out and started living on my own.
I am so grateful that I have an understanding partner now that splits every single expense.
We have separate accounts but we love sitting down together at the end of each month and discussing all our expenses. I feel like we’re a team – there are no lies, no hiding, no cheating.
That’s what a relationship should be all about.
11. He constantly cancels plans
One minute he tells you he’ll be home for dinner and you both can make it a romantic movie night, and 2 hours later, he’s still not picking up his phone or saying, “Work has come up.”
It’s alright if it happens once in a while.
But if you combine this sign with all the others – you definitely are facing some sort of challenge.
12. He is always on his phone
If he is constantly on his phone, smiling at his phone, and is very secretive about his phone – it’s not normal.
I remember wanting to change the music in the car once and he grabbed the phone from my hand nearly crashing the car into a tree.
He yelled at me for over 10 minutes saying that I was invading his privacy even though I had only wanted to skip the song.
He was ultra-defensive.
Remember, if he is ultra-defensive about his phone and is constantly on it even after you sleep – chances are that something is going on.
I remember my spouse being on the phone even when we’d eat dinner or watch a movie.
I felt alone.
13. He puts you in a bad light when he is talking to her
If he is constantly talking about you to her and portraying you in a bad light, know that it’s over.
Your partner shouldn’t bitch about you to someone else.
If they have a problem with you, they need to tell you about it or go to a therapist.
But a relationship doesn’t get better if they badmouth you to someone else.
Know that eventually, he will do the same to his side chick.
It’s all a matter of time.
I felt betrayed when I found out that my spouse was badmouthing me to his other lady. I felt like my own spouse had turned against me.
It would have been so much better if he had just ended the marriage while he was so unhappy, instead of drawing it out and cheating on me.
But all I could do was accept the fact that I was being cheated on and leave.
I realized that I couldn’t control anyone’s actions but mine – so I left.
14. He is very cold with you
If he is behaving very indifferently to you and pretending like you don’t exist, know that something is wrong.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone because it really hurts to be with someone who doesn’t love you back.
But this is one of the signs that he may be cheating on you or he’s just going through something difficult.
Talk to him and try to find out what’s happening.
Don’t be in the dark.
15. He doesn’t want to be intimate with you
When a man is cheating on you or is in love with his side chick, he is going to do everything possible to avoid sex with you.
More often than not, he’ll say things like he’s tired or he’s drained or he just won’t make the time.
He will prioritize everything except making love to you.
And yes, this is a very clear sign that he is going through something quite deep.
16. He throws the topic of divorce around quite frequently
If he constantly picks fights with you or says you should get divorced, please know that this is not normal.
He is basically speaking his mind and can’t wait to end the relationship.
Something is preventing him from ending the relationship – maybe he’s very comfortable with you or you take care of his needs.
Either way, if he brings up divorce often (or at all for instance), know that he is probably not happy with you or the relationship he has with you.
17. You can’t remember the last time you both connected emotionally
All relationships lose their sparkle with age – it’s normal.
But that doesn’t mean that you both lose love for each other unless a third person is involved or your partner is undergoing something very heavy like stress or depression.
In my case, it felt like my partner just lost love for me.
I thought it was a phase, but the phase lasted for 2 whole years.
He was moody all the time, everything I said turned him off and he never wanted to spend time with me.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had connected emotionally with him and every day felt dull or tense.
18. You feel like he has changed
You can’t explain it but it feels like he’s become a different person.
Everything you knew about him is no longer true.
His likes and dislikes have changed drastically.
I remember my ex suddenly watching South Indian films when he’d always been watching Hollywood films.
I noticed that his dressing style changed and he frequently wore sunglasses even inside the house.
His temperament had changed, and it was like he was a totally different person.
19. He picks arguments with you frequently
If he is constantly arguing with you and picking fights with you for no reason or very silly issues, know that something is up.
Either he is stressed and taking out his work stress on you or there is something more happening.
I remember my ex would get really mad at me after he got home.
It happened almost every day.
He’d be in a good mood when leaving the house and he’d come back upset and angry.
I never understood it and it really terrified me at one point.
20. You feel lonely despite him being around
I cannot describe how emotionally depleted I felt being around my partner when he was home.
Even when he was around, I felt lonely.
I liked it better when he left the house.
I felt invisible – like I was not there.
It’s a feeling that I cannot describe in words – it was painful.
But if you do feel this way, there is probably more than meets the eye.
Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s the relationship.
Either way, take some time to figure out why you aren’t happy.
Don’t let it slide by pretending things will get better.
More often than not, it gets worse if ignored.
So, take some time to figure out what is happening and please address it.
21. Your relationship no longer makes you happy
If you can’t remember the last time your relationship made you happy, chances are there is something much deeper going on.
I am sorry for the pain you are going through.
I’ve been there – it’s no picnic.
But I want you to spend some quality time with yourself and figure out why you are unhappy.
- Is it because you no longer feel connected to your partner?
- Is it because he doesn’t value or respect you?
- Have the arguments and fights become so frequent that you don’t feel at peace anymore?
Whatever the situation, think about it.
If there are a lot of misunderstandings, chances are there is a third person in the relationship.
And it may be more than just a fling.
Please talk to him and find out what’s happening.
Can a man love 2 women at the same time?
I have covered this before, in my post on Can a guy cheat and still love you?
Yes, he can love 2 women at the same time.
But here’s the thing – he chose to enter a monogamous relationship with you. He chose you.
If he is in love with another woman and pursuing a relationship with her behind your back, he no longer respects you.
Love and respect are 2 completely different ballgames.
You deserve a person who loves, respects, and trusts you.
If you are in a relationship with a man who clearly cannot make up his mind or wants to sleep with her but still have you because he is comfortable with you – leave.
I urge you to start loving yourself.
You are enough.
You don’t need to take this kind of disrespect.
I left because of all the lies and betrayal.
I realized that I had been living a lie for the last 2 years. Everything he ever said to me was a lie.
Every time he stepped out to buy food, he’d take 4 hours to come home and blame the traffic.
Every time I left to go see my mom at the hospital, he had her in the house. I found out later through the neighbors.
Every time he borrowed money from me, he was buying her stuff.
So needless to say, I lost all respect and love for my ex almost immediately.
I have been in a very beautiful relationship for the last 2 years.
I never would have found peace or found new love had I stayed in that toxic and abusive relationship – so in my case, I am glad I left.
If you want to leave, but your partner wants to stay together despite cheating, please read this post.
Here are more posts you’ll find helpful:
- Can a guy cheat and still love you?
- He keeps cheating on me, what do I do?
- How to Make a Cheating Boyfriend Feel Bad + What I did
- Should I Tell Her He Cheated With Me? What You Need to Know
- What I Did to Get Over the Fear of Being Cheated on
- Should You Take Him Back? If He Cheated on You With His Ex
- Does He Love You if He Cheats on his Girlfriend with You?
- Here’s What to Say to the Girl He’s Cheated With
- What to Do When Your Cheating Ex Wants to be Friends
- Your Wife Cheated and Wants to Reconcile: Here’s What You Do
- I Caught Him Cheating – What I did to Stop Overthinking
- How I got over my cheating ex and found happiness
- No One Compares to Your Ex: Here’s What You Should Do
- 13 Unmistakable Signs He Thinks He Owns You + What to Do
- 13 Undeniable Signs Your Needs Aren’t Being Met + What to Do
- Finding Peace: How to Stop Thinking About Someone Who Hurt You
- 17 Unmistakable Situationship Red Flags that You Should Heed
- I Hate My Ex-Husband So Much – What I did to Stop and Move on
- 7 Reasons Why Your Husband Left You For No Reason – What I Did
- I Thought He Was The One: What I Did After I Lost Him
- How to Rebuild your Life After Losing Everything that Matters
- Will I Ever Find Love Again? You Need to Read this
- 13 Ways to Feel Loved When You Feel Nobody Loves You
- How to afford to live alone
- 13 insightful tips to help you live alone!